double doors

sort of confessional-type poem i wrote during a depressed and fucked up phase in my life, probably spring or summer 2011

-it was hard for me

like any girl of '96

there's a certain echo

of teen rebellion

that shifts and stutters

muffles, mutters

and it's not like mine was easy

we all wanna be the savior,

i know.

everyone needs a comedy

and a tragedy

-i had all the capricorn boys

under a spell

and i couldn't help falling for them

and looking back i wonder why

i craved babies of

the winter

why did i do that?

there's so many regrets

but  suppose

everyone has a day or two

or ten

they'd like to take back.

like, i wish i'd been myself

instead of my peers

i wish i'd respected me

i wish i wish

but respect was never

a quality i had

and i still don't have

i guess that makes me "me"

-and i was so depressed

on many occasions

not without reason

i remember in that place,

the bright orange floors

with all the painted lines

pimped out for any coachable sport

man has discovered to date;

where i first saw you

i didn't know you'd be an enemy,

an adoration, then ruin my life

i'd never have walked

through the double doors

i gaze through now so often

you weren't a capricorn

with good reason

and i never fell for you

like all the other boys

i wasn't easy

i just fell fast and hard

you told me your secrets

for seven years

we were the perfect team

just like i dream about

to this day

i wonder if bad things

are drawn to me

to put my life

into perspective