“It could have been Beautiful”

An emotional story about a girl who makes a decision to try something new and it ruins her life and her boyfriends life forever, nothing will ever be the same.

 

Tonight as I stand over the bathroom sink I wonder how things got this bad and how I became this emotionally torn over a boy. How did I get to this point in my life to not wanting a life at all? I cry loudly with a razor in my right hand as I watch my left arm take a beating. Bloods dripping down my arm and gently past my finger tips onto my white blouse. I struggle to cut deeper until all my tears and pain fade but something interrupts me. A simple knock on the bathroom door turns into pounding. As my heart thumps I cant stop now, iv came this far. “think! Think!” I tell myself. “who could that be? Moms at work til 12am and dads not around at all.” I can feel myself letting go like somethings tugging on my soul the blood rushes out and I'm almost gone, almost completely faded when. . . the door opens. . .

Three months earlier.

About Tori

“I love you to the moon and back, Tori” a soft gentle kiss to my cheek sends chills down my spine and sparks up my cheek. I wrap my arms around Josh Herdsmen, “you’re the light to my shine, Josh” I reply. My names Tori Lard, I'm 16 years old. I met Josh when I was 14 and we have been dating since. His mother's name is Carrie Herdsmen and she's absolutely brilliant. She loves me almost as much as Josh. As for my parents their divorced, tragic I know. Dad doesn’t come around so its just me and my mom. I can't stand her half the time, we fight like cats and dogs. We have nothing in common.

Mom tries to dress me like a princess but that’s not my style I'm a Skinny jeans, band shirts, type of girl, nothing to flashy. Today is a nice day and Josh came by before work to tell me he loves me and will be thinking of me all day. He's the sweetest. Someday he says he's going to marry me and give me the world. I tell him he's crazy but he doesn't think so. Now I’m lying in bed moms working late tonight shes been working late for awhile now and I’m getting lonely but that’s just a reason for Josh to come over and hold me.

A day with Josh

“Hey beautiful, I want to take you somewhere special today” Josh says smiling into my eyes as we lay next to each other in his bedroom. “Oh really? That sounds awesome” I smile back. He takes my hand and leads me down the hall to his moms room. “we're going out ma, don't wait up okay?” he kisses his mom on the forhead. “Alright Josh, take care of that young lady or ill half to kick your butt!” his dad moves in and pats him on the back jokingly and it makes me blush. “bye love you guys!” I holler but Josh has me almost out the door. He kisses my cheek and shines his beautiful white teeth. “ I love you so much, Tori!” he gives me a long gentle kiss. I wanted to reply but he took all the breath I had with that kiss.

A beautiful place.

I look around as we pull into a beautiful little picnic area with a huge pond, its deserted and I can't imagine why, it's amazing here. He takes my hand and helps me out his car. “Follow me theres something else I half to show you.” he demands and I follow without a word. He leads me to a huge oak tree and as we get closer I can see that someone's carved “Josh Herdmen loves Tori Lard Forever and Ever” not just someone, it was Josh. And this is the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me. “Oh, Josh! I love you so much!” he takes my hand, “oh you like? Your welcome baby girl” he laughs and I knew at this moment I didn't waste 2 years with just some guy, I didn't waste anything because this man really loves me. My heart is finally one hundred percent complete. Nothing can come between us.

After a long night with Josh he brought me home at 2am, f**k! Moms home! I walk in the door after another long, sweet kiss and as I shut the door mom decides to wipe the smile right off my face. “where the hell have you been!? I hope you know your grounded from seeing him for awhile.” I smile “yeah okay mother dearest!” I scream and now I’m slamming my door behind me. It's amazing she could be an actress, she doesn't care its just something for her to b***h me out about. School tomorrow, yaay.

Bad decision

I'm sitting in class passing notes to a friend, Jarred. And when I read what he has to say i'm a little shocked of how excited it makes me.

Hey girl, I know your a little goody to shoes but I’ve got some stuff you up for getting high after school? And in case you don;t know what “stuff” means its weed, the good s**t, promise.

S**t, I'm just going to go home to get b***h out so more why not try something new? Hell yes! I reply. And the bells about to ring. BLINGGGGGGGGG! SCHOOLS OUT! WOOHOO!.

Now I'm high as hell. My eyes are redder then a tomato. I feel tiered and happy all at once. Everything makes me laugh. I'm about to walk in the house and I know im about an hour late. Sure enough mom greets me at the door. “where have you been young lady!” she yells and I just laugh. “oh you know, just hung with a friend.” I reply with a huge smirk. She grabs my face. “i called Josh and hes on his way over, he was just as worried.” she says with concern. Damn her. “ Mom what the f**k?! I was just an hour late from school why would you call Josh?” I yell back. She sits me on the sofa. “Now your cursing? Are you high Tori Nichole Lard?! I didn't call him he called here because he didn't see you after school like he usually does.” I laugh a little but the door bell interrupts my come back, it's josh.

He walks inside and looks totally worried and scared. He sits next to me. “whats up? Why didn't I see you after school?” he asks. I take his hand. “ I was with a friend.” I giggle. He looks into my eyes like he already knows I’m higher then life right now. “Your high Tori, I know those red eyes, I’ve been around my brother when he was high every day, who the hell did you get high with!?” he yells and I start to feel scared. “Jarred.” I reply with my sad voice.

He jumps up and I grab his arm. “Josh, where are you going?” I say sadly. But he doesn't feel sorry for me right now, hes pissed. He doesn't say a word he just looks away and shakes me off. “I can't look at you right now, Tori. Ill be back in a few days to talk to you but not right now not when your like this” then he walks out the door and I watch him drive away. Then I head to bed.

Today school is boring, I sit here wishing I was high and jarred offers again so I take that offer, I don't know why Josh got so mad over me getting high, is being high really that big of a deal? So I walk home high again and I don't see Josh at all. When I walk into the house mom's already gone for work and she left me a note saying she wont be home til late so I call Josh and his mom answers. “Hey Mrs. Herdsmen is Josh there?” there's along pause and then she speaks very steadily. “No, darlin I'm sorry you just missed him hes going to his Brothers house for the whole weekend, ill let him know you called.” I hang up the phone without saying goodbye. Did I screw things up? Over getting high? Is it really that big of a deal, dang. I'm lying in bed alone tonight.

The weekend flew by and its already Monday. So after along day at school I decided to call Josh again and hes coming over, I wonder if hes still mad at me. When he finally gets here I hug him for along time. “i missed you, Josh.” I say but he says nothing for along time. Then he finally sits next to me on the sofa and speaks in a very mature manner. “Tori getting high isn't that big of a deal, iv dated girls who like getting high all the time, but your different and that's why I love you, now your doing things you didn't do before and your cursing all the time. this kind of s**t ruins lives, what are you going to try next? Meth? Heroine? Are you screwing the guy too?” Anger shoots through me and I slap him hard “F**K YOU!” I say and he leaves. I've never hit any guy before but he deserved it. He's always so jealous! I knew it was all because I hung with a handsome guy from school.

3:20 am

RING RING...RING...RING...Phone! My phones ringing, It's josh's mother. “what's going on? Is everything okay Mrs. Herdsmen?” I ask half asleep. But it's not her voice its Josh's dad, Peter. “Tori, it's josh he came home after he left your house and he was upset, then he went out with some friends and he didn't come back about 30 minutes ago the Hanson’s Hospital called saying there was a car wreck, two people in the car, Josh and a boy named Jarred. The doctor said he smelled liquer on them and jarred said they had been drinking a lot, to much to be driving.” my heart starts to shatter and tears feel my eyes. “what about Josh? What did Josh say?” I say in a panic. He doesn't respond fast and his voice is weak, Is he crying? “Honey, Josh is gone.” he says and I drop the phone. No! There is no way he's gone. He can't be dead! He cant!. Mom comes rushing into my room “what's going on Tori, are you okay!?” she comes over to hold me while I cry and scream, I can't catch my breath long enough to explain but someone knocks on the front door and she goes to answer it, its Joshes mom. She explains everything. My life just lost all meaning it ever had. I killed my boyfriend, if I hadn't got high, we wouldn't have fought. I killed him :(

Three months later.

I keep telling myself if I cut just a little deeper I can stop crying, stop being sad and be in another world beyond the hurt. Almost there, door opens. “Tori stop!” Jarred? He rushes over to me and wraps my arm in his shirt. Tears flood his eyes. “This is not the way to go Tori! I know you love him okay! He loved you more then anything, this is my fault! He doesn't want to see you like this Tori, we half to get you to the...” his words are fading and I feel him left my body into his arms hes still talking but I can barely hear him and the blood is dripping through his shirt. “Stay with me Tori!” he taps my face but my eyes close. I think I see Joshes face. I can't remember who’s carrying me. Suddenly I hear myself speak “Josh? Josh? Iv missed you.” and then everything goes dark.

Lights bright as can be. Where am I? I can hear mom crying, someone talking to her saying “Tori's going to be fine, she just about lost her arm though, thank goodness for this young man here” who is he talking about? Then it comes back to me, Jarred. I struggle to open my eyes, mom rushes over and hugs me, for once I actually believe she might love me. “Therapy, Tori.” then she leaves me alone with Jarred. For the first time since iv known him he's not high. He takes my hand. “I thought we lost you for sure when you started calling me Josh. I should have been the one to die, not him Tori, I am so sorry” he starts crying, hard. I rest my hand on his to let him know it's not his fault.

Therapy

4 times a week I use to talk to a women named Diane about Josh and about me and I even talked to her about Jarred, who comes over to check on me every other day. Now I only see Diane when I’m feeling lonely, or depressed. It's been 9months since Josh passed away and today I asked Jarred to take me to a special place. I showed him the Oak tree and for a moment my heart didn't feel so broken anymore, my heart felt somewhat at peace. I don't get to come to this place often so I walked over to the tree and rested my hand on “Josh Herdsmen loves Tori Lard Forever and ever” tears flooded my face I wiped them off my cheeks, then I decided to carve something into the tree right underneath Josh's writing. “Til death do us part.” a few weeks later I got a tattoo, mom wasn't happy about it but she didn’t fuss much. Right over the scare on my left are it says Josh Herdsmen with a Pot-leaf. We could have been something beautiful, one decision ruined it all.

Author's Note

I havent checked this for mistakes though I am sure there are mistakes lol take it easy on me ;P i just wrote this in two hours hope u like.

Reviews

[I Am Svetlana]

It may be written in just two hours, but it turned out magnificent! (mistakes or not). It's such a powerful story and I'm sure some can relate. My boyfriend certainly helps me stop doing stupid things like cutting or hanging out with the wrong people. Anyways, I really loved this and it really hit home for me. Thanks for sharing! You're a wonderful storyteller :)

[jamykinns]

Thank you; )

[AmandaFuller]

It is worth the read. I love this story.

[jamykinns]

Thank you:)

[AmandaFuller]

You're welcome!

[jamykinns]

Thanks love. I wrote this five years ago♡