Help

Depression is common, if you know someone who suffers from it, know how much it could mean if you're there for them.

The problem with depression isn't the sadness; it's the pain. It's so individualized and intense, no one can relate. The pain you feel, the pain I feel, the pain the next person feels, will never be the same.
It changes each day depending on each person's gloomy, dark lingering cloud of depression.

Today, mine was no longer just a cloud, it was a hurricane, a tsunami, an earthquake. Heaving and crying, kicking and screaming, silent and empty. It hurts... it hurts so bad.

Everything seems to get lost in these times. The little things that used to make us smile, the joy from the company we have, just moving or thinking in general seems like more than I can handle.

In these moments, I want nothing more than to share my pain and to take others away. I want you to know that I am not okay and that's okay. Even though I have those dark thoughts that everyone pretends they don't have. The ones everyone avoids because they're too afraid of what might actually happen. Suicidal thoughts are natural but it's what you do with them that counts. I imagine a million ways to end this so called precious life. Wonder what will end the pain that I feel. But I'm in the grey area. I've had my days where I've tried to commit suicide but that's the past. Since I've had my daughter I live in the grey area; suicidal thoughts happen often but I'll never act upon them.

People feel the need to bottle up their pain and thoughts and hide them from the rest of the world. I want to share mine. I want to world to know that depression is real and it lives in me. Spreading the word about depression means more people become aware of the disease and more people can help others who are suffering. Like I said before, your pain is not my pain and the pain changes each day, but sparing someone your time just to see if they're okay could make a huge difference. Let them talk, let them share their thoughts and don't panic if they open up completely with you. Our thoughts can be scary.

Not everyday is a bad day even though sometimes it feels like they all are. Mine have been fluctuating as I am currently getting help and cannot seem to find the right medicine for me. Lately, I've had more bad days than good and for me, I am alone. Writing is my way to express my feelings and hopes it may help someone else. Being alone makes me feel a lot worse. I'm not seeking for pity but to inform others, if someone you know battles depression, I know it can be exhausting but be there for them. Be there when they doubt themselves, or they feel like everything is going wrong, just let them know that they have you even if they don't have anyone else.