Friends...Where do they go?

A RANT OF THE GREATEST PROPORTIONS...

I received a bulletin from a friend of mine today regarding National Autism Day and in that bulletin was a link to a lovely and very sad video.  Contained within the video was a question "where did my friends go?".
 

It got me to thinking about a situation that I am going through myself.

It is no secret that I have bipolar disorder.  Doing the very best that I can to help myself and others maintain their humanity, I do what I can to both keep myself healthy, holding on to hope while also passing those "secrets" on to others.  I recently had a rather severe episode that caused me to stumble in every part of my life.  At first, it was thought that it was an anomaly having no trigger or reference to a cause.  Upon further examination, however, the cause became clear.

My husband (of ten years) and I have been separated for almost one year.  During the last three weeks, we decided that we were going to work on the marriage as we both agreed we love each other very much.   Believing this to be the case, we began rebuilding our relationship.  During the course of these last three weeks, information has been brought to my attention from two distant sources.  Before I get to that however, I believe a little history must be revealed.  When my husband and I first got together his only sister, in a drunken stupor, came to me and told me she hated my guts.  Over the years, as we made our peace with each other, she admited to me that she was jealous of me because she had never had a man who loved her like my husband loved me.  She didn’t like that I didn’t drink, do drugs, and had an unfailing faith in God.   This conversation took place just after she got out of jail for a DUI and drug possession charges.  
 

There came a time when she and I were able to laugh at it and we became friends.   She even did a fourteen page report for school on bipolar disorder claiming that she wanted to know more about the disorder that plagued her brother’s wife.  Years earlier, I had a major depressive episode suffering from psychosis and tried to take my own life.  That only added fuel to the fire as far as she was concerned as it traumatized her brother.
 

No thought was ever given to how it may have traumatized me as well.
 

As the years went by we began spending time together independant of my husband, and we talked about secrets, frustrations, and things that men do that drive us crazy.  I was able to bring her onboard to the company that I was working for, I did her homework at times because she was so busy, and I was instrumental in her not killing her boyfriend when she found out he cheated on her.  I did these things gladly because I loved her.  I did these sorts of things for all of his family.  Anyone that was in need, that I could provide help to, I did, because they were the family members of the man that I loved.
 

There was a time when my husband and I took very good care of each other, and we each had moments of trauma and stress that we helped each other through.  Thankfully, they were rarely at the same time.
 

There were things that took place between my husband and I last year that caused me to believe I had to leave the home for the sake of my children’s safety.  I did not handle the situation as well as I could have, but we all know that hind sight is indeed 20/20.  My husband and I found it in each other to forgive each others wrong doings and decided to start fresh.  This was about three weeks ago.
 

Last week, my father-in-law, who moved into the home to help my husband, spoke to me for the first time in a very long time.  My husband’s birthday took place during this time, and the things that transpired were nothing short of evil.
 

My husband’s best friend hid his cell phone that I bought him for his birthday (that my husband and I had already made plans for), his sister brought another woman to the house to try to lure him away from me and then his sister sent text messages to my husband’s phone from her friend’s phone lending way to a conjured affair between this woman and my husband.  This done by the woman that professed to love me as her own sister.  These text messages made way for a very explosive evening between my husband and I, and I found out later, that those text messages were planted by his sister to put a wedge between my husband and I.
 

A few days later, once the smoke cleared, my father-in-law decided to break the silence between he and I, and told me what was going on with his daughter.   During the course of the year that we have been separated, his sister told everyone in the family that I tried to have my husband arrested for molesting my daughter, stole thousands of dollars out of his bank account leaving him destitute and was having an affair with another man before he and I separated.  She then proceeded to convince my husband that I had contrived all of this and told her in detail how I was going to execute it.
 

The truth of the matter is that my husband threatened both of my teenagers with bodily harm for breaking the rules and it somehow got back to my ex-husband whose attorney threatened to take my daughter away from me had I not gotten her out of the volatile situation immediately.  I complied.  I left that day and we went to my hometown in San Diego to stay with my brother. Not before I paid all of the bills, stocked the refrigerator, and left a note stating I would return in a few days.   Before I was even within the city limits, my husband had emptied our joint bank account, and reported my car stolen.  We worked all of these animosities out toward each other, and we made peace with the fact that we both handled the situation badly.
 

Now the question I posed is this?  Friends...where did they go?  How is it that a woman who professed to love me, and stated that she understood the frustrations I had with a drinking husband suddenly at the first possible opportunity manage to turn me into such an evil monster?  How is it that she or any one in his family could even conceive that I would be capable of accusing him of molesting my child?  WHY WOULD I BE WORKING THIINGS OUT WITH HIM IF I THOUGHT HE MOLESTED HER?  Why would I have left him for dead and then come back to "finish the job?"  
 

Because of this situation, I was homeless for two months with my daughter, yet even during those two months, I helped my husband pay his bills, I cleaned his house, washed his clothes, cleaned the storage area and backyard so that he would not have to do so.  (My daughter was with friends when I was over at the house).
 

I am far from perfect.  I do have faults, and even worse, I do have bipolar disorder.  These things I have to live with everyday.  However, not even in my most symptomatic state, am I capable of going against my morals or values.  I sent her a text message stating that I loved her and that I sent her an e-mail (explaining the situation at hand).  She proceeded to show my husband and his father that text message and denied receiving the e-mail claiming that I had erroneously sent it to her and that it was meant for the man that I was allegedly having an affair with.  I, in hopes of honoring our friendship, wanted her to know that although I know I handled the situation badly, loved her dearly, and had she been in the same position would have done whatever necessary to protect her child as well.
 

Upon hearing that all of these rumors had been spread among my husband’s family and friends, I was not only hurt, I became symptomatic.  I couldn’t believe that my husband would listen to such things, and then turn around and say that I STOLE ALL HIS MONEY!  I experienced a psychotic break from the stress of it all, and yet, even in the midst of all that, managed to stay out of the hospital, keep the house spotless, have dinner ready every day and managed to keep all of the laundry clean and folded.  HEAVILY MEDICATED!  It took every ounce of my being to be able to do so.

| made reference to two sources.  The second was my husband's best friend's girlfriend.  She works out with Mariana.  I hadn't talked to her in months, as we all used to hang out together.  She was very short with me and upon further conversation I heard from her the EXACT same story that I heard from my father-in-law and the two don't even know each other.  However, again, the common link is my sister-in-law.

 

Friends...where do they go?  How is it that Mariana could profess to be my friend and yet want so badly to drive a wedge between my husband and myself by being so evil?
 

Is this just human nature?  Has anyone else out there experienced such horrific things from their in-laws?  Am I over-reacting?  
 

I have no idea how to handle this situation.  It caused such stress between my husband and I that he started drinking again not knowing what to believe, and me, not able to handle the drunken behavior, having to again move out.
 

Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated!

Reviews

[Tania Leigh]

Your sister-in-law befriended you and took all you had to offer her, but all the while was like a snake in the grass, waiting for an opportunity to mess up your life. People can do this because they are selfish and miserable, and they don't want to see anyone else happy. They hide behind the guise of "oh, I was just protecting so-and-so".

But now the antics of these poisonous people have come to light, and you and your husband can work on healing.....I wish you the best of luck with everything. You are a wonderful person and very much deserve to be happy.

[Yvonne Heidt]

"I recently had a rather severe episode that caused me to stumble in every part of my life. At first, it was thought that it was an anomaly having no trigger or reference to a cause..."

Actually, I have been in this situation. Nothing can stab deeper than knowing that the person you love is actually LISTENING to someone else's LIES. NOTHING. As a matter of fact - it's almost identical to the lies presented by your sister-in-law. It's been 4 years now since all the hurt - and I can still feel as if it's yesterday. I am more protective of myself now and keep things on the surface with them (my significant other and I have since worked things out) But the malicious garbage that they strew about lingers and echoes.

Having bi-polar myself - I understand that process, also. Then they call us crazy....

I don't know why people can be so hateful. God bless you and I hope that things turn out the way that YOU need for them to be.

[TamiViolet]

Susi, quite the situation, especially when the others aren't sorry, and more importantly,
willing to 'change their behavior'... If you and your husband really love each other and
want to be together, I'd focus on that. As for the others, I think it's probably best to
tolerate them for your husband's sake but maintain distance while understanding that
they are a destructive force. My hope for you is that the road on which you are
traveling leads ultimately to happiness. Life is so short...
X

[Ken Simm.]

It is impossible to overeact for some one in your position. You have an illness that takes away on occasion the ability to react never mind overeact. And the wish to be proactive is very difficult. Admittedly we do have a tendancy towards the paranoid and that is a symptom of our disease but others will attempt to play on that for their own benefit as to or according to their own character faults. There is a failing in all of us that allows us to bully others we deem weaker or less able to cope and this is obviously what has happened here. It is a kind of inverse preujudice whereby on the surface we congratulate ourselves for being helpful when in fact deep down we really are repulsed by anothers apparent weakness. We do not see as you know bipolar disorder as a disease we see it as a sociological evil pathology. This allows us to hate sufferers because deep down we say, "There but for the grace of God, go I".