Not an ocean nor a sea.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

It is lost to me now, the feeling of starfire.

The water forms around my ears, falling from the sky. Falling from the stars.

Splayed open, drowning my bones. I can drown in it. An endless, formless cascade. A showering of choking melancholia to my purple dystopia, whetting my bloodless hunger.

I feel nothing. I suffer. I labor. My lot is to stumble, numb and bloodless.

Bitter and emptier than space, where the stars consort, strength told me to refuse death by a thousand cuts. I agreed.

Have I been true to my word, then? I am not the blood of my blood: word is law. Have I been lawful?

My stars haunt me. I cannot see them, so far in space, and they cannot see me, and I am drenched and frostbitten. Their flame cannot warm me when my dreams call hollow.

Whence my agony arises, starfire cannot cauterize nor amphetamize any longer.

I beg to the boundless night sky, pervasive in its black, taunting in its harmony;

Where is my star?

Where is my star?

Author's Note

Painful honesty is better than comfortable pleasantry.

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

What exactly is comfortable pleasantry?

I like a lot of this. I think there are a couple of times that you go out of the flow.

For instance: "Choking melancholia to my purple dystopia." I think the to my part might be a bit too much.

I like my lot is to stumble, numb and bloodless, but I just realized you said bloodless right above it.

Again, "Starfire cannot cauterize nor amphetamize any longer." Seems like a mouthful that takes away from the overall backbone or swaying flow of the writing.

Another good line "I am drenched and frostbitten." I prefer true brevity. Many call me a minimalist. So take that into account.

[S. Kimball]

Comfortable pleasantry is what most of the people on this site do, where they tell horrible writers that their horrible writing is really good and so original and they loved it when it is very clearly garbage.

I am in a general agreement with your criticisms, and I thank you for them. I totally didn't even notice the repetition of "bloodless".

I'll return the favor tonight when I get home from work.