If I Die Tomorrow...

If I die tomorrow

What will you remember?

 

Your favorite song was

Where Is Love

I sang you to sleep

With all my love

 

Amazing Grace

Your brother knew

But you wanted me

To sing to you too

 

I stood in the hall

Between both rooms

And sang until I

Heard you snooze

 

I never raised

my hand to you

your nose on the wall

was all I could do

 

tell me now

when you think of me

do you remember how

you called me mommy

 

or do you only

sit and remember when

I didn’t give you

What you wanted then

 

Is it possible that

You might recall

The days that I

Gave you my all

 

Can you think back

To when I cried

With you when

Your chicken died

 

Henny Penny

Was her name

She called out

To you everyday

 

We dug a hole

And let you sing

to her with all you had

you gave it your everything

 

when you sit and

think of me

filled with anger

not with glee

 

I am the one

Who held you tight

When you didn’t

Feel just right

 

I stayed with you

Everyday

During your long

Hospital stay

 

I worked long hours

And didn’t know

If my love for you

Could always show

 

Apparently it

Wasn’t enough

I didn’t give you

The right stuff

 

I gave up everything

In my life

To ease your fear

And swallowed strife

 

Now, today

What you see

Is all I thought

About was me

 

 

I yelled at you

When you said

you were leaving

home instead

 

of waiting til

the time was right

to marry him

and left that night

 

fear is what filled me

to my core

money, yes, but

so much more

 

I’ve lost you now

And you’ve stayed away

But there is one more

Thing I want to say

 

You may never

Speak to me again

And hate me because

Of way back when

 

Or sooner than that

Just recently

I’ve never been

What you want me to be

 

Two new moms you

Have used to replace

Me in your life

Filling space

 

You’ll never know

The pain it’s caused

To see them there

So now I’ve paused

 

To remember the child

I gave birth to

No one will or can

Replace you

 

I know you don’t

Care how I feel

Two other women

Are there to steal

 

The moments that

Belong to me

I’m out of your life

And now you’re free

 

I gave you

everything in me

a horrible mom

is all you see

 

If tomorrow

I should die

Will you laugh

or will you cry

 

your hatred

of me just grows

I’m not the only

One that knows

 

All I ask

 of you now

Is one day you

remember how

 

much I love you.

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Creepy Swine Guy]

If this is autobiographical, my heart tears for you. You may never know that you were loved by your daughter but take peace in the knowlege that children almost ALWAYS come around.

But until that time ... I'm sure you probably saw this on my page ... but ... take heart in this wisdom ...

"He who learns must suffer, even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."
--- Aeschylus ---

[BrightEyes]

I really want to reach across the miles and give you a hug here. As a mother who had a few teenage years like this with my daughter, I know how much that hurts. You love them so, even when they hurt you, that love prevails. Those hurtful things they can do and say cut worse than any knife - driving so deep into the heart and soul. You've got the right attitude here though - keep on loving her - praying for her - hopefully, she will grow up enough one day and look back and realize all she left behind her and how great your love for her was and still is. My wish for you - is just that she can wake up enough to at least let you back into her life - for I know that would be enough for now - and that you would have enough love for her to carry that forward and mend all the pain of the past. Best wishes for you!

*hugs*

[Michael Kerr]

wow,
how could your child do this. you gave everthing and this is what you get that is wrong in my opinion.
this must sear your heart with hurt and pain. i hope your child will make things right. for if your child does not she will live in regret and will suffer from this and no matter what there will be no escaping this.
i wish you the best of luck.

-mike kerr-

[R J Askew]

Strong meat. Sustained. The poem takes us through two linked, yet separate lives like a mini drama. We wonder how we would be in such circumstances and it prompts us to examine our own relationships. Have we always done the right thing? What will people remember of us?

[Ladysue]

wow, this is just very heartbreaking. I can feel the hurt and pain. parenting doesn't come with a handbook and we all do the best we can as parents. That is all we can do. Rain, has a good point when our children grow older and then have kids of there own, that is when they see and appreciate their parents. This was a very emotional write, but as one reviewer said, children do come around. Great piece.

[Rain]

Wow,
I've always told my wife that parents shouldn't judge what kind of parents they've been, until their children are in their mid 30's. I can really feel the hurt in this piece. I was raised by a step-mother, and hated her so much, but as I got older...with kids of my own, and seen how hard it is to be a good parent, to always know the right thing to do, I forgave her, and asked that she forgive me. When she died we were very close. This is a great piece. Rain..

[Laura E. Aranda]

WOW
My heart hurts just by reading this....very intense stuff
I really don't know how to express the sorrow I feel...just WOW
Cheers,lea

[Ken Simm.]

I cannot find the words to express what I feel about this. This is simply beyond me. Brave is all I can think to say. Brave and so full of love. Incredible, stunning and full of love.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Gosh Suzi not sure what to say after reading this gut wrenching piece... you certainly poured your heart out and vented your pain yet still expressed your love in spite of what is happening... I sure hope you two find your peace for family is everything.