Eulogy to a Lost lover

This is a comedic satire on a fictional death

Eulogy to a Lost Lover

 

Too my lost lover I send my deepest apologies because had it not been for my carelessness you would still be here with me today. Had I known just how gassy you were I would have never lit my cigarette as you bent over so near. Oh woes me, the horrible pain of seeing you shoot across the room as if you had a jet pack attached to your supple rump cheeks. Cheeks, I will never again know the feel of with a playful swat or a seductive pinch. Never again will I get to utter the words “ Who’s your daddy ?” ,without crumpling into a tearful heap of sorrow. Alas your demise was not totally in vain as we now know the answer to how someone might expire from spontaneous combustion. But this does nothing to stop the emptiness I feel inside for you. Why didn’t you tell me you had to fart or had it been as much a surprise to you as it was for me? Why did you have to eat those three bean burritos with extra hot sauce? My life is an endless supply of whys and what ifs. I will never forget you my dear sweet man. You will forever leave a void deep within my heart and every time I have to pencil in my eyebrows that have yet to grow back since that terrible blast, I will think of you and cry for my dearest lost love. I miss you.

Author's Note

This is just one of the silly things that roll out of my head sometimes

Reviews

[Bruce Morse]

This was funny. I enjoyed it.

[Tara]

Very touching. I'm in tears. I feel your loss. :)

[D. Elizabeth]

This made me laugh, thank you for that. Life is taken too seriously at times. xo -D.E.