My Sister

for emily - i'm sorry i messed up our time together. someday we'll get it back

I didn't get enough time with her

It's no one's fault but mine

And I regret all of the choices I've made

Out of selfishness and ignorance and greed

We weren't close as kids

And we had our share of fights

We were nowhere close to best friends
And I didn't think anything of it

Wasn't that how siblings acted?

We didn't have to be close friends

In those moments of friendship, though, I was happy

But i knew there would be more

And then they didn't come

One day she was here, for our usual banter

The next she was gone
Into a world I had no connection to

It seemed to be a million miles away

I barely saw her, and when I did, it was a short visit

Her bedroom - empty

The vacant spot at the kitchen table so incredibly noticeable

I loved her, and I still do

Even between all of those catfights

But it's those catfights that I regret

Why couldn't we have gotten along?

If I had known she would be gone so soon

Away, out of my reach

Would it have changed anything? 

Would we have been closer? 

I regret those unneeded arguments

I wish I could take back the time we spent angry

I know she's better off where she is now

Why couldn't I have realized this mistake before now? 

I don't wish for a second that she would come back

We've gotten closer since she's been away

But I do with we had a second chance at a childhood

Those years to be together instead of apart

Life it way too short - I know that now

I know I can't change what happened in the past

But I will keep this, her, in mind

As I move to the future