Permission to Accompany

There she stood...5-foot-Mystery at the corner of “Orderly” & “Chaos”.

Her trench coat veiled her being and clung itself to her, unafraid to proclaim its halcyon state.

A belt cinched her waist to keep her celestial feet on the ground, and to hold her place on THIS planet.

Thank God.

Beady buttons intertwined with the chords of steely fabric all the way up to a face that fancied the purest Ivory, yet contrarily etched with the paints of uncertainty and inveigling provocation.

Flaming hair fluttered with every passing breeze, resting contemptuously like a crown beneath her shadow casting umbrella, glowing hot with the tidings of restraint and cynicism that had been so unfairly endowed to her by the Gods of Hopeless Romanticism and Heartbreak.

The heavy sky then released its sweet libations in hopes to ease the scorn and to lotion her incendiary shield with the soothing fabrics of trust and adoration.

As this barrage of medicinal missiles plummeted from the sky pelting her shield, a cloud of steam arose that reduced her to nothing more than a silhouette to my knavish eyes.

Compelled with an unbeknownst urge I fled the confines of my solitary fortress and crossed the street of ubiquitous fear and doubt.

My outstretched hand pierced the steam, grabbing her wrist to extract this commodity before she dissipated with the fog that engulfed her.

With her shield firm in hand and kaleidoscope eyes twisting and shining with the most entrapping fervor and complexity, she spoke.

Her tongue, like a red carpet, rolled out these words: “Why are you here...for me?”

I watched them with a meticulous, almost insane, focus as they made their exodus from her mouth and floated promptly past my eyes and into my ears.

I humbly replied, “I want to be the rain. I want to soothe the burning shield that barricades your heart....”

Author's Note

Feel free to review. I both respect and appreciate criticism, positive or negative.

Reviews

[allie_arrowz]

i love this, my favorite of yours. the imagery is amazing. i like how you made the words she said a visual, really cool.

[Laura Maidah]

Dots add extra breath that is unnecessary. Commas missing. The last dots are pretty crucial. I'd leave them. The second to last dots? I'f fragment the last clause. Make it distinct and acute. It's pretty lucid though. I liked it; The "solitary fortress" is overkill. I've read that particular locution a s**t ton. Try a substitute. for either word.

[Rhea752]

very good. the vocabulary is great. the flow is good. the story is different. overall great write

[Cole Hayley]

Incredible Jordan, very good diction and word choice laced throughout the whole piece. The narrative flows so well, a great read my friend.

[Jordan A. Wilson]

Thanks a lot man. I appreciate it.

[Celestial Witch Child]

I love this all except for the last two lines, then it gets a little cliché. Great detail.

[Harley (arbiter)]

Hmm... well its different and I love that! Never really read anything like this. Gets me to thinking. I like that me bieing a young philosopher. Great man!