Happiness is overrated

Self-discovery in the persuit of happiness

I’ve been wondering lately what happiness is to me and why it seems to be so fleeting. I’ve come to the conclusion that although I choose my own happiness relative to my surroundings, happiness is overrated. In order to find happiness, I first define what it is that brings me happiness.

Someone once told me that your ultimate level of happiness is set at the age of 16. What this means is that when you are at your happiest at 16 that is the peak of your happiness level. I don’t know about you, but my expectations as a 16-year-old were nothing more than pipe-dreams. I thought I had to have the hippest clothes, hang with the most superficial friends and have the most popular boy chauffeuring me to every event. My disappointment level at 16 was fairly high to say the least, and when I was happy, my happiness was rather shallow.

Along with the theory that the height of happiness is set at adolescence goes the theory that happiness lasts for no longer than a year then levels out. For instance, you buy your dream car. It’s what you’ve always wanted. After a year of driving that car around, you are back to square one, looking for that dream-whatever to fill the void again.

Does this mean that we are inevitably meant to be disappointed or sad? Perhaps so. I read a recent article in Newsweek describing how sadness is a necessary emotion. If we aren’t sad at some point, we never aspire for more than the status-quo. We’ve handed over our happiness meter to the pharmaceutical companies. Instead of basking in our blahs, we throw pills at them and seek counseling. Honestly, what is wrong with being sad every so often?

I’m not saying that everyone’s level of depression is equal. Sure, there is clinical depression, but most emotional inequalities are predominately relative to external factors. Let me draw your attention to people you may recognize. Mass media has recently highlighted the emotional spiraling of several high profile stars. Curt Cobain, Heath Ledger and Anna Nichole Smith are prime examples. How can someone be happy when they are bowing to the whim of everyone else?

What about Brittany Spears, you say? Well, look at her situation. Ever heard of post-partum depression? Most women go through this surge and retention of serotonin directly relative to the birth of a child. Many women don’t even know they are going through it. I can honestly say that I can’t believe my family and friends wanted anything to do with me during and after the birth of my children. I was a horrible person from the conception of my first child until my last child was three (for those of you who don’t know me, the time line equals out to approximately six years of my adult life).

Post-partum depression isn’t the only area of sadness women have to contend with. Contrary to current trends in equality of the sexes, women roll with self-anguish more frequently than men. Women are at their lowest point at least once a day, if not more often. Not to mention that time of the month. What then? Women change hormones levels as often as they change clothes.

Although I’m through the period in my life where post-partum can be blamed and things have more or less settled down to everyday bullshit, I’m beginning to have feelings of discontentment. What now? Well, life changes bring about discontentment. Boredom brings about discontentment. Dissatisfaction in the mundane brings about discontentment.

So, what should I do about it? Should I seek counseling to satisfy my need for contentment? Should I seek medication? No. Happiness is overrated and in order for me to bring about change in my little world, I must first feel the unease of unhappiness. I must wade through sadness to brave the unknown and find what brings me pleasure.

Unfortunately, it’s been quite a while since I could say that I’ve been ultimately happy, and I don’t know if I would recognize happiness right now if it slapped me upside the head. Is happiness purely satisfaction in the mundane? Does happiness simply mean that you aren’t sad? This line of thought brings me back to the height of happiness in adolescence theory. Perhaps I was clinically depressed during adolescence, so I never learned to be truly happy. Am I doomed for the rest of eternity?

I’d like to think not. I’d like to think that I’m simply bored or that I only need to find a hobby to find happiness. Until I find that something, I will continue being discontent, but even when I find do happiness, I can only look forward to it lasting a year. I guess I will continue seeking my happiness. When I find it, I’ll remember to save some discontentment for the future so I can start the cycle again.

Reviews

[Octob3r Star]

FAITH. Sometimes folks live without it or no not of its entirety. What it can do is everything and what it can work is wonders.

[The Spaniard]

This reads like it should be a article in a literary magazine. Full of great perceptions and angst. Truly profound statements that encourage people to challenge their perception on true happiness. If there is such a thing. I think too many people follow the addage that ignorance is bliss. Well I'd rather be disheartened than ignorant. I could go on forever with this so I'll stop now but not before i simply say...well done.

[None]

Your story makes us all think of happiness and what it means to the individual reader. I hope I'm stuck at sixteen, I had a terrific first boyfriend and my nickname was "The Kid" from them. I never forgot the joy of real love and will never settle for second best. I think settling brings unhappiness.
I believe happiness is a learned trait. I dive into motivational books to learn about happiness--especially when times are tough. A fantastic one I read over and over is "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind" by Dr. Joseph Murphy. The secrets for happiness unfold from that book, I found.
Thank you for your story, and for bringing up valid points concerning pharmaceuticals and hormonal problems. That saying, "Don't worry, be happy" used to make me cringe. lol.

[Champion]

As Plato said: 'The unexamined life is not worth living.'

I believe you're on the right track with your self-analysis. There are many contradictions to life but we can see ourselves with the potential for improvement always, so long as we are willing to assess our current circumstances honestly.

Good work. Very well thought out.

Champion

[Spoken]

This is very interesting and i agree on many points. In order to find happiness we must know sadness. Otherwise happiness goes unappreciated or unrecognized. Many times in my life i wondered am i simply happy to be sad? How can i live in happiness and contentment, because once i've achieved that ultimate goal... what's next? There's nothing left to strive for when you are completely content. So i push through the pain and look for those little moments of pure bliss and contentment.. no they do not last, but I am thankful for the few moments that come and go. Excellent write.. loved this!

[THERISA]

Having been battling depression for several years, before seeking treatment. I rather go back to the time, that i wasn't taking medication for it. Depression for me, is the window, which allows me to express an innerself, that otherwise would be closed to me. And, yes, part of my depression is the result of my coming out to the people around me as a transwoman. Being treated as a pariah for doing so. Now caught in limbo, until i can find that balance again. Thank you for sharing this view on depression with us.

Therisa

[poddar kushal]

in a commercial world the happyness is not "less is more" but, craving for more and "more is less". i appreciate that you atleast dare to question" why apples are keeping fall on the ground?" i my self sometimes become easy pray of this. i am sure you girls are suffering what i even cannot imagine. keep writing. may be this is an outlet to gush out our depressions.

[The Tao of Bri]

thiws is a very well thought out disertation and I never thought of the Brittany spears insight..good call... I do think that happiness is over rated to be sure, which is why we are always sad...cause of the commercials saying we need this and need that.. nope.. can't be happy all of the time nor sad.. That is the key..I think to find the rythem... yours is spot on in this one! ~B