Life really isn't fair

this little piece is for my mom... who died of cancer... i so wish human brain was a computer from where i could just delete stuff. but its not so..........

Her presense was like a soothing wind in a summer day. Her smile was brighter than a thousand bulbs lit together. She was 'care' and 'perseverance' personified. If only it could last. One literally, cannot have too much of a good thing, and she was the best. It is because of her that i can tell between good and bad, white and black, tears and laughter and happy and sad.

She was my angel, whatever went wrong, she just seemed to have the answer. Although, nobody seemed to answer her prayers. Or mine for that matter. I'm a believer, but to me, this was an injustice on the part of Almighty. I know that death is inevitable, but so soon, so slow and so painful, to a person whom i considered to be perfect, just does not seem fair. What was her crime, for which she got a punishment so brutal?

Never in her life had she wanted anything bad for anyone, or even thought of anyone badly i guess. While the real criminals, seem to be living scott free. I guess heaven is short of angels.

Never had i felt so helpless. The worst part of it was i could do nothing to ease her pain. Nothing would work. People say that death does not come, with an invitation. Well her death did. And knowing how close death was, was the definition of devastation.

Nobody can account for the tears that i had shed, seeing her yearn. But when she finally broke free, My tears had dried up. All i had to say was "she is in a better place now." and so she was. Her corpse lay white and cold surrounded by several familiar faces, but i did not feel like brooding over it like everyone else, because i knew that she was not in there anymore.

People call me strong, for not crying in my mother's funeral or anytime later. I'm not. I just do not think. That does not prevent her from visiting me in my dreams though. Its impossible to word my feelings when i wake up. but for those few minutes that i dream, are the minutes when i get her back. even though not in physical form, atleast in my subconscious.