Bleeding Out

I wouldn’t even realize I was doing it. Inching closer and closer to the edge. Craving to know. What if I jumped? Would it feel like flying?

I never had been suicidal. Wasn’t depressed either. I just had these urges. Standing at the top of a building I would think, what if I jumped? what would it feel like? who would truly grieve? Like I said, not suicidal at all.

Sometimes I wouldn’t even realize I was doing it. Inching closer and closer to the edge. Craving to know. Would it feel like flying? Would I finally be free? No one knew I thought this, I’m sure they noticed something different about me around heights. I would stop mid sentence and just stare. Everything would go blank. The empty space was beckoning.

17 years I ignored the feeling, enjoying it. I only ever allowed myself small amounts of this freedom, sometimes even hanging out over the edge while laying on my stomach. But of course I always came back to that same roof top. Just a few blocks down, it was one of the largest buildings in the area. From up there I could see everything. I would watch the night life and admire the lights.

The cars felt so far down from there. I watched them drive by and yearned to see them coming closer and closer to me until I could make out all the faces of the people in them. I wanted to fly. I could feel it in my gut.

The feeling was slowly killing me. I couldn’t handle it for too long. I was bleeding out.

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She stood on the very edge of the tallest building. Standing on the top, you could almost imagine it swaying back and forth. The toes of her sneakers hung over the side and were pointed downwards as she balanced on the very edge. The wind pushed her back and forth, teasing her to fall and pulling her long brown hair out into empty space.

Slowly, still swaying back and forth keeping her balance, she spread out her arms almost as if to grab even more of the cold biting wind. The wind held up for a moment, the briefest moment, and that was when she chose to fall. It was a slow, almost graceful- if death could be graceful- slip.

She tumbled down, past dark office rooms and apartments, all the way down into the darkness. From above it looked almost as if she could suddenly harness the wind and fly away. As she fell towards the ground she closed her eyes and smiled. For once in her life she looked at total peace.

As she neared the pavement she opened her eyes once more to watch the cars and their passengers, the people on the sidewalk, and the storefronts. It was all so normal.

Suddenly, without warning, she appeared to realize what this was. It wasn’t flying, this was falling. This was dying. Her graceful fall quickly became a ragged dance. Trying desperately to crawl back to the top that was now so far away.

The sound of a scream floated up to the rooftop, but only the sight of the impact reached the top of the building. Tiny people could be seen scrambling around like ants as panic spread throughout the surrounding area. The chaos continued, but that was only on one side of the building. Merely turn to the other side and nothing was wrong. Just look away, pretend it didn't happen, there was no problem, because she never had been suicidal.

Author's Note

It is just something that I wrote in my free time and was trying out different things. Eh heh, realized I forgot the ending.

Reviews

[Illubuu]

The ever infamous L’appel du vide.

I honestly loved this. It was a great choice to start out with a narrative from her point of view and switch over for the end. We connect with her, feeling what she is feeling and then watch as an outsider as she makes her choice.

The way you worded her thoughts and actions had them flow together brilliantly.

I just wish this was a little longer! Great job!

[Woody]

impeccable writing! I haven't seen the slightest hitch.
interesting story. twofolds. I liked the story being told from two points of view.
nicely penned.