RAIN RAIN GO AWAY

wrote for a contest

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY

 

Rain …

Trains of rains

Through my limbs

From the top to bottom

 

Where can I search for

Whom can I ask for

Words to depict

What I felt

 

Yes I remember,

It is same as what I felt

When he kissed me

For the first time

 

Trains of rains of emotions

Visited me, making me

Shudder at their thunder, so loud

For the first time in my life.

 

Beauty of first rain

Beauty of summer rain

Beauty of first desire

Beauty of first emotional fire

 

All that is beautiful

Doesn’t last long

Just like monsoon

It said adieu after many torrents..

 

He left the world

A world that I thought

Will remain imperishable

In the ramparts of my love for him

 

He walked away like rain itself

Leaving many memories

That tap tapped in my consciousness

Like rain drops from leaves

That once dallied with hurricanes

In a rain of watery emotions

 

To sooth away the pain

Of a deep longing

I sing “Rain Rain Go Away”

While there is no rain in courtyard..

While there are down pours inside me

Of incessant suppressed sobbing

As if it is going to be monsoon the whole year.

Author's Note

wrote it for a contest...
nobody has kissed me yet.....

Reviews

[RDOriginal]

I think this is an interesting poem but I have to agree with Dinesh that the title doesn't really connect so well with the poem and there is a certain awkwardness about the structure. Changes of rhythm and rhyme can often be used to affect the readers pace or highlight a particular image you'd like them to pause over. However, this poem has rather too many and it makes it hard to enjoy as a cohesive piece.

On the positive side there are some good turns of phrase here and some quite raw emotions that you've described very well but for me it didn't quite work structurally which is a shame as I know you've produced some good poems recently that I've really enjoyed.

Please don't be discouraged! There are parts to be proud of here it just didn't really hit that poetic sweet spot for me.

[Undying Glory]

really lovely write, and beautiful indeed. i think you've written this really, really sweetly. awesome!

[Ruth]

The rain used for metaphorical hurt and a journey through the emotions here is wonderful!
Beautiful poem!
xx

[An owl on the moon]

What a beautiful, bittersweet story unfolds in your story.. The rain bringing both the wonder and the pain of leaving. Wonderful write!

[Globy]

"Trains of rains" i liked that very much!
well done :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Those raining day feelings. I don't know. Rare days in Michigan where a warm day and a cool rain falls down. I like the poem. I believe in a tropical place romance could be a great possibility with the rain and too much free time. I like the story and the ending. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

I love the way you play with emotions in your write.Rain can be used as an analogy for so many emotions,happy and torrential..

[deeps]

To sooth away the pain
Of a deep longing
I sing “Rain Rain Go Away”

Love these words here, This is a wonderful write here.
SImply wonderful. I enjoyed this.