First Love.

My first love developed a gambling problem, he thought he was going to work out a formula to win on the horses every time. It destroyed us.

You look like a polaroid thats been left out in the sun.

Faded, and distant in my mind.

You tasted like strong liquor and cigars,

and I, like menthols and red wine.

We would get drunk off each others lips.

But now,

you're just a bad hangover,

and I’ve quit smoking.

You were going to do so much,

We shared our aspirations,

and created new dreams.

You stood at the top of a mountain.

I watched it crumble beneath your feet.

I thought you had all the answers,

So did you.

"Just one more bet, I’ll win this time”,

and you did.

I watched you trying to climb back up,

I cheered you on,

I even bought you trainers.

But darling, you would never get there.

Tattooed the mountain top on your flesh,

then you stopped climbing.

You used to get so mad,

and I was always so forgiving,

until one day, I wasn’t.

You said this wasn’t forever,

That it didn’t matter how many years,

lovers,

and stories we created,

“Just you wait, my love. We will drink again”.

You still drink whisky and smoke cigars,

but now, I drink tequila and get high,

You still chase that dream,

Keep telling yourself you're almost there.

But darling, answer me this, 

how can you reach the top of a mountain we watched fall years ago?

Author's Note

I will be grateful for any feedback, please.

Reviews

[Daniel Thomas Andrew Da..]

A really very realistic portrayal of the reality of the living experience for so many people of the world. Dreamers. He's a dreamer. He's going to win the world for his love, but the likely reality is that he is on Centrelink, lives in a govvie flat, has an assortment of drug dealers he goes to, and doesn't give a s**t about anything apart from his footie team and if the Aussies are winning at the cricket. That's if he was an Australia. Great poem, loved reading it, and it was well written. Very real, very true and a great read. Well done. Daniel.

[rach]

You got it, thanks for the feedback.

[Little2Long]

Hi, I normally read but refrain from comment. I’m told it’s a custom to return a review. This’s my first one. I don’t know if this poem is fictional or personal. So, apology in advance, if any. :)

To me this is a pretty heavyhearted piece. The protagonist started off saying that she longer felt anything for her first love. An old faded picture that was now beyond any recognition. Then she went on recalling practically everything about him. His scent, his taste, his style, and even his addiction. The immense anger she projected when he betrayed her devotion to a dream/vision they shared certainly left a shard underneath her healed wound. Her strong emotional tie that once labeled as “love” had been reshuffled to something else now in her mind. It was anything but gone, perhaps, somewhat subsided over time. And she may not even know it or willing to admit it. The last bit about moving onto “tequila and get[ting] high” from “menthols and red wine” suggested that she may be spiraling down to a worser place than he was as a result... Although I hope that wasn’t the case... Albeit, the impact had really changed her inside and out.

Cheers!

[rach]

The poem is personal, I try to write from experience.
I really appreciate you taking time to give me some feedback, Im still really new at this and am always grateful.

[Brittany]

really good love it

[rach]

Thank you.

[Brittany]

welcome girly

[Baby Ricochet]

I've never so much as bought a lottery ticket so I don 't understand gambling. My X wife and I had a lot of big dreams too. Me being deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq and her being bulimic and crazy wasn't part of those dreams but that's what happened. My current girl friend isn't bulimic and is only slightly crazy. So far as I'm concerned that's a huge improvement so far as day to day sanity goes. I've been a civilian, and coping with being a civilian since 08 so when she and I get married, things should turn out better. Maybe relationships get easier with practice. We can only hope, right?

[s y e]

// You were going to do so much,
We shared our aspirations,
and created new dreams.
You stood at the top of a mountain.
I watched it crumble beneath your feet. //

It's hard watching the one you love gamble or drink or waste his life, especially when you're so deeply in love with him and he means the world - first love makes it all the more hurtful too, I think. The stanza I quoted is my favourite, this is fantastic.

[The Twin Arenas]

Ah, ouch. Poor fella. Being lost in the dream is an awful thing. Currently, I'm this guy.

The second stanza is rad.

Nice one. Keep writing.

[Jane E. Ries]

Hello! Wow, I can relate to this. The only feedback I can see is that the lines: "You look like a polaroid thats been left out in the sun. Faded, and distant in my mind" could be elaborated on with a few more lines. "You tasted like strong liquor and cigars" -- could easily be a great beginning too.

[Hitchhiker]

Okay! Absolute fine writing in my opinion, and since I am writing this review, mine is the only opinion that counts. What looped me into your message was the fact that this was not a screaming, in-your-face break-up kind of a poem. You very carefully explained and laid out the history between you and your lover in a detailed, groovy (Uh huh, still say groovy) way. You were in control of your emotions even though there had be still be sadness about what had happened. I caught myself nodding my head a few times as your descriptive passages just floored me. Great poetry!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this poem is quite absorbing...from the title i expected something not as complex...

love the part about getting drunk off each other's lips...

great imagery in this...it's very very real.

[Cerebriation]

I absolutely love the symbolism and imagery that you used here. Such truth is spoken. I like your style!

[rach]

Thank you, Im glad you enjoyed it.