Her Debut

An introduction to the main character, Princess Selene Debuoise.

May 17th, 1523.

Princess Selene Debuoise sat next to her open window with a brush in one hand and a long tress of auburn brown hair in the other. The cool spring air coming off from the Straits of Dover and traveling miles inland to refresh the stale and often putrid air of Old London was a reassuring sign that both God and good fortune was looking down on her with favor on the eve of her twentieth birthday. It was a big day because Duke Ellington of Wales was coming to pay her a visit and ask her father�"the king�"for her hand in marriage.

It was a perfect set up in her mind. The duke came from a rich and powerful family whose influence could be felt in the halls of Parliament and the man was quite the charmer and had a brilliant sense of humor on top of that.

A fact that made her laugh on more than one occasion when she was much younger and had eyes for the up and coming lord of the house�"taken in by his rough and tumble spirit and firm approach to both law and family.

A knock on the door interrupted her train of thought and the princess looked up from what she was doing and said, “Yes?”

A woman servant came in through the foyer and bowed for a moment.

“My lady, the carriage awaits to take you back to the castle.” She said in a pleasant tone of voice.

Princess Selene stood up and brushed herself off of any loose hair that may have been present.

“Yes. Thank you, Cecily. I am almost ready. I was busy brushing my hair and enjoying the view.”

“A beautiful day indeed, my lady.” Cecily agreed quickly, coming up to her and taking the brush from her hand. Then she had the princess turn around so that she could groom the back.

 The young woman closed her eyes and sighed�"liking the feeling of another person taking a personal moment to attend to her needs. By no means was she ever pushy or demanding. But very kind, gentle, and understanding.

The perfect representative of the king’s ward and an upstart lady to boot.

“Cecily, do you think the duke will be attending my birthday party?”

“Him and most of London’s elite.” The servant reassured her kindly.

“I hope so. I find him very engaging.”

The two women sighed at the same time and then laughed.

“Yes, I’m sure that he’ll be attending your birthday party, my lady. He would be a remissive fool if he did not�"especially when he’s been courting you for the past few years.”

“Do you think that my father knows about him and I?”

Cecily stopped in her ministrations to consider the silly question.

“If he doesn’t, he’s a much bigger fool than any of us.” She said in a quiet but playful voice.

Selene smiled, knowing how right she was. Her father agreed to the courtship three years ago and the two started exchanging pleasantries and then letters followed�"letters that only heightened and strengthened their relationship over time.

“How true.”

Cecily resumed brushing her lady’s hair with sure and even strokes, making sure that the knots and tangles would disappear�"leaving her with illustrious tresses and curls as a reward.

“No sense in going to your party with bed hair, my lady.” The woman cautioned airily. “We have to make you pretty and proper for the lords and ladies in waiting.”

“Yes of course.” Selene agreed up front, taking a moment to look down on the morning dress that she had chosen to wear: A sea blue ensemble with white frills running down the length of both arms and wrists, and down both sides of her neck and snaking around her breasts and ending mid-point at her supple and thin waist.

“I pray that everything will be fine for tomorrow night.” She added.

“Everything will be fine, my lady.” Cecily reassured her patiently. “Nothing will ever go wrong for you. Not now, not evermore. Your future has been determined by the good graces of God himself to be true and just. As such, you will have nothing to worry about or fear�"so long as you have the love and dedication of your father’s royal subjects in mind.”

“I wonder…” the young woman mused openly to herself. “What it would be like to have things change on you all of a sudden? Without any hint of control over the end results?”

Cecily paused for a moment. “Are you hoping things will change because you wish it? Or is this more of this fanciful thinking which has gotten you into more than your usual fair share of troubles with your father and mother?”

“Just some idle thoughts, Cecily. There’s no harm in thinking, is there?” She asked.

“In this family, such thoughts have always portended ill will and stormy weather�"whether it was intended to be just a bluff or not.”

Selene sighed quietly. “I suppose you’re right. Such thinking bids nobody fair winds in the long term. We have to keep a level head on all subjects of interest and matters of state lest the people start believing that we’ve all gone stark raving mad.”

“Such politics have always been a driving force for chaotic change in the past. But these days, we have to be more mindful of our words, because the people do listen.”

“Yes…” The young woman agreed. 

“So that means laying off politics, my lady.” Cecily warned up front. “Your strong sense of devotion to the facts on hand has stirred more than one man’s sense of irritation, impassioned youth, or desire towards your cause beli.”

Selene’s cheeks reddened at her servant’s underlying words.

“I only speak the truth, Cecily.”

“Yet, you do not govern policy, child. That is better left to the heads of state. And your parents, the honored king and queen.”

The young woman sighed. “Yes, I know.” She relented quietly, sensing that they were now done with her hair.

“Do you have any ribbons or ties?” The woman asked.

Selene pointed to her vanity desk.

“Second drawer.” She said, watching her servant glide across the floor silently and open the drawer in question�"coming back with a few red ribbons which would compliment her choice of attire.

Cecily began tying the first one near the top�"at the neckline�"cinching it nice and tight, and then doing the same for the middle, while finishing up with a nice bow towards the end.

“There. Finished.” She said, producing a mirror and showing it to her mistress.

“Perfect.” Selene complimented openly. “Thank you for your assistance, today, Cecily. I shall remind my father of your graciousness and company this day.”

Cecily bowed slightly. “Thank you, my lady.” She said. “Shall we go?”

Selene nodded. “Yes. Let’s go and greet the people this fine day.”

Author's Note

Fresh off the presses! Enjoy!

Reviews

[RazzySkittles]

Heya Schuyler
So I've have read your wonderful story, and I love the way in which you have written your story. There is a lot of wonderful tidbits I found in your sentences such as "Cecily resumed brushing her lady’s hair with sure and even strokes, making sure that the knots and tangles would disappear"leaving her with illustrious tresses and curls as a reward." Etc. Although I did find it was a little difficult to follow everything that was happening in the story mainly because the paragraphs weren't broken up very well. When you start a paragraph it should begin when Person (A) is speaking and then end when Person (B) says something, then person (B's) Paragraph should end when Person (A) Speaks again.

(Example:
Princess Selene Debuoise sat next to her open window with a brush in one hand and a long tress of auburn brown hair in the other. The cool spring air coming off from the Straits of Dover and traveling miles inland to refresh the stale and often putrid air of Old London was a reassuring sign that both God and good fortune was looking down on her with favor on the eve of her twentieth birthday. It was a big day because Duke Ellington of Wales was coming to pay her a visit and ask her father"the king"for her hand in marriage. It was a perfect set up in her mind. The duke came from a rich and powerful family whose influence could be felt in the halls of Parliament and the man was quite the charmer and had a brilliant sense of humor on top of that. A fact that made her laugh on more than one occasion when she was much younger and had eyes for the up and coming lord of the house"taken in by his rough and tumble spirit and firm approach to both law and family. A knock on the door interrupted her train of thought and the princess looked up from what she was doing and said,
“Yes?” A woman servant came in through the foyer and bowed for a moment.
“My lady, the carriage awaits to take you back to the castle.” She said in a pleasant tone of voice. Princess Selene stood up and brushed herself off of any loose hair that may have been present.

End of Example)
When some one speaks it should be the beginning of the paragraph, and then when a new person says something it's the start of a new paragraph. The beginning of each paragraph should be indented. I know you are probably thinking that this is not what you were hoping for in a review. I'm just letting you know what I think about the structure because the story wonderful, and I think it would be even more fantastic with some good structure. Structure can be an important tool to use, that will insure that your readers understand the script properly. :) Plus when writing a scene with multiple characters it's good to specify (A little more then you would with one character) who is speaking and who is thinking certain things (Especially since you have two female characters in this first chapter.) I honestly love the way it's written and find it very humorous and find your main character very in place. She feels fairly well rounded. I reccomend (Just my opinion) That you give the writing more structure, and that you specify who is thinking, and who is talking. I think the story is just fine the way it is, and that you shouldn't change any names or her thoughts, but if you are worried about Duke Ellington's character or name then I reccomend you go back to his character and do a rough draft, see what you would like more and what you don't like (Basically write a paper where you blab about the character to figure him out better) As for her thoughts (Selene's) If you are worried about them being too obvious I don't think you should be because I find that it's common that girls contemplate change alot. If you end up changing it though, then it might be good to foreshadow change coming in the story rather then having her think about it directly. I hope this review was helpful, I love the story and I would love read more! :) I love the writing style you have, and I love how the thoughts of your character Selene feel very educated, and intrigued with policy, and politics it feels very elequent and believable for her character. :) (It was more common during the medieval and rennaisance era for women to gossip a lot about those things simply because it was entertaining to them. Also because women didn't really get to have a direct impact on polotics during those times. A few women did like Queen Elizabeth, but not many. It was more likely that women on occasion would have a small impact on polotics from behind the scenes.) :)

[Anthony Gerrard]

I enjoyed this and want to read more though a couple of bits irritated. "Duke Ellington" - Really? Also the bit where she suddenly contemplates everything changing is a bit obvious - Oh I wonder what would happen if ... Oh, read on and find out!
It does set up nicely the pampered lifestyle, to contract with the too clearly impending doom about to befall her.