Thoughtprose.

My raw thoughts, put into prose. Updated sometimes.

Murderer.

Venus stood before me, sopping in cocaine and a masque of contempt. Truths tumbled from her belly like the marching of a paraplegic band.

I eviscerated her soft, white underbelly where she stood. I called it justice.

I call myself Aegis with a bitter tongue of loathing.

Drift away.

I feel as the grass does after a cold rain, following a day of choking heat. Bracing but pure, and a simple beauty beyond words.

Last night was a waking nightmare. It was like getting laid while being tortured in the deepest crevice of the underworld, the one even the Crown Prince of Hell has an aversion to. My mind underwent a schism.

There wasn’t a Sloan, residing in a lovely town with disgusting people. There wasn’t a girl on his mind and leaving with his heart, there wasn’t joy or love, there wasn’t peace and quiet, nor was there hatred and jealousy.

Confusion and agony. Those two truths made all of reality. My skin burned with such convincing heat that I thought for sure my body was laying in a house set ablaze. My memory was foggy; I would black out and wake up at random places throughout the house, each time thinking for sure it was time to wake up from my pain.

Nothing was real. I was sleeping and this was that night terror you can’t escape. It had to be. It had to be.

My reflection was a lie. It was a vivid dream. My friend on the other end of the phone was part of the elaborate hoax. The pure emotion that wanted to pour from my eyes would have made the crocodiles proud, because it wasn’t real.

It continued today. My brain was doing the breaststroke in my skull fluid. I was in control of myself again, but I was disconnected. I was controlling a puppet that had a remarkable resemblance to me.

It wore off a few hours ago. Finally, I can breathe. I can see again. I can think.

She’s been on my mind. He’s been on my mind. Everything has been on my mind again, but it’s so beautiful.

It’s so beautiful to feel a pain that I understand, and to be in control enough to deal with it.

It’s so beautiful.

Tumor.

You're a cancer of the brain.

Forever will the hollow blast flutter in my chest cavity, where the warmth of the sun can never find a home.

I can put myself under a machine, and have it pump me full of so much radiation Hiroshima would cry. Murdering myself to prevent me from murdering myself.

You're with me, always. Always. With your hands on my throat and your fingernails in my blood.

My ears hurt as they strain to hear your silence. My heart hurts when it strains to feel your warmth.

That crooked rot in my gut makes me want to taste the rain, but I can only puke down on my clean white clothes.

I can make this music with these fingers, or I can become soundless, like you.

Your silence vibrates into my head and all I can do is sing it away.

I'll be singing forever.


Slipping into chaos.

"And when the world treats you way too fairly, it's a shame I'm a dream."

I am a conglomeration of what is forgotten and half-truths, sewn together in gray lies.

Dusted boxes are stacked in my room. Hundreds. Each one has a different key.

The skeleton key rests in the hands of one person, careless of the power it holds for one dimension of reality.

Screaming hatred burns in my head. It's an utter falsity that I hate you, no matter how much the thought writhes through my conscious.

No, my hatred for everything is a whisper to the cracking loathing I hold for myself.

Please, rape me again. Hurt me. I love it when you violate me in every way you can.

Break my legs and listen to me beg. I love it. I f*****g love it.

I can smell you creeping in every shadow. I can't tear it out, my ribcage prevents such relief.

From my birth, I was born to give everything of myself.

I have nothing. I build my empire of gold, sequined wealth, gilded comfort. It's treated like an empire of dirt.

Everything I have is worthless.

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

Some of your sentences seem like they don't follow each other. You have good sentences, but then some are like what? Some of the phrases...

I can figure out what you mean, but it seems inefficient. I prefer to ingest writing as I see it, so that my mind can be in imaginary land while I read.

Also, when you put a heavy word or phrase in a sentence, it's kind of like putting a weight on it. It can throw the whole thing off.

I don't know if this is true, but due to the rhythm of the way you write and how some parts stand out, I wonder if you didn't "upgrade" them. AND KEEP UPGRADING.

The line or phrase I liked the most was a very simple, breathable (and potent) line:

"I feel as the grass does after a cold rain, following a day of choking heat."

We obviously have different ways of expressing ourselves, but the sentence unfolds very nicely: I FEEL as the GRASS does(tinypause) AFter a cold RAIN, following a DAY(to relate w/ rain) of choking heat. And heat is a good end point. That T, end of breath. See? Just a few thoughts.

[lushescape]

It is this type of reflection that I envy. It is poetry but it isn't. Sounds weird, but.that's the.best way I can describe it. Most readers need more of this sort of thing in their writing. I know I definitely do. This creates a character better than any physical description I could dream of.

Truly great. Applause.

[Emily Filkins]

I really like it!!