YOU CAN HIDE NO MORE

Wrote ....looking at yellow Rose flowe

YOU CAN HIDE NO MORE

What did the sun tell to you?

In the morning I saw both of you

Smiling at each other

What did the wind do to you?

In the morning I saw both of you

Nodding at each other

What did the night give to you?

In the morning I saw both of you

Dreaming of each other

What did silence do to you?

In the morning I saw both of you

Meditating of each other

What did the twilight present to you?

In the morning I saw you….

Wearing his evening robe..

You can no more hide

Anything from me…

My dear rosé flower!!!

Tell me everything!!!!!

Reviews

[Daniel Gardner]

Very creative. I love the feel of this.

[Shante Payne]

This is great. I can sense that the speaker is baggering the flower about it's love for the sun. Great concept of hidden lovers and you even show that objects like flowers and the sun can care for one another. You are a very good writer.

[Tracie D'Angelo]

I really like poems that repeat certain lines and then the final stanzas seem to carry on the deeper meaning. Very well written.

[The Analog Kid]

Great structure. I like the almost cat and mouse playful way of the theme:)

[Holly O'Brien]

I love it!! I can feel the message being portrayed to me as if I'm being tutored on the subject...love needs no witnesses, only it's victims lol..great write! (p.s some touch ups on a few grammatical errors are needed here and there)

[Angel Veselinov]

Great as usual :P Nice work.

[James Watts]

I liked this. Hidden romance. Is this an affair or maybe a write from a jealous ex-lover. Maybe a jealous person scorned by rejection for another. Nice write.

[RDOriginal]

This is a cute poem using a simple question and answer theme for each stanza. The benefit of this is that is creates a strong structure and allows for a surprise change of form to have added impact, as you've done here with the last stanza.

As has been pointed out by another reviewer there is a certain awkwardness created by removing the leading 'the' from sun, wind, night etc. However, a different way to read this is as if these elements are being personified - referring to 'night' rather than 'the night' gives the impression it is its own character. This would then reflect the way in which the roses themselves are being personfied.

The final stanza breaks the established pattern of the poem and works quite well although I'm not a great fan of multiple exclamation marks, particularly two sets used so close together. I'd suggest that maybe the first set could go?

This poem uses structure and personification well and the overall effect is cute simplicity.

[Martina]

wow, interesting. Very well written, and a great flow with words. Good Job, writing and expressing this poem :)

[Tea And A Cheshire Smil..]

I love the flow of this ^^ brilliant write. I don't have any criticisms really... :)