A deceptive reality

for those who regret so much that they question their life and themselves

Don't get me wrong

I love my world of dreams

The magic, the mystery

So inviting

But what was once definitely reality

Has me doubting

That everything is real 

Convinced my mind has played me

I've been questioning everything

Wondering if the good

Could actually be real

And telling myself that the bad

Definitely isn't

I just want to really feel 

Like I'm living in reality

Not a painful memory

Not a crazy dream

I'm so tired

Of spending every waking moment

Wanting 

Wishing

Waiting to wake up

I want to know this is real

Author's Note

Sometimes, I get in such a bad place that I convince myself that anything even slightly good is a lie, a cruel twist that will shove me deeper into hell. Along those same lines, I manage to tell myself that the bad isn't real either, that things are turning around. It's a terrible game my mind plays. Other times, I do something and I deeply regret it, and I wonder if the person who did that thing is actually me, praying that it isn't. I hope someone can relate. Let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Lovecraft]

I can certainly relate to this poem. Many times have I wished and wondered what I could have done differently. I sense a pessimistic but realistic outlook on life, as I am a pessimist and realist myself.

I think you've done a fine job ruminating on what our minds can endure and put us through, the good and the bad. I loved this poem and I can't quite say anything truly negative about it, so very good job Nicole.

:) ;)

[Nicole Schuster]

Thank you so much! I'm sorry that you can relate to these words. I hope that sometime soon you can find something that you can believe is real.

[Lovecraft]

Yeah, I'm getting there, but Faith in most things is what I truly lack.