Why

why such a terrifying, insightful, hopeful, tragic question

I can feel myself falling apart

Slipping further and further into the unknown

I can feel my heart breaking

Knowing there's no thread to sew it back together

And so I ask myself

Why? 

My feelings are changing

Once my best friend, my brother

Now the one I want to call "forever"

But I know he still sees me as he did before

And so I ask myself 

Why? 

I see my mother, lying in her bed

Weak, no strength to fight the demons she can't control

I know the light is leaving her eyes

I can't hope to understand

And I ask the Lord

Why? 

My brother is losing control

He tells me he can't go on like this

I know that this is the only exit he sees

And I have no chance to convince him otherwise

But I still ask him

Why? 

I bring the bottle back to my lips

Knowing the contents will numb the pain

Is it too much to ask - for all of it to fall away? 

To leave me here to suffer in peace?

But I still ask myself

Why? 

I know now that we never leave it

This labyrinth of suffering

And while your life may be full of torment

The one thing that truly breaks us

Is finally asking

Why?