Fall

this is about an angel falling off the empire state building trying to kill herself, but she can't die. Randomly came up with it.

Standing on the edge
so close now, so high up
all I have to do now
is take a step
I might just meet my end

I turn around
my back to the sky
I open my arms wide
I inch backwards slowly
then I stop

I take a breath
hopefully, my last breath
 I that will ever take
I take a step
and then fall

I sail through the air
wind rushing by
I can hear screams far below
 looking up to see me falling
from the building so high

It feels like I was flying
except my wings
are not out this time
I hope that this works
Maybe I will die this time

I must be close
to the ground now
my end must be near
so I close my eyes
and await death openly

I feel the impact
My body hit the ground
but I still feel
not hurt at all
curse my being immortal

Author's Note

Okay, what do you think of this? I don't know If I like this or not. Please review and let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Mizuki Tsukiakari]

You really went into detail describing the angels fall. The begining of the final verse led me to believe the angel was dead, but just a few lines later you realize the angel is alive. I really liked this. The end to this was sudden, but it fit perfectly with the rest of the piece. Good job! ;p

[Caradoc]

This is very powerful. It casts an interesting light on a few subjects. How hard must it be to live forever, to watch all those you care for age and turn to dust? Is it really paradise in Heaven? If angels were real, do they grow weary of their eternal duties?

You have a very unique mind.

And so I will say, I like this poem greatly. It has great subject matter and good word choice. Props for making it first person POV as well.

-Caradoc

[Kayliee]

I felt, honestly, quite frightened. Though you have not said so in the text, you made it clear that this person has been through many hard times, and they feel that they can no longer take it. You have also noted that they have tried suicidal before. Never in my life have I tried to write something so deep. Not only that, but kept everything so vivid. That is what scarred me: the thought of going to through so much pain that I would want to hurl myself off a building--more than once.
I thought that this was well planned out, though it may have been random xP. Great job. :)

[Archia]

Quite a smart idea here, an angel trying to escape immortality. I like how it was done in first person, so it went into the angel's thoughts and emotions as well as her actions. "curse my being immortal" So nicely sums it all up.

[Aeternal Oceanfire]

Interesting and unexpected failed suicide.

[MandaBear]

very interesting poem.

[Sophie]

hmmm... bot my favorite but still great!

[luna11]

Wow. The ending was unexpected.
I like this poem. It flows nicely, the rhythm is good. Well written.
Xx

[Angelic Surrender]

This is very interesting. I like it