it is real

i will tie this noose 
and i will hang myself
hang myself by my words
and i will take these scissors
and cut these ropes down
 
they will remind me
when i tie them around my fingers,
they will remind me of you
and how much you taught me
 
just by being
just by being here
and then ceasing to exist
 
i know im my heart 
you never did part
 
but the smile you left behind
ive realized
was so hollow in side
 
and i think, 
‘what can i do
what should i have done’
when it is not about me
 
it only is
when you are gone
 
how vain must i truly be, 
to think i could have made a difference
that my ignorance 
was to blame 
 
i know in my heart 
you never did part
 
because the weight you left behind
is heavy 
it is real
 
and you will always be

Author's Note

dec 26th 2014