Trick

"This is my first attempt at writing something ressembling a short story after I was inspired by a Tumblr post a while ago."

The magician pulled a thin red deck of cards from his breast pocket and started shuffling them on the cardboard table in front of him. 

“Gather around, people of the world!” he called out with a gravelly voice. “Come witness the mystery unravel before your eyes!” 

More and more passersby stopped to watch the man’s performance. Emily and Hugh Jass were among them. They elbowed through the small crowd up to the front. Hugh was very fond of magic tricks, especially when it came to cards. He bore an excited smile on his face, and had one hand holding his wife’s while she was resting her other hand on her abnormally protruding belly. She was expecting a triplet and hoping they’d come in different sexes (What? Don’t look at me, I’m just narrating). 

The magician was toying with the cards in majestic hand movements while explaining to the audience the basics of the trick. Emily’s bladder, however, was urging for a release, and it was certainly not the type you would want to keep waiting for too long. 

“Get on with it already, damn it” she mumbled under her breath, although it was a bit too audible, since almost everybody around her made a face (the kind of face you make when your grandparents make a sexual joke). 

“Honey!” the husband protested quietly, yet obviously embarrassed. “Will you let the man do his performance?” 

The magician turned to the couple and grinned. 

“Aha! Looks like we have some volunteers for our trick today. Well, the rules are quite simple,” he said, motioning for Hugh to come forward. “You will choose any card from this deck and memorize it.” 

The magician fanned the cards neatly before him, face down. Hugh picked one, stared at it for a long moment (Really? A long moment? It literally only takes two seconds to memorize a card. Stop horsing around, Hugh!) and then put it somewhere else back in the deck. 

“Excellent. I will now proceed to determine that exact same car-…” 

A splashing sound cut him off. Something liquid and thick had just hit the floor. 

“Oh, come on!” the magician burst out. “Tell me someone didn’t just throw up at one of my tricks, again.” But he soon came to realize it was not the case. Emily’s waters had broken. 

                                                                         *********

The maternity ward at De Seest Hospital was unusually busy (I’m blaming the fact that Valentine’s Day had been 9 months ago). The piercing shrieks of women echoed between the walls, and one of them was Emily. At the waiting room, Hugh was sitting on what could easily be described as the most uncomfortable bench ever conceived. Every single one of its joints was loose and produced a cringe-inducing squeak every time he tried to move a muscle. He was leaning forward, hands interwoven and pressed against his mouth. His leg was jumping up and down like a squirrel on cocaine. He would’ve stayed inside the delivery room beside his wife, had she not kept brutally squishing his jingle bells (Guys, never leave your kiwis unattended around a woman who’s trying to eject a baby out of her entrails). 

The distant sound of hasty footsteps alerted Hugh. A blood-painted nurse appeared at the end of the hall. She told him that the procedure was almost over and that the midwife requested his presence. Hugh took off the bench and sprinted towards the room, the thrilling thought of finally holding his three newborn babies already overwhelming his mind. 

He barged into the delivery room and froze. His wife was on the bed, legs spread apart. The midwife had just finished delivering the third baby, judging by the fact that Emily’s irritating screams ceased (You can call me insensitive, I couldn’t care less. Have you ever heard childbirth screams? Well, I have, so shut up). The midwife slowly turned around and looked Hugh right in the eyes. 

“Is this your card, sir?” a familiar, gravelly voice said from behind the surgical mask, showing a bloodied three of spades.

Reviews

[Shannon]

I read some comments below. I like the intrusive narration, especially in both comedy and satire. I think it works here, for sure. The twist is fun. the first half especially is frankly well written. Good, satisfying ending!

A few places in the second half, it feels like there are a few too many words in places, interrupting the flow. for example: (I’m blaming the fact that Valentine’s Day had been 9 months ago). Could be restated: I blame Valentine's Day, 9 months ago to the day. Or something similar.

[Moody]

Hey, thanks for the review!
You might be right about that, the phrase could've been phrased better indeed.
I appreciate the compliments :D

[Taylor]

Enjoyed this piece and its final twist. I wonder about the use of the narrator addressing the reader directly or making aside comments. I found it a bit intrusive at times, but that of course is what was intended. You write very well. I noticed that Samuel Dickens refers to your father. Is that Woody? I look forward to more of your work.

[Moody]

Thank you for the review Taylor.
The narrator's intrusion was, ideed, intentional. I wanted it to be more of a "told" story than anything else. I've always enjoyed reading short stories that would make you feel as if someone were right beside you, narrating it with their own perspective and details, a style that my father Woody perfects.
But I will keep in mind the idea of toning it down maybe a little in my future writing. I understand it can get distracting.
Thank you again!

[Taylor]

Keep writing and be true to your own instincts, no matter what anyone says. You're in charge and as long as you continue to practice the craft and work to improve, you're in the right path.

[Samuel Dickens]

Somehow, I suspected it to not exactly be a "natural" childbirth! Your writing is really good, Moody. For people whose native language isn't English, both you and your father are some of the best I've ever seen. In fact, you write better than 50% of native speakers. You're good at this, so I hope you continue to write, and don't feel confined to comedy, but write whatever is in your heart.

[Moody]

Thank you so much, Samuel! Coming from you this is very flattering. I'd love to write in the horror or investigative journalism genre (Steig Larsson is a huge influence on me in that respect), but I find harder to do than humor stories. Perhaps it'll come one day :) I'm working on it

[Woody]

good narration and a funny twist. quite funny, Mood :)

[Moody]

Thanks Wood :D