To Know

i tell you all...
but despite all this
you can't fully know me.
were you there when i grew numb?
when fear surpassed love?
when a doll's smile and a child's spirit
re-enacted her childhood games
and never thought of consequence.
when hands invaded and tears fell
when flesh crawled with their fingertips?

i would rather be alone
than go through that again.

craving then, craving always
why else the painful repetition
of the same love
with a different face?
next time might be different.
next time never was.
i am at fault--
my heart can't extend past this.
i see them two-dimensionally
their souls never growing past
the basics of their nature.
which seems unnatural to me.

don't claim to know.
you see all, so agree you've seen
the demeanour of freedom
when calmness descended upon tarnished fragility.
my very skin radiated her scent
and i hurt to wash it away.