chronological

for those who understand what it's really like to feel nothing

at first there was pain

constant

stagnant 

always there

pressing on my mind

my heart

my slowly shattering soil

a consistent reminder

pain

i cried out 

the weight

too much

but i welcomed it

in the dark

when i was 

alone

it was a comfort

something ever-present

a companion i could count on

a reminder that i once

had 

something real

the pain was first

but then it dulled

into something 

quieter

something that muffled my screams

into

a silent

clutch to my chest

gasp of non-existent breath

tear no one saw

i did not welcome this

i needed to keep screaming

but 

what's the use

when no one can hear? 

but then

worst 

of all

came the nothing

not nothing came

came the nothing

no more screams 

no more tears

no more

pleas 

pain

longing

nothing

i felt

feel 

nothing

i never thought it 

could be so heavy 

some say

nothing is

nothing

you can't see it

true

but i could see 

myself

i did not get up

no start to my 

day

one gaze

held with the wall

hours

a book

same page

same line

same

word

days

hair

face 

skin

unclean

dirty

awful

what could I do? 

i have nothing

i feel nothing

so i can do nothing

nothing occupies

every hour

there's no room for anything else

one 

lucid

part of my brain

tells me to

end it

but because my body

forces

me to do nothing

i can't even do 

that

Author's Note

i found this poem when i was cleaning, written 3 yellow sticky notes on top of my tall bookshelf. i can't even remember writing it. here it is, unedited. just curious what you think.

Reviews

[Relic]

There's a numbness about what you're referring to. That point when the will has given up but the body keeps going. It takes a while to get out of it.

[Bare Trees]

I've read this 3 times slowly. The words soil and stagnant are out of place and should be moved.
Example.

but i could see
myself
stagnant

~~~

hair
face
skin
unclean
dirty
awful
like soil

To become numb is a horrible feeling. As though a heavy burden is weighing you down and you don't know how to get it off. The burden so great the only way to resolve it is to end existence.

This is common
hard to deal with
no light in sight.

Eventually, the light comes by itself somehow. Just very slow.

[Pete]

such deep, dark depression. this is so well written it leaps off the page and inside of us. can feel every bit of it perfectly. love the title, wording, structure, imagery and flow. great write despite being a downer ... :)

[Richard McLin]

I love poems that also tell an epic tale, and in my mind this does just that. There is a dark saga in the stanza's that don't meet anyone's designed format, but form their own. This poem is a huge success, and one that I'm very glad to have found. Great job.
-Richard