The Topic of Art to Hide Our Brokenness

second chapter

When I finally got home it was past five and I knew I was in for it. “You stupid kids!” she screamed as I walked in. She had Derek by his shirt, he was scared into silence, but any other time he would have been screaming which was probably what he was doing. Mom hated it when he screamed. On my way to grab Derek, I stole a glance at her newest boyfriend. He wasn’t too big, not that many people look threatening passed out and drooling on the couch. He wouldn’t be too bad to take on. I shouldn’t have looked, I wasn’t fast enough as the bottle came spinning towards me.

“I hate you all!” she screamed. A piece of the glass hit my back as I ducked into my room and slammed the door.

“You really did it this time, Derek,” I told him as I set him down on his feet. He had retreated into his shell and nothing was going to make him come out.

“Come on, buddy, you just have to be quiet when I’m not here.” I knelt, trying to get him to at least look at me. He continued to stare at the ground, not moving. I straightened his little shirt and brushed off his pants.

“Well you don’t look cut anywhere, but just to be sure we should probably change your clothes.” I went to the extra drawer I kept for him in my room. I pulled out a pair of pants and a jacket in case I had to take him out with me. I changed him and wrapped him in a blanket before laying him down to sleep.

“Night, Derek,” I said and switched off the lights. If I was lucky, he would sleep until twelve when mom should be sleeping. I could run out and make him a bottle, if not, I had a stash of cookies in my closet. When all I could hear was the game show and her boyfriends snoring, I finally relaxed. I quietly unzipped my book bag before remembering where all my books where.  Detention, again. “ni ni ni ni” Derek whined from the bed. I sighed, “Your getting spoiled little man.” I smiled as I pushed him closer to the wall so I would have room on the small cot. At my touch, he wrapped his arms around my neck and clung to my chest. I breathed in his smell, through the cigarettes and beer our house constantly stunk of, I could smell his baby smell. I loved the smell of his innocence. I smoothed out his hair.

“It will be okay, when we grow up, I’ll take you to Norway with me. Or Canada or something,” I told his sleeping form. “Anywhere but here.” I tried to stay awake, but I was exhausted and it wasn’t five minutes before I was out.
 

“Get out, get out or I’ll sic him on you! He‘ll kill you!” I could hear her screaming, her words amazingly clear. This was her favorite game, a test to see what her “man” is made of. It was the same routine all the time, make whatever unlucky man had fallen for her all upset and ticked off then “sic” me on him. Or rather, as I liked to put it, pulled me into the middle to be torn apart. If I wasn’t careful, Derek would be dragged into it too and then the cops would be there before long.

“Get out, right now!” she screamed at him echoing what I was thinking. Time to go. I glanced at the clock as I grabbed my wallet and the extra cookies. Figures, it was only eight. I would have to see if I could get a hold of my boss, I wouldn’t be coming back tonight. The window creaked open as I  pushed it open.

“Come on Derek, time to go.” He held out his stubby hands and waited for me to scoop him into my arms. I heaved him up against my chest as I straddled the window and pushed it farther open. He laid his head against my chest as I hopped down from the window sill. I jumped down the few feet and shut the window so mom wouldn’t figure out what we had done. I cradled Derek and walked to the street, staying close to the lights. I looked back at my pathetic excuse for a home. Even through the blinds, I could see the fighting, the hitting, and there was nothing I could do about it. I hurried to the crosswalk and waited. All New York City lights were long so I sat on the sidewalk and waited along with a few others. Derek tried to walk around and when I wouldn’t let him, he began to scream. I was used to others edging away when he did this, it was hard not to. He would arch his back while I held him, causing me to almost drop him before getting a full grip. Out of his throat would emit a soul piercing scream that penetrated my ears as well as anyone within thirty feet. I did my best to quiet him.
“Shh, we’re going to eat, you want to eat?” nothing seemed to register. “You want to walk, you have to hold my hand,” he was still screaming. Finally, the crosswalk said cross and I went with the throng of people moving toward the other side. I kept a grip on him until we arrived at McDonalds and I carried him in and set him down. The crying immediately stopped as he ran over to the big bench with Ronald McDonald on it. Relieved, I leaned on the counter.

“He being tough on you?” Daniel asked as he filled an order for a hot chocolate.

“Yeah, he’s been like this a lot lately,” I said nervously.

“He’ll come around, here why don’t you try some fries, see if he loves you then,” he slipped me a bag of fries as he carried three coffees to their angry owner. I smiled and took the offer nonchalantly and started for a table.

“Hey, Daniel, do you think I could…” my sentence was cut off by several peoples, “watch out!” I turned just in time to see Lydia grab Derek by his shirt several inches in mid air. My body took a moment to think for a couple seconds before I moved toward him.

“Be nice,” I heard Daniel whisper before moving to answer another request. I tried to remember this as over anxious butterflies flitted around in my gut. Not this girl again, now I was going to owe her a favor, and I had to talk to her. I had to open my mouth and actually speak to Clay’s girlfriend outside of school. I might as well have signed my own death warrant. “Thanks,” I said awkwardly, slightly turning my back as Derek clung to my shirt.

“Hey, I never got to say thanks for saving me.” Oh great, she thinks I want to be friends.

“Your welcome,” I said fake smiling.

“You live around here don’t you?”

“Yeah,” I answered curtly, maybe if I short answered all of her questions she would go away. I tried to walk away, but Derek was starting to squirm again.

“Don’t start with me,” I whispered. He gargled and reached over my shoulder to stretch his arms out to Lydia.

“Awe, can I hold him?” I didn’t really have a choice in the matter, he was already half over my shoulder into her arms.

“After all I do for you,” I growled in his ear as I handed the tyke over. Elated, he played with her hair and smiled into her eyes. She played with him for a few minutes before I realized she couldn’t take a hint and I was going to be here for a little while.

“So, you come here often?” It was a stupid question, but it was conversation.

“No, not really. My parents are anti-Mickey’s. Jonah was supposed to pick me up for dinner and a movie, but he is out with his buddies again. I’m stranded until he comes,” she smiled. He didn’t deserve her.

“How about you, why are you here?” How was I supposed to answer that one?

“Well, my mom works late so I just came here to get Derek something to eat, I’m not really much of a cook.”

“No you don’t look like the type,” she smiled and laughed. I laughed faintly, I knew Jonah was going to show up any second.

“What do you like to do, besides cook?”

“Well….” Now I was really stuck. I was failing math, everyone knew that. I was the teachers favorite example of a failure. It was all I had ever liked to think I was good at. So I said the first thing that came to my mind, “Painting, and drawing in my spare time,” I shrugged for effect.

“Really? I like painting sunsets when I get the chance.”

“Oh yeah, me too,” I answered quickly. It was the truth, I just didn’t mention I was in first grade with watercolors. She laughed like she didn’t believe me, I knew I was pathetic.

“Ea!!,” Derek pouted, reaching for the fries. I looked around nervously, there was no sign of Clay yet, maybe he wouldn’t come. If I saw him I could run or hide, right? As incredibly cowardly as that would be, I could if I wanted to and it made me feel better. Obviously she wasn’t going to leave and I couldn’t have her staring at me while I just walked away. There was going to be no way around this question.

“Hey, if you haven’t eaten yet, you want to sit with us?” Please say no, please say no.

“Sure, I’ll watch him if you want to order. Make sure he doesn‘t climb on any tables,” she grinned slightly.

“Yeah, sure, what do you want?” I said as polite as I could muster the strength to be.

“Oh anything will be fine, here let me give you the money, just take Derek for a second.” I took him before remembering my manners as she struggled to find her wallet in the unnecessarily large purse so many girls carried.

“Don’t worry about it, I got it covered,” I said uncomfortably.

“No, I have it in here somewhere.” For manners sake I had to say it.

“I work here, I get a discount, don’t worry about it.”

“Oh okay, here I’ll take cutie here.” Derek smiled and clung to her.

“Traitor,” I muttered as I walked away. I watched them as I stood in line. I hadn’t seen him that happy with another person since I had decided to trust Daniel with my secret battle of conscience. When all the rumors had been all over the news and all around school, I was the bad guy to everyone except Daniel. He told me he saw character in me and couldn’t believe I would hurt anyone. I told him honestly that I wasn’t sure what had happened, but I wouldn’t ever hurt anyone now. On just that base of trust and faith in me, he hired me and his apartment had been a safe haven for me and Derek for awhile now. It had taken Derek a long time to trust Daniel and not scream whenever we stayed the night. For some reason, he adored Lydia. Something tugged on my conscience slightly, but only for a moment. He couldn’t go into foster care, he would be passed around like a bad Christmas present no one wanted. Besides, I needed him and he needed me. Nothing would ever change that, I just needed three more years before I would take him to Norway or Canada or some far away place like that.

“So, how’s it going with the lady, you really landed this one,” Daniel said as he took my order.

“Right now I’m just trying to throw her back in before I’m hooked, that’s Clay’s girlfriend,” his eyes widened as I nodded.

“Good luck, you know who to call if you need backup. She seems to like you though.”

“Yeah, until she finds out too much. I give it two hours.” Daniel shook his head,

“Your so hostile, behave, maybe you’ll make a friend.” I rolled my eyes. Lydia saw me coming over and stood up.

“I’ll get the drinks, come on Derek, you want to help?” He jumped off her lap and nearly tipped me over trying to get the cups off the tray. I gently set the tray onto the table and organized the place. “You want to feed Derek?” I asked her, seeing as he had already positioned himself on her lap. “Yeah, sure.”

“Be careful, he bites,” I warned. I knew she wasn’t really listening as she tickled his chin, she would find out soon enough. I was so sure that five minutes into the meal I would hear a yelp and Derek smiling smugly as the poor victim sucked her fingers. Of course, the little brat was a perfect angel and only spilled his drink once...on me. Although I would never admit it, the next two and a half hours were pretty nice. We talked, but I made up most of the stuff on my end and I didn’t let the subjects wander too close to my life or anything about me at all. She talked about her parents and her hobbies at school, a little about Clay, but not much. They broke up after the attack, but I hoped she had common sense. Although, she didn’t have as much as I hoped, Jonah was just as bad as Clay, if not worse. Clay was easy to expect things out of, he was aggressive and angry inside. Jonah was the creative one. The one that came up with the more exciting tortures, like trying to put the actual person on the flagpole, not just their underwear. Luckily for me, he was just as dumb in physics as everything else and the idea didn’t fly, so to speak. We meandered until Daniel motioned for us to come over.

“It’s quitting time for us old timers, I have to take Guy home,” he said with a glance at me for affirmation of the lie. I nodded as he kept talking so no one else would notice, “and I just don’t feel right leaving such a pretty lady as yourself here with these late night hooligans,” he grinned at his buddies who laughed.

“So if your parents wouldn’t mind I could give you a ride home.” He said it gently so she didn’t feel forced.

“Well, I don’t know…” she seemed unsure, and I wanted out of there before Jonah came for his claim. I wouldn’t be there to save her if Clay had talked him into hurting her.

“It’s okay, Daniel watches Derek all the time and you can ask every worker over there, they all will tell you Daniel’s trustworthy,” I said carefully, not wanting to push her if she didn’t want to. She glanced at all the workers and seemed convinced.

“Alright, but we can’t let my parents see us, I’m not technically supposed to be out. I am supposed to be at the library studying,” grinning sheepishly she turned a little red.

“Of course not, my lady. Not a word, cross my heart and hope to die,” Daniel took off his hat and held it over his heart. He opened the door for us and I breathed a sigh of relief. We were going to leave and I was still in one piece, if we could just make it twenty feet to the car....“What the…..” Jonah and one of Clay’s buddies drove up and interupted my thoughts. Drunk out of their minds, they pulled in and staggered out, leaving the car parked erratically in a handicap spot. Derek huddled in Lydia’s jacket, sweating. He could hear and comprehend threatening voices a mile away. I glanced at him and back at the direction the drunkards were heading for. Of course, it was at me. “I’m gone for five minutes and your hanging around with losers like this? His kid too, huh? You like retarded kids or something?” That’s why she’s dating you, I added in my mind.

“What do you think of your brother, stupid? You like what he did to you? I bet you felt every single shake and bruise huh? You going to grow up stupid like your brother? Of course your a Peterson, although you might not sleep around like your sister.” Derek was crying at his touch, the sound of his deep voice so close made him shake with fear. Laughing, he turned his attention to me.

“You coward, you couldn’t beat Clay up outright. You ran away, now your going to pay. Maybe if you stood up like a man, stuff like this wouldn’t hurt as bad.” He shoved me. I drained my anger, it couldn’t get in the way of the wall forming as he got closer. I tried to numb myself with hate as he shoved me a little harder.

“Your not going to fight? I thought maybe you had gotten some courage finally. I should have known, it makes it more fun this way anyway.” Daniel watched carefully, waiting to intervene. I hoped it would end at the shoving when I was backed against the brick wall. I stared at my feet, not quite sure what was going to happen next. My mind jumped back and forth trying to anticipate his next move.

“You hurt us, we are going to hurt you.” I didn’t want to see his fist coming, I knew it was. My head snapped to the left, strongly connecting with the brick that was there. Nothing had broken, but I could feel the trickle of blood.

“Look at me!” I forced myself to look into his eyes. “Don’t ever try a stunt like that again.” Colors blurred as he hit me again. “And stay away from my girl.” I had barely recovered from the last one when everything swirled together in a red haze. Before I knew what happened, he had drop kicked me to the ground. I covered my head as he kicked me in the stomach over and over. Luckily, his bad aim only hit my face once or twice. I felt like throwing up, but contained my reactions, it was the only way to get back at him.

“You think your tough, try this,” he jumped up and landed square on my side. I groaned, pain gripping at my throat, wrapping its fingers around each breath. Daniel was now yelling in the background and I could heard cops sirens in the distance. Jonah and his buddy swore.

“Your going to pay, man!” They shouted as they picked up things and started throwing them at the windows of the normally quiet restaurant. The sirens began to get closer and they scrambled for their car.

“This isn’t over!” Jonah screamed, flipping us off as he drove away. Their whoops of laughter faded into the city noise. The cops arrived a few minutes later. Daniel helped me up and I leaned against the brick that had just served as a torture use. I answered the ladies questions, said no to pressing charges and pointed her in the direction of where they went.

“You want me to call an ambulance?” the policewoman asked kindly, turning my chin to examine the most noticeable injury.

“No, thank you. I’ll be okay.”

“You sure?” I nodded. “Alright then, you got somewhere to go home to?” she asked as she started to get back into her car.

“Yeah, I’m good,” I answered woozily.

“Alright then, have a good night, let us know if they bother you again.” Daniel waved as they left. “Let’s go before anything else happens.” Lydia silently climbed in the back with Derek.

“Shouldn’t we have a car seat?” she asked innocently.

“Oh yeah, sorry, its in the back,” Daniel answered, smiling as she moved papers and wrappers and junk aside to find the dirty booster seat. She didn’t grimace though, instead she handed me some napkins.

“Look what I found. You sure collect a lot of stuff.” I took them with thanks. I was already bleeding all over my hands and it was starting to drip. We managed to avoid bumper to bumper traffic and made it to Lydia’s fairly easily. She didn’t say a word when Daniel pulled right up to her house. Getting in trouble was better then getting jumped by an angry, jealous boyfriend. Well, hopefully ex-boyfriend after tonight. Daniel didn’t pull away until she was safely inside, I watched her parents attack her with questions and was happy I didn’t have to deal with it. When we were safely out of their mansion neighborhood, I allowed myself to breathe each painful breath. I coughed, talking for the first time we had gotten in the car.

“They beat the crap out of me that time.”

“I’m sorry, I should have done something, but I couldn’t get anyone to call the cops. I had to go in and use that stupid phone, they were all standing there open mouthed.”

“Its okay, how many people saw?”

“Just the workers, a few passerby’s.” I nodded. Only Derek’s incessantly nervous whimpering could be heard as Daniel drove.

“You didn’t deserve it, don’t you dare go thinking that.”

“It feels like I did,” I answered, my conscience was eating away at me.

“Those boys are nothing but pure high school evil. They will grow out of it one day, the rest of us just have to survive until they do.”

“I wish they would hurry up,” I muttered, taking in another gasped breath.

“That’s society for you,” he said as he pulled into the dingy and broken driveway. My head felt heavy with burdening thoughts and pain was making me dizzy. I leaned on the door for support as I climbed out of the little car. Derek was asleep in the back. Struggling to regain control over my coordination, I opened his door and reached in to grab him. Accidentally, I hit my head on the top of the car and that was the last thing I remembered before passing out.

“Don’t move!” I jumped, my heart racing. Wild thoughts ran through my mind. It could be police, my mom, angry boyfriends, all waiting to tear me apart. I opened my sore eyes to Daniel trying to balance a thermometer in my mouth while holding onto Derek.

“Just stay there for a second, get over here you little rascal,” he grabbed Derek away from the fireplace and imprisoned him in the playpen.

“There, that will fix ya,” he smiled at Derek who smiled slightly, with a dull look in his eyes. I took the thermometer out of my mouth, “what happened?”

“I found you out in the driveway passed out. Your just lucky the car was parked, your head was right in the way of the wheel. You were breathing at least,” he grinned, I didn’t find it very funny. “What time is it?” I croaked as he pushed me back down and instructed me to put the thermometer under my arm.

“Around twelve, I’m surprised the tyke isn’t sleeping yet,” he replied absent mindedly, glancing at the little figure rolling back and forth on the playpen‘s cloth floor.

“Naw, he is used to it. You can’t really sleep when your mom is banging on your door, its kind of hard.” Daniel didn’t laugh, just switched the subject.

“How’s your stomach?”

“Like I’m going to throw up,” I said, closing my eyes, trying to ignore the pain.

“Yeah, he came down on you pretty hard.” I nodded weakly.

“Well, I was going to take you to the E.R. but I figured you would never forgive me.” I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, that would be all I need. More questions I don’t have the answers to.” He just nodded.

“You feeling good enough to eat?”

“No.”

“Good, I’ll get you something,” he smoothed out my hair, wet with my sweat.

“And another washcloth, you dried out this one with that fever of yours,” he took out the thermometer and checked it before standing to leave.

“Oh Daniel, dearie, are are you coming up?” My mind jolted, I didn’t recognize that voice.

“It’s okay, she’s a….” he looked for the right word.

“Friend?” I supplied.

“Yeah, a friend. She needed a place to crash.”

“That’s your third friend this week,” I frowned. He put a finger to his lips and dashed into the other room.

“Coming sweetie!”

“What are you doing?” she came down the stairs clothed only in a night gown and bunny slippers. “I’m bored all by myself.,” she leaned on the banister to look into the kitchen. I quickly pulled the blanket up to my chin, I never was quite sure about girls like her. I couldn’t predicate them, I just wanted her to go back upstairs.

“Oh, your awake, how you feeling?”

“Okay,” I croaked.

“Where’s Daniel?” I pointed to the kitchen.

“Oh, hope you feel better,” I just nodded, breathing a sigh of relief. She didn’t notice.

“Hi, honey.”

“Shh, Darling, just go back upstairs.”

“Why?”

“Well, my son is sick, he’s contagious.”

“Oh, well, I’ll be upstairs then. Don’t take too long.”

“I won’t.” I rolled my eyes. He pulled the “son” card on her. You think she would wonder where the mother to that son is while she is “crashing” at his place. She waved at me and I waved back. Daniel came back out carrying a washcloth, soup, and the channel changer.

“Here, you had better eat the soup or I’m going to skin you alive. It has medicine to make the pain go away and I just got my cable back. Now, I have some business to attend to upstairs so just…”

“I know, make myself at home.” He nodded. “Good, and make Derek go to sleep please. I don’t know how.” I nodded and he jogged up the stairs. I waited until I heard the door shut on their cooing and cutesy noises before I groaned. I rolled over and stood trying to keep McDonald’s from coming back up along with my entire digestive system. Ignoring the pain, I threw the washcloth in the sink and made my way over to Derek’s little cage. Clenching my teeth, I hauled him out and placed him onto the bed. I picked up the cup he had chucked in protest to his four walled confinement.

“Here, it’s night time, go to sleep.” I pushed him down and gave him the juice.

“Night, night,” he fumbled as he mumbled the words.

“Good night, buddy.” I turned the TV off and instant relief flowed through my pounding head. Now the pain was just densely concentrated, but it was better then nothing. I sat on the old bed and laid back, letting the pain settle into a pounding rhythm constantly agitating my gut. In the stillness I could hear the clock ticking off rhythm and the noise of a busy city droning outside the door. After a couple hours, I let my exhausted eyes close and my body float into mindlessness. It wasn’t really mindlessness though, the images kept running through my mind. They always did, they never stopped. Mixed images, old ones, new ones, and recent ones. Over and over I saw him walking toward me, getting out of that car, and his steps as he advanced on me. Their sneering words as they breathed their cruelty into the face of my little brother. My helplessness as his punches flew hard and fast. I could still feel the pain exploding through the framework of my face and swelling the flesh around it. I could still see the flash of colors and the bleak intonation of the gravel when I dared open my eyes. Anxiety and tears mixed together until that crack and his unforgiving feet pound into my tender side. Over and over I heard what he said in my mind, a melancholy lullaby. “You going to grow up stupid like your brother? Of course you’re a Peterson.”