Tranquil Rain

Gray skies

Don’t know why

Rain places

Sad faces

On the masses

I relax

To the sound

Falling down

From above

Fall in love

With the ability

To see tranquility

In the mist

With a kiss

From the rain

Don’t complain

Just embrace

We’ll find a place

Us together

Nothing better

Gray skies

Don’t know why

Rain places

Sad faces

 

 

 

Reviews

[allie_arrowz]

i like the fast pace, but i think your rhyme scheme was too...easy or something.
like "skies" and "why" is just so obvious. it made it less interesting.
a nice poem nonetheless.

[afra]

good job ...amazing

[Alrick]

I like the formatting again, this time though for different reasons. I like the lack of punctuation that connects the whole poem together, making all parts and all lines of it equal, none standing out above the rest. I think this is a great piece and i am constantly in awe by all of your writings and how great they are to read! The way your mind works it perfect for writing! the step by step style keeps a flowing, connected stream of words pouring down this cascade of white screen, though the cascade in this case is the flowing beauty of your writing

[Mazie Tackett]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like it

[Harley (arbiter)]

O_O Uh no offense but don't ya think that's a little much? I mean you used one too many G's lol

[Mazie Tackett]

ya i know i was bored

[Harley (arbiter)]

Well it was just one too many. It's OK. Jordan, man, Keep on keeping on!

[Mazie Tackett]

lol lollollollollollollollollollollollollollollollolollollollollollollollollollollollol

[Rhea752]

i liked it. nice way of expressing the emotion.

[Marissa]

awesome way of writing I like it

[w]

short lines can be good, but you have to know how to use them. they are great for a fast paced piece but this feels like it is supposed to flow softly and for that the short lines and no punctuation do not work.

[Harley (arbiter)]

That's cool dude. I love you're style still to this frigging day! Keep on keeping on lol

[Laura Maidah]

Kisses in the rain are always awkward. In life, and sometimes in poetry. This is no exception. It's the outline to the real poem IMHO. it's just not saying too much. It's peaceful pretty kissing in a sap crowd. Give it a sensory detail and some figurative language perchance? Sorry man.