Sky Blue Sheets

Really one of my favorites.

sky blue sheets

here's the part where you lie to me.
here is the part where you lie.
effortless as i rake my fingers across you shoulder blades.
and i feel the bones connecting. 
here is the part where you lie.
and you say you love me.
(that's not the lie)
and i keep tracing circles on your shoulder
and you lie in the same circle and 
you lie.
as we lay, as we lie in bed.
as i feel your your skin under my fingers.
and you lie to me.
and i don't want to hear the truth.
and you don't want to tell the truth
so we lie and we lay 
in the bed that wraps around our feet and the truth
tangles between our intertwined legs and 
the truth creeps up our thighs and the 
truth tickles our bellies
and we lay
and the lie dances and 
the truth, that willful truth thrusts 
and we lie like lovers do.
and we lie like lovers will.
and we lay
and we lay intertwined like ivy on the old brick wall.
and the truth, it hurts.
and we lay. and we lay.
and the lie it bleeds through us
and we lay. 

sahn 5/24/14

Reviews

[Wórdsmíth]

Very true ... some realistic pictures of this world are shown in your poem.

I think, your this line ... "effortless as i rake my fingers across you shoulder blades" .. should be written as .. "effortless as i rake my fingers across your shoulder blades" .. That`s all what I think.

I like the concept, the repetition of "Lie" and "Lay" .. sounds crazy awesome. It burns the interest in flames of love ... beautiful poem.

[ChemicalMadness]

i like the repetition and the seduction here....repetition can be tricky....you can lose us with devices....but these? these seemed at home....served up what needed to be said and framed the heart of your piece...

again, i really enjoyed....

CM.

[Justin]

that was a really good poem, it was set up really cool :)

[John Anderson]

There is much to praise about your poem. Amazing work!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like how you made such good use of connotation in this poem with the word "lie"

and how many different meanings it has all at once.

like sheryl crow sang.."lie to me, i promise i'll believe you"

i really like your poetry...only one suggestion as with this poem...i would leave out the description...and let your readers identify to your words in their own way...leaves it more open for interpretation..

but very good writing, glad that Tim (relic) suggested i look you up.

[Shannon April Alice]

wow, i am honored at that. i love that you give me suggestions, it's what i am looking for. i agree, upon reflection i think i should (and will) edit that out. Do you know the poem "one art" ? well i love that poem so much. i think i was afraid that the cleverness would hide the sentiment of it...and well, being a pushy writer...lol...i wanted it clear. thanks jacob, very much.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

Wow nice work.


BTW I am a hopeless romantic so I
fee I love with this piece.

I love the Reputation and repeated words
in the sentences.



I think you Meant a capital I
and I believe you meant across your Shoulder blades

And some of your I's maybe need to be Capitalized and
Begging of Sentences you need to capitalize the Letters.

effortless as I rake my fingers across you shoulder blades.




I loved these Stanza's lines.

here is the part where you lie.
and you say you love me.
(that's not the lie)
and i keep tracing circles on your shoulder
and you lie in the same circle


But all in all this was truly an amazing piece.


Thank you for sharing this amazing piece.


Blessings. kindred poet

[Shannon April Alice]

thank you thank you kindred spirit!! exactly what I've been needing, someone to clean up my act as it were ;) Yes, indeed you are right and i will make those changes, post haste. thanks again, S~

[Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet]

you're very welcome. it's my pleasure always. blessings. kindred poet

[00000000000000000000000..]

Another wow!!! My gosh what a writer you are! Gezzzzzz wow is all I can say right now:)

[Shannon April Alice]

*blush* thank you, i am honored.

[0000000000000000000000000000]

Better get use to blushing lol because your by far awesome:) your very welcome:)