Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I walk barefooted into the kitchen, trying not to cringe  at the frigid cold of the floor. I rub my eyes and see my roommate, Kerri, smiling brightly as ever- cooking some eggs on our less than functional stove. 

“How’d you get it to start?” I try to keep the grogginess from slurring my words, but find myself failing terribly. 

“ Turns out if you hit it enough and throw a match in the oven it sorta lights.” She gives me a crooked smile and rubs some singed arm hair off her shirt. I try to ignore the pile of burned newspaper in one of the kitchen corners and focus on what Kerri is cooking. 

“Well judging by the smell it hasn’t gone completely terrible.” I steal a piece of bacon from the plate beside the stove, and crumble it into my mouth. Kerri gives me her perfect smile, and tosses her hair.

“I can’t believe you don’t have more faith in me.” She giggles recalling the last time she cooked. “At least this time i didn’t burn your boyfriend’s shirt.” I give her a look and she clears her throat. “Ahem- sorry EX- boyfriend.” I smile and disappear in my room to get ready for my job as an journalist. I twirl my hair into a ponytail and complete my outfit by stepping into a pair of Kerri’s heels. “Your gonna kill it today, Avery,” She smiles, “I know  you’re gonna get that promotion,” I shrug though on the inside i’m leaping with nervousness. 

“I hope so,” I pull my car keys from my purse, and press the button to the elevator.

- - -

The elevator inches its ways down to the fourth floor where it stops to let in a very attractive man. He nods my way- no doubt undressing me with his eyes. I give him a curt nod in return and watch the doors close. The elevator slowly creeps its way to the next floor when it begins to plummet. I shriek pressing up against the back wall in panic.  The elevator stops with a thud. and i crumple to the ground. Then it rises again, much faster than before. We hang for half a second in the air, though it feels like a hour, when we begin to free fall again. Sweat beads at my hair line and i feel panic set in. I’m going to die! I scream again, praying to one of the deities that i had lost hope on long ago that i would live. With the momentum of the elevator i feel myself being lifted off the floor. I look at my feet, and yelp- grabbing onto the nearby railing. I watch the number of floors go down and down when suddenly- the elevator stops. I yelp and look at the man who entered the elevator not a moment before we started to fall. He just stands there and acts as if nothing has happened. 

“W-w-we’re going to die,” I whimper climbing to my feet and tugging down the hem of my skirt.

“Ok,” The man shrugs, “You’ll die,” He looks at me with an odd curiosity. “What beautiful eyes you have,” He looks at my eyes which are light gold, i look into his and realize so are his.

“Who are you?” I manage to choke out as we begin to plummet again.

“Take my hand if you please, I need you alive,” I edge my way off of the hand hold and into his arms. I didn’t have time to think about questioning him, i just did what he said. I watch with terror as blue light pulsates from his hands and surrounds us in a bluish orb. I feel his grip tighten around me, as the world begins to grow hazy. I hear a faint voice, but the dark silence comes before i can make out what the voice is saying.

Author's Note

HI guys :) I'm just beginning this novel and would really like your opinion on it. Please give any and all feedback, i would really like to have it so i can have a good foundation for my story. Thank you all.

Reviews

[Craig2591]

"I know your gonna get that promotion", should be "you're".

"Then it rises again, much faster than before, and we free fall" is very confusing to me. Is the elevator going up or down? And if an elevator is falling, you will not be forced to the floor, you would more likely float.

I did like the vague statement about burning the boyfriend's shirt. Funny!

You're playing on many people's fear of dying in a falling elevator. Good.

I'm going to be honest and tell you that it's too early in the story to tell if I like it. It's not off to a bad start, though. Keep going with it.

[Sam]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the feed back.

[Racy Daniel]

Hi dear friend,
How sweetly and you have written your writing it's really great. Continue writing don't stop. Carry on. All the best.
--------------------- # @ RACY DANIEL

[Sam]

Thank you!

[Racy Daniel]

Most welcome for always.

[M.E.Lyle]

I must confess, I read Craig's review before writing my own, but I have to agree with everything he says. You are off to an interesting start though, it just needs a little cleaning up. Take that from the messiest writer around.
Oh, and you probably could break up some of your thoughts into separate paragraphs. I say this because it's the very same problem I have.
Keep going and don't get discouraged.

[Sam]

Thank you so much for your review

[Wolfwind]

I love this first chapter! The falling elevator and the strange man with powers is perfect for a powerful entry into what ever may come next. I like the way your main character thinks to herself, it makes it more real and more believable. Nice start!

Aaron

[Sam]

Thank you so much! That really means a lot.