Who I am, What you are.

A Poem by smear

There's a strange feeling
-----comes to mind-
one that speaks loud and clear
but still subtle
It comes faster than a car about to crash
It maybe a lie
It maybe the fear

I want to run from this
to another place inside
something only i can provide

I act it out in my head
I make you reappear
I know exactly what you'll say by heart.
by heart...
but i never react the way I want myself to
by heart...
I keep forgetting my lines
I stutter...

Words and syllables...chopped up and skipped
Words and phrases...left without much meaning.

I feel somewhat ashamed
I feel like I'm to blame
for all your imperfections
all the cracks

-----I've unearthed everything that you've ever tried to hide
-----It's another day
-----Some other way
-----Something tries to keep me: so I am not to continue

I've unearthed everything that you've ever tried to hide
Another feeling
I know your lines by heart
I try to forget them
In hopes of remembering mine

But there's nothing I could ever hope to do or say to make you forget

Every
Single
Little
Thing
I
Have
Done
I...
I deserve this.

--All the confusion
----All the illusions
------maybe even the betrayal...
--all of it
------Maybe even the pain

I never did anything to you
-------All I did was love you
---------But I was obsessed

I never did anything to you
---All I did was worship you
-----------With respect I lost
---------------------For myself

I wish I could have a taped response
Something to play...
Over and over...
Just you make you realize
---y
---o
---u
Once felt the same way

But I lost all of it
Every once of affection
You poured into me

I hope soon you realize
What you've F*****G done to me

I put on an act that fools everyone
Except for myself
A mask I've tried to glue
I've tried to FIX all the cracks
Just like the ones you left
Just like the things you've made me realize...

I just want something i can
------------never
-------------have

I just want this dream to
-----------become
------------reality

No matter what I tell myself I'm
-----------------not
---------------alright

I take it too far sometimes
--------------just
-----------because
--------------I can