GUILT

 It was just one night,

just this one time

and then I thought

it would be out of sight, and out of mind,

my god,

i barely even knew his name

I never thought it would

haunt me

And taunt me

and stir up  such pain... 

 

It just felt

so damn good

for that moment

to be so strongly desired

i didnt think

how now 

 it would turn me into

this revolting liar

 

oh how stupid of me

to ruin for myself

what once was  sacred

i did'nt even put up a fight

i just let him take it

 

and now i feel

dirty

and  filthy

tarnished,

and stained

rotten and awful

remoseful and shamed...

 

And now

I  live each day

with this festering secret

paranoid,scared

and desperate to keep it

 

and i constantly ponder...

if you can see it somehow,

when you look into  my eyes

and hear in the words

that I speak to you

 nothing but lies?

and

maybe you will  question

what this all  might be about?

and then you will  look at  me

with skepticism,

suspision and doubt....

 

and maybe you can smell it,

stinking,

 and reeking

as a ghastly stench

leaking  out of my pores,

Or observe it

 coroding my skin,

like a blistering,

bubbling

flesh eating sore

as

every day

it takes away from me

more and more

and then it beats me,

and pounds me

like the waves on  the shore

 

so now do I

bear a bitter  taste,  

that is rotten and rancid

putrid and vile

as i go on living

with this

wretched stealth

and  apalling guile,

just like a slimy

cold blooded

dreadful reptile...

 

and can't you realize an imposter!

when you look at my face

and sence

that my sincerity

and my virtue

have been wongfully replaced

and that  my purity

and rightousness

were corruptly erased!

 

And do you not notice,

That right now,

at this very moment...

I am being eaten alive!

by a blood sucking parrasite

that rots me inside!

after it was spawned from this secret

- that from you

I so  decietfully hide...

 

 

Well even if you never

com to learn of my crime

I can promise you this...

I will be rightfully chastized

And punished

over the course of time...

as I am impaired by this guilt

that I now feel every day,

as it gnaws,

and it claws,

and it eats me away....

 

Reviews

[Silvario]

amazing! (i woulda used 'Wow' but it was already taken ... twice. :)

seriosly tho, a truely amazing piece. powerfuly written with obviously great talent. i love the structure and its smooth yet fast paced tempo. you realy know how to put a piece together and get the message across with strength and a rather vivid carity.

the subject is an emotion one to write about and you proved to not only get me, the reader, to feel the pain, the anguish of the author, but also to feel a sense of such realism about that situation.

well done indeed. realy very top rate writing

[An owl on the moon]

Your stunning confessions dig into the mind and heart.. there for all to see the stain... yes, that guilt of betrayal.. And how it lingers.. how it devours deep inside. Horrid how a moment of pleasure can bring such unbearable pain.

[Amit Parmessur]

I know it's an empty comment but: Great piece with all sincere thoughts.

[GTVile]

This is a good description of how this works. I've witnessed it first hand. It eats you til your innerds rot out the bottom. It's very vindicating for the violated party, but the residual effects of that permanent guilt will usually take their toll on a relationship.

[kdpgrahi]

Wonderful poetry. Emotions well put into words. I find it easy and well to understand. Enjoyed reading.

[knightcall]

the details are wonderful in this poem. Plenty of emotion coming from everywhere, every line really. I will not use the word wow, but i will use Yowsah! yep

[Christian Adriaensen]

Full of emotions Stephanie,
a very pure poem.

I hope sharing these feelings did you some good.

[Forest Green]

Powerful words of regret, certainly illustrating the pitfalls of momentary impulses with nothing, no commitment, to support the reasons or the wherefores. Eventually time might wear away the regret but at this point it certainly seems permanent.

Well written...!

[Omar Fendri]

The narrative method you used it to write this poem gives it such a personal feeling with which we can relate . It feels utterly factual and 'true' as if your soul's speaking through the words.
' And do you not notice,
That right now,
at this very moment...
I am being eaten alive!
by a blood sucking parrasite
that rots me inside!' ......... well this is beautifully written. My favourite.

[ChristianM]

I can relate to this, except it's a fear of having my heart handed to me in a doggy bag as it once was. Nearly destroyed me. And I live each day behind a veil, at arm's length. I fear people will see me, and also see the anger I bear, and run from it. This poem spoke very loudly to me. I loved it.
-Kindle Review(written from the Kindle)