Stood Up

hate it when this happens

All dressed up and nowhere to go

Sitting at a bus stop

In the pouring rain

Pigeon toed

Knock knees

Shivering

For the life of me, why didn’t I bring a coat?

There weren’t any other sounds but the rain

Drumming its monotonous beat on the shelter roof

An occasional car passed

My hopes raised for a moment

Brushing the wet hair off my forehead

In an attempt to look vaguely human

But the headlights flickered and were gone

And there weren’t any other sounds again

But the rain drumming it monotonous beat on the shelter roof

And me, sat there all dressed up and nowhere to go…

Reviews

[E.H. Monroe]

heartbreaking, but more real than not when dealing with the monsters that make up the male population. I like how you add in things eemingly seen as flaws "knock kneed, pigeon toed, soaked"...from the rain of course

Another hitter. You keep it short, sweet and as raw as a cheese grater

[bluessadmood]

yes it happens a lot ,lots of rain drenching me
all i hear its beat ,and i wait..all ached
i see a glimmering light and hope though i knew it was not for me
still i wait ,i know got to go somewhere..only this messy rain keeps hammering me
like telling some else i never see ,like a premonition,keeps coming and going
whats me being here and what here for ..and why i stay..why even leave
how i loved your words ,how could they tell way beyond what meant
lovely write..

[H0P3L3$$ !N$@N!TY(Luna)]

I agree with incwrite, it is very descriptive, and i bet you will make more great poem's and stuff, keep writeing!
-Luna-

[incwrite]

very descriptive. love how it flowed..I was right there shivering...

[Lupo]

Good use of framing, bringing it back to where it started. I enjoy your use of quick descriptions: short, sweet, and to the point.

[Moflo]

Incredible descriptions. I was really lost in the moment you were describing. I love the way you ended it with the sound of the rain. This was a great piece.

[D S Rollins]

I like this. And seeing you're fellow Londoner, I can empathise with the rain...