december 29th , 2016

ironically, it hadn't snowed since the last time she saw him. she tried to watch the sky through the blur of the curtains that were draped over the bathroom window, through the fog the shower head created. she couldn't tell whether the sky was clear or if it was snowing or raining. she focused on the water dripping from her chin to her chest instead. with each passing second focusing on the pointless became more and more difficult. she liked to pretend things of importance didn't exist. like the number of times her chin's water dripped to her chest was all she needed to think about, like she didn't need to call him by midnight if she wanted life to change. over the course of the past month, she'd dried up any remaining color in her life. she didn't mean this of course. but with each visit to the same movie and each condemning sigh. color that had retreated into the far corners of music and his smile, all that color was soaked up by her personal rain cloud. replaced with gray, the muted color dripping down the screen that played her life out, like fingers gripping at the fabric of her reality, ready to tear a hole in her universe and suck everything that existed into it. 

water dripped down to her fingertips, making them heavy as they clung onto her skin before falling to the tile floor.  she watched them fall, focusing on each finger for a few seconds before moving to the next. the dull routine of focusing on the tedious began to weigh on her eyes, on her heart until she was worried she'd collapse, right there in the shower. getting out however, meant she'd need to realize how much time was left before she'd have to call... or not call.