Autophobia

A vignette inside the mind of a child abuser / murderer. This is how they see the world and what goes on inside their head.

The boys in the barn, tied up. Their thin, callused hands bound together at the middle of their naked backs. Rope, a snake slithered around the both of their chests, keeping them together positioned on the golden straws of hay inside the barn. The pure white skin poking through gives me a meaning. A motive to live, my salvation. They feel so soft, a feeling that has left long ago. I can’t let them escape, the world would hurt them. Leaving lifelong scars etched out on their purity. I love the boys with every fiber of my being, a love that I want to tie myself around and never let go. The widened blue eyes forever filled with terror hurts me. Those big eyes seem hold the whole world and the vast amount of life in the universe. What if they leave? My life would whisk away into nothingness. Why don’t they love me? My heartbeat is pounding - screaming even, scraping the insides of my chest like a rabid animal in a painful pulse. Sweat dribbles down off of my peppered hair and swimming along my mustache and down to my worn laugh lines. I tighten my fists on my axe by my old dirt stained blue jeans. The once cool metal now feels moist and sticky under the thick palms that are my hands. I continue peering through the crack in the door at my muses. I lift my tongue outside my mouth and taste the tangy sweat off of my lip. My mouth crackling with dryness at even the smallest thought of being without them, those boys. The brown eyeball continues watching the boys as they try again to struggle through the braiding that is their captor. The clenched look in their faces from the endeavor sucks up all the faith I have left. The forceful gasps and inhales that make up this movement contrast with the singing of the summer birds outside. They echo inside my ears, matching the pulsating of my heart. Skin is being sucked in and out of the underneath of their visible rib cages, much like how the ocean caresses the shoreline.

Author's Note

Any and all criticism is accepted! I want to get better at writing.

Reviews

[Jimmi Boi]

reminds me of Vietnam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 hoohoo those were the days

[Christine Dellinger]

Noice noice noice noice noice noice