Her

It does suck alot

It’s been awhile since I heard her voice, saw her smile and felt her warm body. It’s been almost 3 years but I still think about it day in and day out. Her hair tied up in a bun on top of her head. I’d get to school and the first thing I used to look for was that bun walking around in the crowd. So many things have happened since. Fights and a lot of immaturity from me. I never wanted to accept the fact that things were never going to change. I did not want her to leave me at all. But things happen and it doesn’t always end in rainbows and sunshine. 

I try to sleep but she drifts into my thoughts. I try to find distractions; other girls to make my own, but there is or was only one of her. Things ended in the worst way possible and I was at my worst because I lost the person I fell in love with without having done anything wrong. I tried and tried, to have one last look into her eyes and ask how her day was but that was way too much to ask for. 

Here I lay, unable to do a single thing about the state I’m in. I go back in time through my thoughts and memories, rewinding and replaying all those nights she was around me. I lay on the that rusted bench staring at the stars and she asks “do you remember the first time we met here?” I can’t answer because I’m stuck in my memories and she’s just an illusion even though I don’t want to believe it. I get up and walk away. Walk right past us sitting down together helping each other stay warm in the cold night and it fades into smoke the moment I pass by. I walk till I end up at the curb where I see us sitting down together and I listen to me telling her how much I love her. She turns her head and asks “remember when you wiped my tears and told me how much you love me?” I can’t answer because it’s just a mere illusion. I walk past as the hard engraved memories turn into smoke and fill the atmosphere. I walk and walk, down the dark road that never ends and she appears next to me, holds my hand with her head on my shoulder. “I love you so much” she says. Then all is smoke before I can open my mouth. All in a heartbeat. Gone. 

The desire to have her in my arms and to look into her eyes is un-bearable. It makes me feel empty, makes me feel like I’m sinking in my own regrets and sorrow. Her words, the way she looked at me and smiled, the way she told me she loved me, these are all the things that keep me chained to the ground. It hurts to see her be happy with someone else. It hurts so bad. I go back in time feeling the pain and I walk in my memories helplessly not able to do a single thing to change and get her back into my arms. I love her so much. To this day I have not forgotten a single thing. I wish things didn’t end the way they did. I wish this were all just a dream I wake up from one day and see her peacefully sleeping beside me..  

Reviews

[robsmunn]

This is good but its quite difficult to read due to it being all one big paragraph. To make it more accessible it might be an idea to split it up into two or three paragraphs! otherwise its quite gripping, has potential to be made into a longer story I would think!


Would you mind taking a look at the first few chapters of my book? Its called Saving Coralie. Would really appreciate some feedback!