Anonymous - Two

I mean

if we were being honest here

I would probably tell you that

when I'm not on drugs

all I think about is suicide,

and drugs.

And every night

I lay in bed too tired to cry

and I stare into the emptiness

and I wonder,

if I'm a person anymore

or just a glass

that used to be half empty

and I'm confined

to the lines

created by my own mind

and I'm so afraid

of being hurt

again

and I don't think I'm going to make it through this year alive

I don't know how to ask for help

and if I did

Id still be too weak not to pretend to be strong

and everyone thinks

the pills I'm snorting are going to my head

they say I'm abusing them and ill end up dead

but they don't know

how f*****g peaceful death sounds

as opposed to the monsters in my head

that tell me starve

and slit my f*****g wrists

and f**k any guy who shows an interest

and I'm trying to act like I'm okay

but I'm so sick of feeling like a f*****g toy

who's batteries are about to die

and I keep picturing

someone finding my dead body

and being selfish enough to cry

when not a single f*****g person asked if I was okay

and I feel like I'm going f*****g crazy

even the LSD seems normal

and he says he really likes me but he cant even reply

and I still haven't forgiven the nights he made me cry

and I don't know if he's the enemy

or if it's just my own mind

I just don't know how much longer I'll survive

running on empty

and I literally mean

Running. On. Empty.

and my legs start to burn

and I'm not losing weight

and I feel like suicide will be the only way

I still don't know

whether or not there's enough space on a CD

for my suicide playlist

because notes are cliché

I don't even have a single word to say

I'm sorry mom

I really f*****g tried

which is more than I can say for you

do you remember me?

the sound of my voice?

my memory of yours is deteriorating

you haven't called and wont pick up

and I hate you

and I hate that I keep accepting your apologies

I know that you're mom

you're just never f*****g there for me

and I'm sorry for saying this

I don't want to hurt you

I just thought you

should know

that I didn't just desert you

But I'm a liar and no one cares

so the words that fill my head will always remain there

Reviews

[Madame Murrell]

I could definately relate to so much of what you mentioned