Breaking Point

We all have our breaking points, it's about understanding when we're not okay.

"People with mental illness live in dark places and gray areas. It’s not something that shuts off and on �" it comes in waves, it peaks and it fades. But these feelings are never gone. And I wish more than anything in this world they would disappear. I am a warrior of my own mind, and I will continue defending my inner peace. Every day may be hard; but it makes me stronger every day."

Even though we are all strong, sometimes we break. What people don't realize is, we can't help it.

Today, I was playing with my daughter and watching my favorite TV show, I didn't have to work and the weather was beautiful outside yet something inside me, something in my head, kept telling me I didn't deserve it. Most people say to just "be happy" or to "think happy thoughts" but what they don't realize is that those happy moments make us worse and we can't just "be okay." The joy I have in my life made me feel worse. The smiles and laughter from my daughter made my heart ache. I will live with this disease my entire life and she will learn from me, for I am all she has.

I'm not trying to make you feel sorry because I do that enough myself. My point is, even though we are getting help, we are taking baby steps to getting better, we can not be miraculously cured. There will be days that everything is not okay and the beauty of it is, nothing bad actually has to happen. Our minds can make all of our situations worse than what they seem and we CANNOT help it. Be understanding. Be thoughtful. Please don't say that it's going to be okay and please don't tell us to just be happy because we can't. If we could, we would not have this disease that controls us that is called depression.

Today I can openly say that I am not okay. I don't feel like things are going to get better and I can't force myself to be productive. Although I know my life may be better than others, I tell myself that it's not because of the pain I feel, the sickness that I have. I know I'm not alone but I feel isolated. It is suffocating. The pressure on your chest from thinking it's all falling apart. The pain is real, the sickness is real. Tomorrow, I may wake up and feel stupid for being so useless today but that doesn't mean that I can change today.

The thing is, we know what's real and what isn't but sometimes the voice in my head is louder than my own voice. Sometimes it overpowers me and makes me feel like my life is a waste. Most days I can control it, with the help I receive of course. My voice is louder and I am in control of my own body, but not always. There is a breaking point for us all and I just ask that you don't make me or anyone feel worse when they are having an off day. You could be the difference in changing the day around or making it worse, so choose wisely. Be considerate. Step outside of the box and try to put yourself in our shoes. Of course you won't feel the pain that we feel or hear the voices that we hear but think about if you did, think about how you would feel or how you would act.

The battle is never ending and it's never easy. Most of us are strong enough to fight it most of our lives, so forgive us for our bad days that we have, sometimes it gets tiring fighting the same fight everyday.

Reviews

[Faren]

Thank you for sharing. Your story is very relatable. The unseen battles are sometimes the hardest.

[aLittlePain]

BRAVE, heartfelt TRUTH!

I love the tone....though melancholy it's completely engaging.

More of this x

[Chassity Smith]

I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Depression is my never ending battle and this is my way of expressing myself and hoping to help others understand.

[aLittlePain]

I can certainly relate a season of grief was the most crippling period of my life. Writing became my light of sorts. You're very brave x

[Chassity Smith]

Thank you very much! (: