Chapter 3

~*~

Lee slumped into the kitchen, the sun shining much too brightly through the window. Lee was very tired, having not slept well at all last night. He’d spent the long hours tossing and turning restlessly. He was still frightened by the nightmare he’d had.

He was in the alleyway, where he and Han had found the Rebels, except Han wasn’t there. He was standing alone, a thick fog blanketed the air, curling around his body like a dark creature. Appearing out of nowhere, off in the distance, the Rebels paced back and forth, looking just as haunting as before. The fog made it hard to see, but then it cleared, and Lee saw the boy lying on the ground, bloody and broken, his eyes half open and breathing too shallowly. His cheek was pressed into the concrete, blood seeping from the corner of his mouth. Lee tried to step forward, tried to help him, but he was stuck, unable to move.

Suddenly, one of the Rebels was looming over him, and he realized he was lying on the ground. At the corner of his lip, he felt something warm drip down the skin. His eyes widened in fear as he realized he was the boy.

That’s when Lee woke up with a terrifying jolt, gasping for air. He spent the rest of the night fighting back the nightmare, because it loomed over him like a darkness, trying very hard to reach back in Lee’s mind. That morning, he even woke up with puffy cheeks and red eyes, having cried in his sleep.

Worried about how his mother would react, he’d dashed to the bathroom, splashing his face with water, desperate to erase the puffiness.

He sauntered up to the window, peaking through it, unsure of where his mother was. The sun was still too bright, so he abandoned the window, wandering over to the refrigerator. Opening it, his eyes set on a carton of milk. Deciding that the location of a glass was much too high to reach, he unscrewed the top, tipping the carton up to his lips, gulping down the refreshing liquid.

His mother still absent, Lee decided to get dressed, and took to wandering around the house, still having places he hadn’t yet explored.

Lee found himself perched on his seat at the kitchen table, leafing through a picture book he’d found on the bookshelf in the living room. It was filled with beautiful pictures of places Lee hoped he’d be able to go to someday.

He was peering at a picture of the amphitheater in Italy when the door creaked open.

 “Close your eyes, Chin-Ho.”

Lee began to squirm in his seat, because there were only two reasons why his mother would call him by his given name.

When he had done something exceptionally naughty, or when she had a surprise for him. And when his mother had a surprise for him, it was always fantastic.

Lee shut his eyes, and for good measure, he reached up, pressing his fingers over his eyelids, as to make sure he couldn’t peak.

He heard his mother’s sparkly laugh bounce across the room as she pushed her way through the doorway.

The tension was just short of torture, and he began to bob up and down faintly in his chair. His elbow hit the table as he bounced, and he willed himself to be still, not wanting his mother to regret whatever she had done.

As Lee tried very hard to keep himself from squealing, he heard his mother move across the kitchen floor, the tap tap of her shoes clicking across the tiled floor. Lee jumped again in his seat, because he heard the unmistakable thump of a box being set down on the table in front of him. He was now very aware that he was wearing his hugest smile, the one he saved for such occasions.

“Now why are you getting all excited?” his mother teased, her lovely voice coated with her own hint of excitement. “For all you know, I could’ve gotten you school books.”

“Nope.” Lee countered, shaking his head, granted he couldn’t shake too much, because his elbows would fly about, and he didn’t want to knock over anything with his extremities. “Too heavy.”

“Well, maybe it’s just clothes.” His mother pressed, and Lee could hear the smile that had curled at her plump lips.

“Uh-uh.” Lee giggled, pressing his fingers into his closed eyes. “Too light.”

He heard the box being popped opened, and he once again began to bounce in his seat.

“Well open your eyes, and see for yourself.”

Lee did, his vision slightly blurred from being closed for so long.

Held securely between his mother’s arms, was a small, white kitten. It looked at Lee with wide eyes, mewing softly.

A grin split widely across his face, Lee placed his palms on the edge of the chair, wiggling out of it, his tummy full of excitement.

The kitten mewed again in his mother’s arms, its little eyes never leaving Lee as he crept up to it. Lee reached out his fingers, letting the animal sniff them. He giggled as it rubbed its nose against his skin, the moistness of it tickling his fingertips.

“Can I hold it?” he brushed his fingers down its back, the softness of its fur causing Lee to smile bigger.

“Well, of course you can.” His mother said, wrapping a secure hand around the kitten’s belly. “It is yours.”

Lee held out open arms as his mother nestled the cat between the crook of his arm. It looked up at Lee, mewing softly at him. Lee’s chest was bubbling with such happiness.

His very own cat.

Being careful as not to drop it, he lowered himself onto the kitchen floor, crossing his legs into a pretzel as he carefully set it on the floor. It wobbled a bit as it swiveled its head, looking around. It bounced around, weaving under the legs of the kitchen table. It was very small, and Lee asked his mother how old it was.

“Barely six weeks.” She replied, drifting into the kitchen to fix Lee something to eat.

He rolled over, pushing himself onto his stomach, bringing up his hands to cradle his chin as he watched the kitten waddle around. It flicked its ears as it sniffed at the ground. It began to romp around, causing a giggle to break free of Lee’s chest. It tromped up to Lee, straining its neck to touch its nose to Lee’s chin, who giggled at the moistness of it.

“What are you going to name it?”

His mother had crouched down to open the bottom cupboard, pulling out a silver cooking pan. It clinked heavily, and the kitten jumped from the noise, looking over Lee’s shoulder towards the direction of the noise. Seeing that the pan was harmless, it turned back to Lee, mewing at him softly.

Lee thought about this for a moment, but then, the most perfect name ever popped into his mind.

“Rice Ball.”

The kitten waddled up to him, bumping its head into Lee’s chin with a light thump. Lee took that as a statement of approval.

His mother clanked around, clearly in the mood for cooking. His mother was a great cook. When his parents where still together and happy, she would burrow herself in the kitchen, cooking Lee’s and his father’s favorite foods.

But then, they started to fight, and she wouldn’t have the will to cook anymore. That’s when Aunt Yuri would come over, cooking the meals.

It was only after she left Lee’s father that she started cooking again.

He and his mother had used the rest of the day to unpack, folding the empty boxes into flat squares, and stuffing them into a broom closet. Lee’s room was now empty of anything cardboard, which had been replaced with all his things. The entire apartment now looked very cozy.

Lee was now wandering throughout the apartment, silently admiring their new home. His eyes settled upon the chest that nestled tightly against the wall. It was a very beautiful chest. Every time he went to Aunt Yuri’s house, he would always admire it.

He walked up to it, sinking down on his knees. He reached up grabbing the edges of it. It was very heavy, and a little grunt slipped past his lips as he raised the lid. Careful not to drop it on his head, he set it carefully against the wall, peering down into the chest. Nestled comfortably inside, was an array of little things from all over the world. Aunt Yuri loved to travel, and every time she came back from a different country, she would have something new to stow away in her chest.

Lee reached down, curling his fingers around a little doll. It was handmade, and it wore a bright green dress. Its eyes were made out of black buttons, and a small smile had been sewn into its white face. Lee remembered Aunty Yuri saying she had gotten this in Morocco.

Setting the doll back down, his eyes scanned the contents, resting on a beautiful horse. It was very small, made of white porcelain. Delicately hand painted on, were very colorful paint strokes, swirling around its small body.

“Your aunt bought that when we visited Italy together.” His mother’s voice floated up and over his shoulder, settling lightly into his ear. He snapped around, eyes wide, afraid that he was in trouble for snooping.

His mother floated lightly down onto her knees, resting by his side. She reached into the chest, pulling out a glistening seashell, just the size of her palm. “She had taken me to America with her a long time ago, and I’d found this in the ocean. I gave it to her as a gift.” Her voice was soft, as if it were lost somewhere in a time where Lee didn’t exist yet. A time when things were easier. She held the shell lightly between her fingers, eyes glazed over. Lee peered into the chest, his eyes falling on a quilt, intricately woven with dark thread.

“Did Aunt Yuri make this?” Lee asked in wonderment, reaching down for it.

His mother laughed softly as he pulled it out of the chest. It was very soft, and Lee couldn’t help himself but to rub it against his cheek.

“Oh no,” she giggled, watching Lee. “Yuri couldn’t sew to save her life.” She reached out for the quilt, and Lee released it, letting his mother take it in her hands, staring thoughtfully at the beautiful fabric. “She bought this when she visited Paris.” Aunt Yuri truly had been everywhere. Lee hoped that someday she might take him on one of her adventures.

“Come into the kitchen with me.” Her voice wavered, as if she was pushing back something haunting. “I’m going to go ahead and start making dinner.” She folded up the quilt, putting it back into the chest.

“But dinner won’t be for a few hours.” Lee said, watching his mother as she lowered the lid back down over the chest.

“The recipe I’m trying takes a while to prepare.” Lee loved how his mother was in such a cooking mood lately.

Lee followed his mother into the kitchen. As she rummaged around in the kitchen for ingredients, Rice Ball had appeared out of nowhere, mewing up at Lee. Lee squatted down, planting his palms on the floor, the kitten curling around his wrist.

Lee was now sprawled out on the floor, watching his kitten romp around, batting at a small rubber ball his mother had found for her earlier that day.

He had his chin propped up on the back of his hands, and every time he giggled, it sent vibrations through his chin into his hands, making them tickle.

His mother was bustling about in the kitchen, washing and putting away the dishes.

“I start my first day of work tomorrow, Lee.” She said something else, but Lee wasn’t paying attention, because his kitten had found one of her hair ties, and was now chasing it across the kitchen.

There was a solid tap tap tap on the door, and Lee snapped up, eyes wide with curiosity as his mother floated up towards the door.

“Hello, Han.” His mother’s voice perked up exceptionally, happiness rising like bubbles out of her throat.

“Hello, Miss. Lee.” Lee imagined Han bowing deeply in respect to his mother, his little hands clasped together. “Can Lee come out to play?”

To be quite honest, Lee was awfully preoccupied with his new kitten, but he didn’t find it in him to turn the boy down.

His mother was now peaking around the door, lifting her eyebrows at Lee, nonverbally asking him if he wanted to play with Han today.

“Sure, Han, I’ll play with you.” Lee made his voice loud, so Han would hear him from the outside. He heard an excited squeak float up from behind the door, and Lee had to hold back a giggle as Han was no doubt jumping gleefully, curling his fingers into tight fists with joy.

His mother invited Han inside while Lee went to collect his shoes from his room. Dashing back into the kitchen, he found Han draped on the floor, running his small hand along the kitten’s tummy, which had rolled onto its back. Lee could hear Rice Ball purring all the way from where he was standing. A smile pulled at his lips as he approached Han, who was giggling profusely, because Rice Ball had now latched its teeth gently on his finger, chewing on it as if it were a piece of meat.

“Come on, Han.” Lee voiced, and Han groaned in protest, nevertheless, pushing himself up off the floor.

Bidding his mother goodbye, the boys left the apartment, Lee slamming the door shut. Lee wasn’t sure as to where Han wanted to go, so he just followed behind the boy like a puppy, trailing at his heels.

“Let’s go to the park.” Han suggested, looking over his shoulder at Lee, who only nodded in response. Lee didn’t know Shanghai very well yet, so he was just going to let Han take him wherever he wanted to go.

“Which park?” Lee was smart enough to know that China provided about a billion parks to play in.

“You’ll see.” Han smirked up at Lee.

Lee followed Han closely, having become very excited at the thought of going to a park. Lee loved parks. Back in Korea, he and his friends would steal away to the park that was nestled across the street from his house. They would bury themselves there for hours, and their mothers had to come and fetch them, or else they would’ve never gone home.

This particular park in which Han suggested wasn’t very far away, and it only took them about ten minutes.

The sun was already beginning to set, casting a beautiful pink across the sky.

Han waddled ahead of him, his dark hair flopping up and down, his little arms swinging out at his sides.

Halting to a stop, he plopped down on the soft grass, his little palms planted firmly on the ground as he crawled onto his stomach. Lee kept his stride, resisting the urge to romp alongside with him. Finally reaching Han, he sank down on the ground beside him. A cool breeze ribboned through Lee’s hair, cooling his scalp. He breathed in through his nose, pushing out the breath through parted lips. Lee fell back slowly, pressing his back into the soft grass. Han copied him, nestling himself on his own back right beside Lee. Lee brought up his fingers, interlacing them together, setting them on his chest.

“I like to come here sometimes at night.” Han’s voice floated up, soft and light, like a feather. “No one’s here at this time, so it’s always quiet. Let’s me think.”

Lee found this statement slightly comical, given that most six years old don’t like to think. They just do.

Lee had come to the conclusion that Han doesn’t get into much mischief, so he figured once and a while, Han liked to wander off.

“My grandmother always goes to bed really early, so she never notices when I’m gone.”

Lee turned his head, facing Han. “You live with your grandmother?”

“Yes. Sometimes it’s hard for her to take care of me, so Uncle Hiro helps out a lot.”

Lee felt his brow furrow. Why did Han live with his grandmother? He silently decided that if Han didn’t bring this particular detail up, Lee wasn’t going to ask.

“She’s works as a housekeeper, so she’s hardly ever home anyway.” Lee thought something was very heartbreaking about this. Was anybody there for Han?

The pink in the sky had disintegrated, leaving bright, shining stars in its path.

They were like Rice Balls, dazzling and beautiful, captivating Lee. They twinkled happily, nestled within the dark sky. They stretched out across the night sky, gazing down at the boys.

When Lee was younger, he remembered asking his mother how many stars there were.

“Beauty can’t be measured.” She had said. “It’s breathtaking because it’s infinite.”

So infinity is beautiful. That’s what Lee had concluded. Things that don’t have answers shouldn’t be questioned in the first place. The fact of not knowing was breathtaking in itself.

Han squirmed beside him, trying to get comfortable. Lee was drifting off, his mind floating far away from what he considered reality. Lee reached out with lazy fingers, trying to coax it back, but it wouldn’t obey. It just bobbed lazily up and down, and Lee gave up on retrieving it.

~*~

Lee opened his eyes, and they felt heavy, as if he’d been asleep. He breathed in deeply, his chest swelling as he blinked repeatedly. His mind felt thick, and he supposed he had in fact fallen asleep. Lee didn’t know how much time had passed, but he figured he should probably get home. Han had fallen asleep as well, so he had to nudge him awake. Han rubbed his eyes sleepily, asking Lee what time it was. Lee was unsure, and this alone frightened him. He knew his mother would be worried. He rose to his feet, lifting Han up with him by his arm.

They hustled home, because it was very dark, and it set Lee on edge. Lee walked Han home, not wanting a six year old to go waddling off into the night on his own. It crossed Lee’s mind that he didn’t know where Han lived. As he followed Han, he noted the street name, so he could find his way back. They didn’t walk very far, and it turned out that Han didn’t live that far from Lee. He was just one street over from his apartment block. Lee breathed a sigh of relief, now that he realized he wouldn’t have to go on a scavenger hunt for his apartment in the middle of the night.

After saying goodbye, Han slipped inside his house, and Lee made his way back to his own. He sped up when it came into view.  He reached up, closing his fingers around the cold door knob. Turning it, he pushed the door open, which creaked loudly. Wincing, he stepped carefully inside. 

“Chin-ho.” His mother’s usually soft voice came out hard and course, curling at the edges. He whipped around on his heel, gaping up at his mother, who was absolutely fuming.

“Where have you been?” her voice was sharp, slicing the air with each syllable. Lee cowered beneath her, his head held low, his shoulders hunched forward, feeling very small. He brought his hands up, clasping them tightly together as his eyes nailed to the floor.

“Lee Chin-ho, answer me!” his mother hardly ever raised her voice, but when she did, it rattled Lee’s brain. It’s not that it was very loud, but it was scary. When his mother was angry, he wasn’t frightened of her, but more ashamed of whatever he had done. He didn’t like upsetting his mother. He thought his father had done enough of that.

“I was with Han.” He muttered softly, the words slithering shamefully past his teeth. He heard his mother inhale a sharp intake of breath. He tilted his head up ever so slightly, peering up at his mother.

“That doesn’t tell me where.” She hissed, her hands on her hips.

“We were at the park.” His knuckles were turning white.

His mother’s eyes widened, as if he didn’t realized how terrible this actually was.

“You were outside? In the dark?” her words were soft with disbelief, almost inaudible.

Lee titled his head higher, furrowing his brow at his mother, confused by her words.

“Do you realize how reckless that was?” her words were still burned with anger, but now they were accompanied by something else. A mother’s instinct.

She knelt down on her knees, raising her hands to Lee’s arms, squeezing them.

“There are people out there who want to hurt you! You need to understand that!” she shook him, as if this would get this across to him. Lee noticed her voice had now become frazzled. His mother was truly frightened.

“Mama, I’m sorry.” He said softly. And he truly was. He didn’t like frightening his mother like that.

“Baby, you don’t seem to understand. There are people roaming these streets. Children go missing all the time here in China!” It suddenly crossed Lee’s mind that his mother knew about the Rebels.

Lee shrunk beneath his mother’s grip, fear crawling through his body like a dark creature, claiming him as his own. Lee had seemed to have completely forgotten about the fact that the Rebels were taking people. And he and Han had been outside at night, the infamous time of the day when children would go missing. Suddenly, Lee didn’t feel too good.

His silence taking over him, he took a step forward, pressing himself into his mother, burying his face into her neck. He felt arms wrap securely around his body, holding him tightly against her.

“Don’t scare me like that.” Her voice was soft now, laced with tenderness. Lee brought up his arms, circling them around his mother’s neck.

“I won’t. I promise.” He breathed into her neck, the heat of his breath brushing onto her skin then off it, warming his cheeks. He pulled away the softness of her hair tickling his nose.

She looked at him with dark eyes, the hardness of her anger having subsided, and only a softness remained.

Lee didn’t like scaring his mother like that. He hated himself when he did.

His mother took him in her arms again, lifting him off of the ground as she rose to her feet.

“Time for bed.” She whispered, as if nothing had happened. Perhaps she wanted to pretend as if nothing had. Maybe she wanted to pretend as though her son had not been in dangers of being captured by the Rebels.

Lee was silent as his mother carried him to his room. She didn’t even bother flipping on the switch as she undressed him, replacing his clothes with basketball shorts and a night shirt. Lee had stopped wearing pajamas a long time ago, refusing to do so because he thought it made him look like a child. Though he was, Lee liked to think otherwise.

He had lifted his arms cooperatively, letting his mother tug on his shirt. After he was dressed, his mother scooped him up again, lowering him onto his bed. She had pulled back the covers, and was now pushing them back over his body, up to his chest. He pulled out his arms, which had been captured underneath the blankets, and plopped them down at his sides. His mother gazed down at him, her features soft now.

He reached up, taking his mother’s face in his tiny hands. Her cheeks were soft and warm against his palms. He noticed that they were faintly puffy, and Lee’s heart shook beneath his chest as he realized his mother had been crying. And it was because of him. Lee suddenly felt like his father, and he didn’t like it one bit.

He pulled his mother in, raising his lips to hers, pressing them softly in a quick kiss. He had ceased to do this, because he was now eight years old, and eight year old boys didn’t do such things. But he knew his mother loved it when he did so, and it broke her heart the day he stopped, pushing her away when she had leaned down to kiss him on the lips. But tonight was different. He had scared his mother greatly, and he figured the least he could do was permit her one kiss.

He pulled back, and his mother heaved a sigh, a soft smile growing on her lips. She raised her hand, pushing it quickly through his hair before rising to her feet.

“Go to sleep.” She said softly, then turned, leaving his room, shutting the door behind her.

Lee lay there, staring up at the ceiling. It was completely dark in his room, so it felt like his eyes were floating aimlessly around in a dark cloud. They quickly grew heavy.

Lee fell asleep, hoping that tonight he would not have any nightmares.

He was wrong.

He was with Han, and they were alone, standing in the middle of an abandoned street. It was dark, and the moon hung high in the sky. It was cold, and Han had latched onto his arm, wide eyes darting around in fear. It suddenly came to Lee’s attention that they were surrounded by dark figures, advancing slowly on them. When they had come closer, Lee realized they were the Rebels. Han pressed himself into Lee as the men came closer and closer. One now loomed over Lee, a blood curdling smile curling at his lips.

Lee woke up with a start, his body shaking. He pushed the hot sheets away from his body, swinging his legs to the side of the bed sliding off. Making his way across his dark room, he pulled his door open, padding across the quiet house. Reaching up with a small hand, he pushed his mother’s door open. Toddling quietly across the floor, he made his way to the empty side of her bed. Pushing his palms into the bed, he heaved himself onto it. Being careful not to wake her, he pulled the sheets over his shoulders, molding to her side. Now safe from the nightmares, he closed his eyes, heavy sleep finally sweeping over him.

~*~