Re: Date with the Needle

I read this exceptional poem By Keegan D'souza (http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/KeeD/1106300/) which forced me to reply for the feelings of little John when he grew up....

Mom I have now grown old,
Old enough to read that u sold your soul..

I hope the needle didn't hurt you much,
I wish I was there for a gentle touch..

I will always remember the smile on your lips,
Like the beauty of moon after an eclipse..

Oh Mom! You need not be sorry to me,
For we didn't spent time together,
But I could see your blessing in all weather..

Oh Mom! I miss you now,
I wish we did have some talk,
And you were there when I had my first walk..

Oh Mom! I wish we could have gone for holidays,
Where you could have explained me what had gone wrong,
Why my father left and was not so strong...

Oh Mom! I wish I could rewind the time,
Remove that date you had with the needle,
So that we can show our love to other people....

Author's Note

This piece is just a reply thought , which John would have like to give to her mother.... First part is written by Keegan, and I would like to thank him and ask him sorry for choosing and reply to his topic :)

Hope its fine Keegan D'souza.....

Reviews

[KeeD]

Wow, this was amazing. I couldn't have captured John's pain through words and love better myself. This is wonderful and you really captured what the poem I wrote was about. That connection between a mother and a child that no obstacle not even death could come between off. Much respect and much love, Kee.

[smilempsn]

Thanks a lot... :)
Getting a appreciation from u mean a lot.. coz this was a reply to ur one of the greatest piece I have read :)

ThankU again :)

[Akshat♥]

oh neha! what a lovely piece ;)
you have captured the emotions pretty well here :)
Short and sweet poem...really liked it!!
I can understand the feeling here..keep writing!!

[smilempsn]

hmm ThankU Akshat... I hope you have read the original poem for which this reply was written :)
read morehmm ThankU Akshat... I hope you have read the original poem for which this reply was written :)
You will understand more .....

[Akshat♥]

You are always welcome dear :)

[smilempsn]

^-^

[Akshat♥]

(*_*)

[smilempsn]

:D ankhonn ko kya hua Akki :P

[Akshat♥]

kuch nhi aapko dekh ke aankhe faati ke faati reh gayi..lol :D

[smilempsn]

..hehe..haha.. :D :P

[Akshat♥]

good to see u smile... :)

[smilempsn]

can't u see my name ;)
It itself has SMILE in that :)

I try to spread Smiles... and try to be in that mode too.. ^-^ :)

[Akshat♥]

I can feel that..lol :P

[smilempsn]

^-^

[Akshat♥]

hmm :P

[Tricia O'Brien]

This piece is rad, I dig it =-]

[smilempsn]

oh .. ThankU ^-^

[Tricia O'Brien]

Rad

[smilempsn]

Sorry.... I didn't get you..??

[Vikrantsingh]

We say in Indian Language "Zabardast - Outstanding"

[smilempsn]

ThankU Vikrant :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Very thoughtfully written indeed. The questioning of a child...so powerful. I read Keegan's poem, which I truly liked, and this is a great answer to it. You managed to harness the power of innocence and the falling from that innocence. Well done.

[smilempsn]

ThankU Girl ... My intention was same, to keep the John's innocence.. yet to capture his emotions.. :)
If I have managed to do that at least 10% also, then I think I have done well :) :)