Problems in Snow

what I call a one-pager. one page of written text, i do what I want, what i can, what's on my mine. call it a writing style practice/experimentation.

 

Oh well. Who am I kidding? We’ll be alright. Right? Won’t we?

 

I shivered, pulled my jacket closer to my sides. I watched her move hesitantly away from me to pace back and forth across the yard. God, she was beautiful. If I have ever been sure of anything, I was sure that I loved that girl. And now it could all fall apart.

 

Please? Tell me?

 

I don’t know! She said anxiously. The tears were manifest in her voice even if it was too dark and I too far away to see them on her face.

 

What? What don’t you know?

 

About us!

 

I was afraid, shivering from more than the chill. What…what about us?

 

Just…will we be able to make it?

 

My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. Make it? Of course! I wanted to stride over to her and wrap her in my arms in assurance, but I was afraid that would push her off of her precarious precipice. Do you want to make it?

 

More…more than anything. That was enough of an answer. I strode up behind her. Hearing my steps on the gravel, she stopped and turned into the hug I engulfed her with. I was so relieved when she returned the embrace that I started crying; I couldn’t help it. I leaned down a little to kiss her.

 

I could never stand losing you, she said after our lips parted.

 

Oh, God, me neither. I crushed her tighter.

 

As we stood there, something wet landed on my nose. It wasn’t a tear; it was cold.

 

Bugger, it’s snow! We giggled like school girls as our nervous tension released. As the small white flakes fell delicately to the ground around us, we shared another kiss, deeper and more tender.

 

(this is the end because when I do a page long I always stop at the end of the page no matter wot)

Author's Note

stylistic input moreso than story.

Reviews

[Britt Foster]

I like your style, and I think that this is a very well-written and beautiful piece. It really allows the reader to connect with the main character and her emotions. The only suggestion I have in ways to improve this would be to perhaps use quotation marks to distinguish the speech. It's hard to tell when the character is speaking and impossible to differentiate between thought and speech without the quotation marks being present. But in all, I really do like this and think it's a cute story as well as being written in a very nice style.