Chapter One

Chapter 1

I slip on my deep purple crop top; my therapist always thought I looked good in purple. She said it complimented my sun kissed skin. I wriggle into my pale blue skinny jeans that have just the right amount of wear and tear. I add my black leather jacket to polish off my look for the night. I take one last look at myself in the mirror, convince myself I look irresistible, grab my purse, and saunter out of my apartment.

I had heard about this new, up and coming band that was going to play at the local bar on Friday a couple nights ago. I talked myself into going, telling myself I deserved a night out...even if it would be by myself. That's my destination for tonight.

I decide to walk to the bar, reassuring myself that it isn't that far away from my apartment. This way I have more time to give myself a pep talk before entering a situation where I may have to socialize. I fidget with my crop top. Why did I wear this? I knew I didn't have the body to pull this off.

I was about to turn around and retreat back to my apartment, but I knew if I did I'd be more afraid of the world than I already am. I take a deep breath, primp my hair, push up my breasts (making them a little more visible), and I'm ready to have fun tonight with my newly found confidence.

I push open the door of the bar, instantly engulfed by the smell of booze and cigarettes. There's a counter at the bar and several tables set up in front of the stage. I decide to just stand close to the back of the room, that way I won't be forced to converse with someone. I can enjoy the show without having my comfort zone disrespected. I hope I look hot and mysterious, not creepy.

I shake off my worries and decide to get myself a drink before the show starts.

I plop myself down on one of the bar stools. I order myself a Long Island Iced Tea. I thought the strong drink would loosen me up a bit. I take a few sips and return to my spot in the back of the room. I casually sip my drink and watch people file in through the door. Fifteen minutes pass and we're informed that the band will begin in a few minutes.

I glance at the time. 10:42. Maybe I should just leave? I could get up early tomorrow and clean the apartment. The apartment always needs cleaning. That's when my thoughts were interrupted by a group of party girls. They obviously had several drinks before they came.

"Why are you standing back here all alone?" asks the blonde girl wearing a mini skirt and an even smaller shirt. Color rushes to my face. Why did someone have to notice me? "Um, uh, I thought I'd hear the music better back here?" I manage to mutter. The brunette wearing a black dress joins the conversation by saying, "I'm pretty sure you'll hear the music even better right next to the stage!" That's when the blonde grabs my free hand and drags me through the crowd to the front of the stage with her friends. Uncomfortable is an understatement.

I loathe being thrown into situations I'm not prepared for. I certainly was not prepared to be in front of the stage with a group of girls who are way more attractive than me. But it would be rude to abandon them right?

The bartender brings over a tray of shots. Apparently it's the brunette's birthday. They make me set down my drink and replace it with a shot glass. Soon enough I'm taking shots with strangers.

The band comes on a couple minutes after. The girls drag me onto the dance floor after gulping a few more shots. I finally take a glance at the stage. Now that I'm not right in front of the stage I feel more comfortable possibly making eye contact with the band members. I first notice the lead singer. He has golden skin like he spends a lot of time in the sun, average height, sandy blond hair, and obviously goes to the gym. He actually has a really good voice. I'm captivated by him, but only for a second. I continue my stare to the next band member. The drummer. The aqua shirt he's wearing compliments his dark skin so well. He has short black hair and the perfect amount of scruff along his jawline. And that jawline...I bet he could cut something with that jawbone. I am truly mesmerized. I don't realize how long I had been staring until the birthday girl nudges me. "Enjoying the show?" she asks with a smile on her face and her eyebrow raised. I stammer, "Oh uh yes, it's a really nice show." She giggles. She insists, "Since it's my birthday my friends and I get to meet the band afterwards...you should join us! Since you love the show so much." She adds a wink. She hands me another shot and I drain it. Tonight is going to be fun.  

After an hour of dancing seductively, or as seductive as I could possibly be, the show is over. The lead singer thanks everyone for coming and announces a very happy birthday to Olivia. That must be the brunette. After the band leaves the stage, the girls start making their way backstage. I was just going to leave right then but the blonde turns around and starts running my way. "C'mon! You're coming with us!" she shouts. Part of me is disappointed since my plan to secretly sneak out of the bar failed. The other part of me is amped up with excitement to get the chance to see the drummer again. I smile nervously and follow the group.

We're almost backstage when my stomach decides to start gurgling like a sea monster. I stop in my tracks. I announce that I have to use the restroom and leave. While in the restroom I take an excessive amount of deep breaths. I continually tell myself everything will be fine. I need to do this. I can't go home now. I do one more breathing exercise and go back into the hallway.

The girls are no longer there. They must have gone backstage already. I slowly make my way down the hallway, until I start hearing voices. I follow the voices until I get to a door labeled 'BACK STAGE.' I reach for the knob with my sweaty hand. It opens with a creak. I peer inside only to find an empty room. I walk all the way into the room until I'm in the center. I just heard voices...where could they have gone so fast?

Soon enough, a door on the far wall opens and it is like heaven's gate opening. He looks even more attractive in this lighting. My dreams are coming true. I'm alone in a room with the drummer. He looks my way.

"Sam is in the other room," he declares.

"Sam?" I ask with a confused look on my face.

"Yeah, Sam, the lead singer?"

"Oh."

"Aren't you here to see him?"

"Um kind of, I guess."

He looks at me questioningly, his caramel eyes sparkling.

"Kind of?"

He takes a seat on the cream sofa in the room. I turn to face him. I can feel the heat rising to my cheeks and I try to explain myself.

"Well I came to see your band perform and I ran into this group of girls and they invited me to party with them and then they got invited back here so I tagged along but I lost track of them so I came in here so I guess I'm here to see this Sam person but not really because I don't really want to see him."

He smiles, exposing a shallow dimple in his left cheek. He runs his hand through his hair.

"Do you ever breath while talking?"

I exhale the air that I had been holding in. He lets out a low chuckle.

"Why don't you relax and take a seat."

He pats the sofa cushion next to him. I smile shyly, tuck a strand of my blonde curly hair behind my ear, and sit next to him on the sofa. I glance down at my fidgeting hands, not knowing what else to do. He turns his body so he's facing me. He brings his feet up onto the sofa and sits cross-legged. He then props up his elbow on his leg and places his head in his palm. It reminds me of a school girl waiting for someone to dish out some hot gossip. I giggle.

He c***s his head to the side and asks, "Did you enjoy the show?" I nod my head. "It was great," I reply. Shouldn't the alcohol be kicking in right about now? I really need something to take my nervousness away. He repositions himself so his arms rest on his bent knees. "It looked like you were enjoying yourself," he claims. I smile and glance his way. He smiles back. "You have some pretty sick dance moves," he says with a straight face. I burst out laughing, knowing how ridiculous I must have looked on the dance floor. His serious face crumples and turns into a big toothy smile.

He then stands up and moves into the middle of the room. "My favorite was this dance move," he gestures. I adjust my body so that I'm facing him. I'm curious to see how he'll imitate my dancing. He begins to shake his hips side to side. To my disbelief he begins to do the sprinkler. I gasp. "Did I really do the sprinkler?" I ask horrified. He laughs so hard he has to sit back down on the couch to brace himself. He manages to say yes through his giggles. I guess the alcohol worked a little better than I thought. I pull my feet up on the sofa and place my arms around my knees. I bury my face into my arms. "I can't believe I did that. I must have looked so stupid," I mutter through my arms. "I thought you looked sexy," he coos. I look up at him with hopeful eyes. "I'm Aiden." He reaches out his hand for me to shake. I take it hesitantly. As soon as our skin touches, tingles run up my spine. "I'm Daisy."

"It's nice to meet you, Daisy."

Just as we were making our introductions, the door opens revealing the party girls and Sam. Sam has his arms wrapped around Olivia and one of her friends. Olivia turns to face him and thanks him for celebrating her birthday with her. She daringly goes for a kiss on his cheek. Seeing it coming, Sam places his finger over her puckered lips. He then gently caresses her head in his hands. He leans in until his lips connect with hers. Olivia’s eyes are open, shocked as to what is happening. She then accepts the kiss and wraps her arms around his neck. The girls all cheer. I'm left with my mouth gaping open. I had never seen such a passionate kiss so up close before. Aiden steals a glance at me and notices my astonishment.

The girls make their way out of the room and Sam goes out the door he came in. Aiden then leans back, deep into the sofa and stretches his arms out, revealing a strip of his toned stomach. I blush and quickly look away, hoping he didn't notice me checking out his body. I was then hit with the realization that everyone left and I probably should leave too. I stand abruptly. "I should go too," I say more like a question than a statement. Aiden makes his way over to where I'm standing. He scratches his head nervously then places his hands in his pockets.

"Would you maybe want to go out on a date with me sometime?" he asks while looking at the floor. I stand in shock. Did he just ask me out? Is this really happening? I shift awkwardly. "If you don't want to, just say no," he says while looking up at me with sad eyes. I immediately start shaking my head and I hold my hands up in defense.

"No, no. I would love to go out with you," I assure, hoping I didn't blow my shot. His eyes light up.

"I'm just surprised you asked me," I add shyly.

"Are you free tomorrow night?" He asks excitedly. I pretend like I'm running through my mind, checking to see if my schedule is free. He doesn't have to know I never have plans. Eventually I respond, "Tomorrow would be perfect." He shoots me another toothy grin that sends yet another tingle through my body.

"Why don't you write down your address and I'll pick you up at 7?" he suggests. I take out a pen I keep in my purse and scribble my address down on a piece of paper that was left on the table. After I'm done writing, I slip the paper into his stretched out hand. Our hands brush against each other and I blush. Does he feel the same electricity? He then grips my hand in his. He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it ever so gently. My legs turn to jelly at the moment his lips touch my body. He releases my hand and I return it to my side.

"See you tomorrow night, Daisy," he says seductively. "See you then," I respond in the most charming voice I could muster. I then turn around and exit the room. As soon as the door closes behind me, I instantly lean against the wall. I slowly sink down to the floor, exhaling as I fall. Did that really just happen? Did I really just get asked out on a date? Deep breath. I can do this. I can go on this date. I mean what could possibly go wrong? My mind immediately conjures up about a million different scenarios of what could go horribly wrong. I slam my hand into my forehead, signaling my brain to shut up. I promise myself everything will go perfectly. After my mind accepts my promise, I get up off the floor.

As soon as I walk through the door of my apartment I untie my converse sneakers and toss them to the side. What kind of person thought it was a good idea to shove hot, sweaty feet into socks and shoes? I despise shoes. My next stop is my bedroom. I find the gray tee I wear to bed and begin undressing myself. I received the gray tee as a gift from my mom for Christmas. It says "My bed is my happy place" in bold black letters. That statement couldn't be more true. I remove all my clothing besides my underwear and slip the tee on. I feel better already.

I then tie my hair up into a messy bun on top of my head with the hair tie I always keep on my wrist. I make my way to the bathroom next to finish my nightly routine of brushing my teeth and cleansing my face. After I finish, I crawl into bed. I can never fall asleep without reading a few chapters of whatever book I happen to be reading that day. I drift off into sleep after reading only a couple pages. Socializing can really tire a person out.

 

~~~

 

I wake at my usual time of 7:00. I groggily get out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom. I then get dressed into my running clothes, which consists of patterned leggings and a tank top. I leave my hair in the messy bun and just add a headband to trap any hair that tries to escape. I walk to my entryway and slip on my dreaded socks and shoes. I do my routine stretches and head out the door.

I started jogging about a week ago. My therapist said it would be a good way to release my anguish. I can't tell if it has been working yet. Jogging seems to only add to my anxiety. I mean just imagine the people I could run into while outside!

Jogging does make me feel better about myself though. I've always been insecure about my body, so maybe I'll finally reach my goal weight! It's not like I've really tried losing weight before, I had always hoped my body fat would just disappear miraculously on its own. As expected, that didn't happen.

I'm not necessarily overweight, but I'm not skinny either. Let's just say I have a little extra meat on my bones. My upper body doesn't look too bad, actually. It's my stomach and thighs that are problem areas. They've been my problem areas since about middle school.

I begin my route around my neighborhood. Blaring my upbeat music to try and drown my thoughts. I increase my speed for a couple blocks, feeling energized. When I come around my corner, about an hour later, I glide into a gentle walk.

As soon as I walk through my front door I rip of my shoes. I then go into the kitchen. I nibble on a granola bar and make myself a protein shake. When my heart beat returns to its regular pace, I hop into the shower.

I love showering. I could easily shower for an hour, but I limit myself to 30 minutes. Half of that time I spend solely on washing my hair. It takes forever to lather and rinse shampoo and conditioner out of my hair. After I wash my hair and body, I spend the rest of my allotted time just letting the water cascade over me. Feeling the water trickle onto my face, down my body is a heavenly feeling. It feels as if all my worries are being washed away. I turn off the water and step out of the shower when I enter the most relaxed state I could possibly be in. I towel off and walk to my closest. I pick out a comfy outfit I can lounge in. After I select my outfit I quickly change and then return to the bathroom. I dry my hair with a towel and then add some gel to it. That's about all I know what to do with my hair. I don't even bother messing with it.

I decide to start cleaning; my apartment actually is pretty dirty. After hours of picking up clutter and wiping grimy surfaces I settle into my reclining chair. I turn on the television and find whatever crime show is currently airing. To my delight, Law and Order is on. I lean back and put my feet up. As soon as I get comfortable I'm interrupted by my growling stomach. I roll my eyes in irritation and make my way to the kitchen. I fix myself a quick sandwich and return to my oasis in the living room. After a few episodes I glance at the clock. 5:00! Aiden will be here in 2 hours! I sprint to my closet to find something to wear.

What do girls usually wear on dates? I've never gone on a date before! The closest thing to a date I've been on was back in 8th grade.

My mom encouraged me to go to the local high school football game. I ended up sitting by myself on the bleachers, not knowing where else to sit. It wasn't long until I hear someone yell my name. My eyes scan the crowd. My stare falls on a light skinned, brown haired guy in the second row. I give him a questioningly look, which he returns with a gesture to sit next to him. I do as I'm told and take a seat next to him. I learn that his name is Jeremy and he's actually in the grade above me.

By half time, the air has chilled significantly. Jeremy notices my shivering and leans in close. He wraps his arms around me and snuggles me close. Sounds nice doesn't it? I thought so too.

Little did I know he was going to ask Melanie to be his girlfriend only 2 days after that night. My hope was shattered like fragile glass.

Back to the present situation...do girls usually wear a dress on a date? Do I even have a dress!? I tear through my closet until my hands land on my only dress. I forgot I even had it. I tried to remember where it came from...Then it hit me! My mom gave it to me to wear to a wedding a couple summers ago! Would it even fit? There's only way to find out.

I slip the blush pink dress off the hanger and hold it over my body. After I examine it for a few seconds I decide it might actually fit. I remove my clothing and slide into the dress.

When I look back into the mirror I don't even recognize myself.

Are my breasts really that big? They look about 2 sizes bigger than usual. I poke around in the dress to see if there's extra padding that's making them seem bigger. To my astonishment, it's just my breasts doing the work. I pause in delight. I move down my body and examine my waist next. It...it actually looks slender! How is that even possible! And my hips! They look amazing! Usually they jut out, making me feel like I should hang a "wide load" sign on my rear. But in this dress, they curve perfectly! And my a*s looks exceptional. I expected that though, I've always had a great a*s.

The dress fits snugly around my waist and hips and loosens at my thighs. The design hides my thick thighs almost like magic. Not knowing what I'll end up doing on the date, I practice a random dance move to see how well I can move around in the dress. Despite my lame dance move, I still look flawless! This dress has to be enchanted, right!? Satisfied with my outfit choice, I go into the bathroom. I try to tame down my frizzy hair, but nothing ever works. I move onto my makeup, giving up on my hair. I apply a thin layer of mascara and lip gloss, which is the most makeup I ever wear. I'm about to pucker my lips in the mirror when I hear the doorbell ring.

Is it really 7:00 already!? I pull on the nicest pair of shoes I own, a silver pair of flats, and I speedily walk to the entryway.