Optimistic Depression

 

Maybe he's right.

 

But I'm not wrong, either.

 

I should write a book of a variety of not-so-good-situations and then have an excuse to get out of each one. Possible title: "How to Climb Out the Pile Of S**t You've Created". My thinking never goes beyond reasoning, and I am rarely impulsive. Why am I in this situation then....? I really hate living like this. I have so many plans for myself, when I really think about em I start to feel inspired and get out there and do what I need to do.....but when it comes down to it, all that motivation suddenly disappears. What the hell.

 

But ever since he came into my life, ambition has been building, slowly but surely. He is certainly more strong-minded than I am, and he's the first person ever to brush off my reasons for why I am the way I am. "Stop making excuses."

 

Ah, I know I should but where will all my justification go? I'll just feel like a piece of s**t.

(I am not worthless.....I am NOT worthless.)

 

There are so many things that need to be done........even just making a mental list gives me anxiety. I have no f*****g clue where all of this insecurity came from....oh wait, nevermind. I almost forgot. Ha. But damn it, I cannot be a hermit no longer. I'm sick of staying up at night, letting poisonous thoughts rot my mind and all sense of hope so the next day I'm left feeling empty and without purpose.

 

October 6th, 2008, 2:04 p.m........a new start, another chance to get my life in check? Or the continuation of its steady decline.........?

Reviews

[Lynx]

Wow, pretty strong writing there. I get exactly what you mean, most times I feel the same way too. Like I'm depressed but I know I should pull myself up because it was just getting too silly. This is described in a very nice way, coolness, xD. Thanks for sharing, Lingga.