Orange Juice and Pink Lemonade

A poem I wrote some years ago and probably my first exploration into writing poetry. Inspired by some feelings I had at the time that I couldn't express to the people I wanted to.

I find it difficult,
To paint the feelings no colours can capture.

When I see her,
It hurts. A deep pain in my bones.
No longer do I feel so sure,
My whole mind sings but my whole heart groans.

I didn't used to feel this way,
She made me hopeful.
Until the day the rays went away,
My being was frozen, sang into a lull.

I would never tell her my truth,
I think she made a mistake.
How could I be a biased judge,
With such a large part at stake.

She doesn't know how I feel,
My heart is heavy.
Laden down with unspoken thoughts,
I never seemed fully ready.

I realize now my emotional error,
Life has no backspace.
If only I had typed a little bit faster,
I wouldn't have such an empty blank space.

Of course I could wait,
Hope for the day I got my chance.
But what sort of life is that,
A horribly lonely one person slow dance.

My patience is not infinite,
That I know for sure.
But how long is too long,
To make rich, a heart so poor.

She will not complete me,
I'm not deluded.
No one is born missing a half,
Myself included.

The heart wants what the heart wants,
We've heard the saying.
But few feel the sting of barbs,
Dug too deep to prevent the soul itself from swaying.

There is no canvas large enough,
For the art she inspires on my mind.
My muse is pain and beauty,
Tangled up, strangling, all in a bind.

The frame on which I hang my canvas,
Is all but nearly fractured.

And so I find it difficult,
To paint the feelings no colours can capture..