A FED UP RAINFED TANK

wrote for the contest named POEM THIS PICTURE 1

 
A FED UP RAINFED TANK

How much I tried

To appear clean and clear

And reflect the lofty sky

That spread far above me..

 

Still, the same sky

For whom I stilled my life

And disciplined my movements

To have his image in me..

Squeezed drops into my being

Creating round futile waves in me

 

Made the muck from my bottom

To come up and defile my looks

Permitted morals to call me

An immoral lady from top

To the bottom of her life

 

Rain fed tanks like me, 

Are victims of religions

That can never put into practice

They vainly long for a heaven

That can never come alive.

 

Sham sun of many fictitious days

Laughed at my vain attempt

To catch and reflect the clouds

Far above me, too far from me…

But, as the rascality of destiny..

I cant quit hoping for a good reflection.

Reviews

[Holly O'Brien]

DEEP!! that's all I have to say...you're good!! I can read your stuff all day..but hey..for now, this poem is just lovely!! I wish I could express my appreciation for this with better words lol...but honestly I liked it!! There is something about the way it seizes self conciseness so well...I was drawn in from the first stanza and my favorite stanza was ...

"Still, the same sky

For whom I stilled my life

And disciplined my movements

To have his image in me..

Squeezed drops into my being

Creating round futile waves in me"

[Daniel Gardner]

nice job i love your style and topics

[Coyote Poetry]

I love your poetry. It need to be read a few times. Hard to see a good refection when only negative we feel and see. A powerful poem with a very strong story in the words.
Coyote

[Huggy Bear]

I enjoyed it a lot:)

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Rain fed tanks like me,
Are victims of religions
__
Loved this simile! It was a simple yet a very deep and intense piece of writing.
Great work!

[Ruth]

Wow!
This is poignant! Profound imagery here, a loathing, that good reflection is always hoped for!
Great poem
xx