MY LOVE ROBBED MY
CASTLE OF SOLITUDE
Mine
was an arranged marriage. Before my marriage solitude was my castle, where I
was the king. I never thought that a man would come to rob me off my kingdom.
But, I hadn’t the courage to oust him when I thought of sweetness of his kisses
on my lips and his embracing hands around me. I was not aware of the magnitude
of loss lenience of my psyche regarding his slow, soothing, loving and charming
trespass into my kingdom was going to incur upon me.
After
marriage, whenever I sat at my writing table it took me many hours to write a
poem. My powers of attention found it difficult to collect itself in his loving,
assuring, omniscience in my life after marriage. I could feel my creative
energy flowing down. In each night I discovered my self in his arms at the cost
of my creative energy. I was inundating with stories and poems. But somewhere
on my way I lost that skill of pouring it out.
Now I understood how true Sigmund Freud was, while stating that the same
libido works behind both sex and creative writing. The walls of my castle have
begun crushing down one by one. And it collapsed totally with the arrival of my
first baby.
If
you ask me weather I am happy now, I will say “Yes I am happy with my husband
and my child, we share and care for each other” but in some remote corner of my
mind a pain throbs for my lost castle of solitude. Will I get it back once
again in this life before my death?
To gain one
thing is to lose other.