Shallow Grave

Poem I wrote during a divorce.

Shallow Grave

Shallow is the grave in which my heart has been hidden.
Slashed at by your lies and murdered.
Murdered by this deception you called love.
A merciless death of my very soul.
At the hands of your egotistical acts of cruelty.
Left within this shallow grave of sorrow and pain.
Hopeless wounds that will never heal bleed worse.
Bleed with every lie, every broken promise, and every "I love you".
Words that mean nothing to me now since the passing of my heart.
Darkness remains in its contemptible place.
Still you torment me with your vacuous supply of what ifs'.
Leave me to my grave speak to me no more you murderous deceiver.
Let me alone to someday see light.
An end to self-hatred you have filled me with.
Torture this heart no more so that I may rest.
Rest within the shallow grave you have buried me in.
 

Stephanie Jean McCants

Copyright ©2002 Stephanie Jean McCants

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The thin line between love and hate... and this has hate written all over it... Of course, this was an issue with divorce... a more personal write and I must say this goes all out within the lines... no holding back... at times that the best way to heal and move on...

[Michael X]

I really enjoyed this poem, very nicely done steph, your words flow with that dying emotional
effect and the imagery is haunted, to be left in the shallow grave.. speaks depths, and
cuts straight to the heart, what it means to be emotional killed by another, ouch, painfully
projected, ghostly is the image that comes to surface in a foggy-misty surrounding Wow

[R J Askew]

Very moving in the way you use the language and imagry of a real murder to describe the pain of the death of love. Tis sad. But also millions of people would recognise exactly how you feel.

[[untitled]]

I like the darkness of the poem. It has powerful emotion behind the words. I like the structure. It was perfect for the poem. Very good job.

[papaed]

a pain that most of us feel and can relate too in our lives revealed through wonderful imagery presented in a great writing with easy flowing words....merciless, slashed, hopeless, darkness, torture, cruelity, contemptible... it works well.
Thanks for sharing your writing skills and emotion with us.
papaed

[THE BLACK SEAL]

it is dark in an enticing yet not overbearing way that seduces you as you read it..nice!

[Stephanie McCants]

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read it and voice your opinions. The Witch is a typo (lol )thanks for pointing that out I am going to try and figure out how to edit it on here. It is one of my earlier works and I was in a dark place at that time. It was one of those peoms that you just spew out to release all the anger and fustration that boiled up inside at that point in time. A kind of time capsule so changing it is not an option but the advice will be used on future works. I thank you all again and look forward to looking over your writings as well. SJ

[Mark A. Mihalko]

Torture this heart no more so that I may rest.
Rest within the shallow grave you have buried me in.

This is a great ending! There is so much emotion in this piece, and you do a great job capturing the feel. Keep it up, I can't wait to read more.

[MrJodie]

Some good comments already. This poem is good and could stand as-is. However, we're all about the refining fire, aren't we?

The beginning and ending flow well. The middle troubles me a little. It seems a tiny repetitive. It's obvious that your ex wounded and destroyed you with deception. That feeling is very clear. What I might recommend is help us to see him clearly. Maybe compare him to something vivid or describe one of his more obvious quirks that drove you crazy. One line, in particular, that might be better is...

"Still you torment me with your vacuous supply of what ifs'."

"Vacuous supply?" The "what if's" may be vacuous and hollow but the supply is, what? Never ending? Pointless? Overwhelmingly moronic? It is a little confusing.

Your style is genuine and a hearfelt poet is an artist, in my opinion. All criticisms aside, great stuff and I look forward to seeing more!

[[untitled]]

I enjoyed the overall flow and tone of the poem. The dark, downbeat theme is expressed well by the "lifeless" and oppressed feeling that permeates the piece.

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