Teen Parenting Satire

This was an assignment I was encouraged to do by one of tutors. It was inspired by Gulliver's Travels which is one of the books that was studied in the unit this piece was written for.

Chapter One: Communicating with your teenager

As a parent of a teenager communication is very important. You want to know what drugs they are taking, where they are getting their alcohol from, or who they got pregnant. It is essential for you to be aware of these things but you can only know them by talking to your teenager. A major complaint of parents is that their teenager mostly lives in their room and is generally uncommunicative. When asked about the pile of porn magazines you found in their bedroom while looking for their drug stash the teenager will storm off and go into their room slamming the door.

Most parents try to talk to their child while they are undertaking a quiet leisurely activity. They will approach the child asking them how that math test they were worried about went or if they would like a snack. The teenager will generally respond with a shrug, “It went alright” or “Yes, please.”

Where the parent goes wrong is in their approach to opening communication with their child. Parents should wait until a more appropriate moment such as when they are dropping their child and their friends off at the shopping centre. This allows the child to be comfortable as they are surrounded by their peers.

Parents also misinterpret their child’s response which means they lose an opportunity to talk to their teenager. A common misinterpretation is the shrug which would seem to indicate apathy towards conversation but in actuality indicates the opposite. This means the child is open to all of the questions you may have about their studies and friends.

How to get them to talk to you

When it comes to talking to your child the approach to conversation is important in getting a response that allows the conversation to continue in a way that leaves both you and your teenager satisfied. For example the question “Do you do drugs?” might get a negative response which  invites no further conversation. However the question: “Would you like a snack?” might prompt a response of “Yes” proving that they have the ‘munchies’ and are therefore on drugs. This allows for further conversation in which you can ask them where they hide their stash.

It is crucial during the conversation that the teenager understands that you are only concerned about what is going on in their lives and what decisions they are making to lead them down an irredeemably wrong path. A teenager who feels that during conversation their parent isn’t judgmental of them or respects their decisions will be less likely to have a positive reaction towards further communication attempts. This is due to the fact that they feel everything they say to the parent is calmly and logically heard rather than irrationally criticised. Teenagers look to you for guidance and direction in their lives.

In order to prompt conversation you should make yourself available for your child to talk to by positioning yourself so that your child feels comfortable approaching you for conversation. One way to make yourself available to your teenager is by doing your after-hours office work or household finances etc. in an open communal space in the house instead of your study. Your teenager will see that you are open to conversation and approach you. While talking to your teenager, make sure they know they are not interrupting anything by continuing with your work throughout the conversation.

When your teenager does confide in you make sure your response doesn’t discourage them from further or future conversation. For instance, as parents you are inclined to respond with empathy rather than sympathy. This is a mistake as your child does not want to know that you went through the same experience and perhaps have some wisdom to offer them. Teenagers want to feel like their problems are insignificant and trivial. By giving your child sympathy they will appreciate your empty concern and feel encouraged to continue to tell you about their problems.

Historically online communication has always been a rite of passage in the teenage social life. You probably remember facebooking your friends to come over or organise a night at the movies and texting your friends about your date with Bill. This is why it is another way to get in touch with your teen. Your teen will appreciate you ‘friending’ them on facebook or following them on twitter, youtube and other various social networking sites. Social networking media offers the means for your teen to communicate with you without the intimidation of face to face contact or immediate response. Your teen will appreciate your effort in making yourself more open to communication.

Cellular phones are also an excellent connection to your teenager along with other benefits, for example their use as a tracking device. Cellular phones enable you to send helpful reminders to your teen or ask questions such as their location, which they will lie about, throughout the day without appearing overbearing. Another benefit is that the teenager feels more comfortable as they do not feel the burden of face to face communication.

How to speak teenager

Teenagers are prone to misinterpreting what you tell them and this leads to miscommunication between parents and children. Understanding what your teenager’s body language and phrases mean is important for communicating to your child in a way they understand.

A lot of teenage communication is non-verbal. This consists of shrugs, eye-rolls and glares. While non-verbal communication is harder to decipher it is just as important, if not more important than verbal communication. Each form of communication has its own different meanings.

The shrug is a generally positive response. This is because it can indicate interest in the subject such as when asked how the movie went. Interest in the topic means your teenager is willing to talk and you can engage in conversation about the movie: who went, where they went and so on. The shrug is also positive in terms of its response to a question for example if they have eaten lunch. Determining their response to your question also allows you to appropriately decide on the correct disciplinary response.

One of the more subtle non-verbal responses is the eye roll. This can be a sign that your teenager feels guilty and is therefore agitated by the conversation topic such as when asked if they are sexually active. It can also be a sign of amusement such as when asked where they hide their drugs. You should wait until later to sneak into their room and do another search.

The glare is a very diverse means of non-verbal communication and therefore must be deciphered accurately before responding. It can signal that your child is feeling playful such as when asked about the girl you know they have a crush on. While your teenager is in such a humorous mood share the joke with the rest of the family. Quite different from this humour is the anger that the glare can also signify such as when asked about the boyfriend they were going out with. In this case it is important to figure out what about the topic has angered your teenager and fix the problem for them.

Verbal communication is much easier to interpret. Teenagers often use familiar words, though in a different way than an adult would use them. The words most parents claim confusion around is ‘whatever’, ‘no way’ and ‘I don’t know’. These seemingly simple phrases understood clearly if spoken by a fellow adult become unclear when spoken by a teen.

The term ‘whatever’ is similar to non-verbal communication and can have multiple meanings depending on the context in which it is used. It can express apathy or irritation towards a subject such as your reasons why they should eat the dinner you cooked for them. It can also express disbelief or doubt, usually their belief in your lack of understanding on a situation such as when you explain why they are not going to Jenna’s birthday party.

‘No way’ generally communicates disbelief. This can be disbelief in the statement itself such as ‘I know what you are going through, I was your age once too’. Or the disbelief can be that you have said the statement such as ‘Can you please do the dishes?’

‘I don’t know’ indicates a lack of knowledge when expressed by an adult but for a teenager this phrase means they are either keeping a secret from you or don’t care enough to answer your question. If asked how often they drink a reply of ‘I don’t know’ indicates a secret. This secret usually being that they are an alcoholic and require immediate intervention. If asked about when they expect their exam results a reply of ‘I don’t know’ indicates they don’t care about the results and are on the road to becoming a trolley boy or prostitute.

 

Case study

Suzanne and Collin’s child Kate was particularly violent which they attributed immediately to drug use. However they felt helpless because they could not communicate with their daughter to determine what drugs she was using and how best to tell her to stop. Previous attempts had included disciplinary action such as smacking. After reading this book they made themselves available using the techniques suggested with unexpected results. Using further information in the book about communicating with their teenager they found themselves having conversations that decisively solved the problem by clarifying the situation to both the parents and the child.