Girl In White

about a girl getting her spirit animal.

The wind was cold and rainy, it had been pouring since yesterday.  Even as I huddle around the base of a tree, with its thick limbs laden with branches full of leaves I feel the tiny pricks of wetness as they hit my long tangled black hair and rough animal skin dress with a rough sheep's wool cloak, soaked through and muddy.  I can’t remember how long I have been here....waiting for it to come.
            What food I had with me is gone now, I know I need to look for more but I’m scared that if I leave... I will miss my chance and forever be lost under the tree I now sit. Shaking myself I lean up off the rough bark and look around again. Still the same trees, the same animal sounds, the same persistent drizzle than torrent and back to a drizzle... sighing I stand and walk around the tree with my left hand trailing behind me. 
             A dew-berry bush catches my eye with its thick large black and red berry's. My stomach gives another complaint and rumble but I don't dare leave the tree, I continue walking around and around looking for any sign of anything.  I'm not sure how long I walked but I woke face down in a puddle of mud and the sky was still a dull gray so unhappy I wanted to cry for the once pure blue I knew it was shrouding. 
            Sitting up I slumped at the base of the rather large tree and stared straight ahead not really looking at anything and yet everything, listening to nothing but all.  It was there in that moment that I glimpsed it; it was then that I saw, felt, tasted, heard, and smelled what I had been waiting so long for... the white raven.
            Now it sat in front of me with its head to the side, as if I was a puzzle it was trying to put together.  It was like my body didn't need air anymore and refused to pull in a breath, I became light headed and finally my lunges forced in a breath and forced it out again.
            "You have waited a long time.  It pleases me you have yet to leave the tree..."  The voice sounded all around me and inside of me, it was surprisingly masculine and gentle but still firm.  I couldn't trust my voice I feel on my face in front of the raven still shocked.
            "None of that, rise.  You are my child now; I will claim you for my own."
            "What must I do?" the raven looked amused as only a raven could.
            "Nothing."  With that he hopped onto my leg and began pecking my face and neck. The pain from his pecks tearing, ripping at my flesh was almost unbearable but I knew I must stay still I have to bear it if I am to become part of the raven. 
            Finally the white raven pulled away, its beck and head spotted with my blood, the right side of my face and neck dripped warm blood.
            "Good, I claim you know as Raven, let your people know what you have become by wearing your markings proudly. You are one that will not be forgotten..." He spread his wings, his chest puffed out unreasonably large until he look like someone had pumped to much water into him and let out a pricing screech that blew me back against the tree and forced me to cover my ears as the world around me blackened till the only thing clear was the white raven; even that was beginning to blur till the cold grip of unconscious covered me in its all-consuming hold. 
             I woke to the warmth of a fire and hushed voices around me.  Slowly I sat up with an unfamiliar pulling on my face and neck, the wounds the white raven had bestowed on me.  Instinctively my hand flew to my face softly tracing the pecked patterns and the their new scabs. Tears of happiness blurred my vision as I took in my family and tribe all with tears in their eyes.  They helped me up and walked me to the fire were we all began to dance to my good fortune and my animal spirit.
             It still amazed me that I would become the next leader of my tribe.

 I am the next White Raven

Reviews

[Steven]

to be honest i liked it, but i feel like you tried to describe too much. for me it sort of hindered the story.

[smee]

thank you. where do you think i discribed to much? since i like discription its hard for me to see were i put to much at sometimes. if you could give me a few examples and why you think its to much that would help.