This One, This Time

This one, this time,

I will get it right.

This one, this time,

I will not fight.

This one, this time,

I need you in my sight.

This one, this time,

I love you with all my might.

This one, this time,

I am guided by your light.

This one, this time,

I am no longer in flight.

This one, this time,

I will hold you oh so tight.

This one, this time,

I am the light.

This one, this time,

I am gifted with sight.

Reviews

[Perdition]

In all honesty this one has too much form for me. I think you built it around the rhyme scheme and lost the power of your meaning in the limitations of the rhymes. If you were to write this one out in free flow I wonder what wonderful words would replace the -ights....Just my thought and personal taste....sorry and I hope the honesty has helped. Keep at it dear poet and never surrender..there is a talent here and a higher source in the sleeves.

[Jen Walters]

It was just an experiment really, something different for me to write. I am trying to branch out from the misery that I used to work with, seeing what I can really come up with. Thanks for the honesty, I do appreciate it. I know not everyone will like my work, however if you go changing the poem won't you change the meaning of it?

[Perdition]

I have a friend that went mad with triolets and her rare talent lies truly in free form, she stuck with it however and I truly understood the cause but once she returned to free form it was such a wonderful thing to hear her voice again. Now, that was just my personal taste and so it is here as well. You may or may not change the meaning but if you feel the need to try a new venue then there must be a reason and that ends all discussion as far as poem and review. Not all will like the form of a poem and sometimes we need the experiment to better our skills or open some stuck doors. Please don't let my tendencies to lean away from form decide anything. This be but a simple input of how I saw and felt this verse against the others that i read. Let your talents try what they will and be open to all input ..which you are; so it's been wonderful as I have enjoyed reading the many others as well. Keep writing and working and the voice as well as muse will arrive. But ya ya just gotta love the madness of the call to poetry don't ya..lol. Thanks Jen~

[Jen Walters]

lol that's what makes it so confusing sometimes, especially free form, I love free form and blank verse because there are no rules to follow except what you already know of poetry. That's why I wrote about Xenator the Giant, because I was trying to branch out. I keep telling people that I could write about anything, clouds, skies, a sunset, a flower, the carpet, sidewalk, the bookcase in my room, it all seems to sing words to me. Sometimes they hit me in the face like bricks do, other times the images are vague and unclear but still able to be molded in my creative little head. I don't know where it comes from half the time, and I never questioned it I just sat and wrote. Believe me I don't let people's opinions of my writing get me down, I look at it as advice and opinions, which makes it all the easier for me to write. Thanks again and have a great day.

[FaeryQueen]

this is sooooooooooooooo good! omg, i love the repetition!

[Jen Walters]

Thanks so much, I deeply appreciate your comments. I will check out your poetry I promise I just had a lot dumped on my plate at the moment trying to sort through it. Will do it when I can.