Tough Love.

“Immature”, he spat at her and walked away,

She smiled at his words but they hurt her too deep from within.

 

One week later…

She was walking when suddenly she collapsed,

Lapsed into the darkness and silence of the night.

 

She awoke with the sound of beeping all around her,

Irritation consumed her and she asked the walls for immediate answers.

 

“You’re dying”, she heard; she looked around and saw a figure staring at her,

She looked at him, bewildered.

 

“What are you doing here?” she asked him oh so softly, her voice laced with fear,

“You collapsed while walking”, he said with no emotion.

 

“You've got Brain Tumor”, a doctor said who just walked in,

Her life seemed to have stopped and her head felt too heavy.

 

She closed her eyes and let her tears flow gently down her cheeks,

Suddenly she felt warmth consume her, he hugged her.

 

“We’ll get through this together”, he said as gently as he could,

“Why do you care about me?” she asked him in confusion.

 

“I have troubled you enough, I’d rather help you now”, he said yet again in monotone,

“Thank you”, she whispered and dived into her deep sleep.

 

15 months later….

“She was so complete, yet so broken,

She was so strong, yet so weak.” He said with tears leaking from his eyes.

 

He looked around him and saw nothing but tombstones,

People surrounded him but he was too torn to care.

 

He smiled a teary smile and dropped the rose on the coffin and walked out,

Walked out of the cemetery and slammer into a car.

 

He didn't care, he wanted her,

So he smiled and waited for darkness to consume him.

Author's Note

Hello guys! So, I just completed writing this. I have never written such a long poem, so I am sure there might be flaws. Please point them out and criticize if it is required to. :)

Reviews

[R Smith]

hardly flaws, maybe a word to change here or there but a quite brilliant poem of love and death, death is a particularly difficult subject, trying to to make it not to depressing, you made this sad but it still had a sweet love to keep us happy, well done Simran :)

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Richard. This was the most honest yet the sweetest review I have read on this poem. Thanks a lot. :)

[R Smith]

you are always welcome :)

[xDalliance]

This one's amazing. You know, your usual dose of darkness :P
Anyways, the incident/story is really emotional, and I think it's damn well done. It connects with you, so that's a definite plus.
I love it. This is your style :)

[Simran Kewlani]

Haha! My usual darkness? Good to know you missed it. :P
Thank you, Jharna.
Start uploading your writings. I'm waiting. :)

[xDalliance]

Mehhh, writer's block currently. You'll have to wait. c:

[Simran Kewlani]

I will.....

[Lenah Mehzabin]

hey You totally made my tears fall ..i mean i was like enjoying the whole thing and at last part i cudnt control my tears ,Awesome poem Simran ! ... I loved thd art and style very much ..Thank u for such a beautiful share
:)

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Lenah. You are a very sweet person. :)

[Lenah Mehzabin]

welcome :))

[Mayank]

it's something more than a poem, I don't what such type of piece is called where dialogues are incorporated however, it's written well and the feelings are very well justified here.

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Mayank. :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

We must always be careful what we say to loved ones, for we never know when it is the last thing they hear from us… such a touching piece of writing.

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Cowboy. :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

You are most welcome.

[Saddam]

An emotional prose type poetry. I like for their bond which is hidden. Someone want to escape but did'nt. A Very Beautiful And touching piece, I can touch it well.

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, SSADD. :)

[harshita]

i agree with Bright Ocean Star,I wouldn't call it a poetry either but as a short story it's just wow.... keep writing. :)

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

sad and dark up to date Romeo and Juliet ;) fast paced story .. the division into couplets (sort of) makes for an easy read .. i like the little asides (sort of) designating the time line .. i think it is effective .. over all, however, i think this is more prose than not ;)
E.

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Einstein.
I know it is more of a prose than a poetry. But, at some parts, really less but nevertheless I have tried rhyming it. This isn't one of my best works.
Sorry. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

no need to say Sorry .. i enjoyed your story and as i pointed out hints of poetic form that i see .. i like the very natural flow you created ;)
E.

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you. :)

[Confuser]

Hey, I love flaws but nothing but a couple of grammar errors, but oh my what a great story. I tell you the truth, the prose is wonderful. I wish I could write like you. I got up went to get coffee, with a sigh, after reading 15 months later and a couple of beautiful lines of prose; telling my dogs, oh no, I know what has happened. Do not learn from me, it would be a step back. I will send you writers to read; they will knock you over. You will be a great published author. I know this from my heart. (slammed) the car door; but will that rhyme, not sure if necessary. Beautiful. Wait, I see below, someone needs to explain to me then, because, your use of pronouns etc., is that not poetic prose?

[Simran Kewlani]

Thanks a lot, Dale. I'm glad you liked it.
It indeed is poetic prose. I tried rhyming the lines but I have a poor vocabulary and I was too focused on the story behind the poem to pay attention. I'm very happy that you have so much faith in me. Thank you very much. x :)

[Confuser]

It reminded me of the writing of Riley Redding, however, some of his writing, is too mature. I am drawn to this type of writing; something I have not tried, but will. It is beautiful. Do not ever let anyone tell you otherwise. There is someone here, that is so wise...I'll send you something later, but also so, so many. Emily the moderator, writes so happy, like her summertime, another Emily, Oh my I could not believe the magic I read yesterday, surreal. Your tone/style everything great.

[Bright Ocean Star]

Simran, I wouldn't call this a poem. I don't see any traditional poetic devices used here. You wrote a short story with an open ending. There is a lot of room for imagination and interpretation. It is very dark and very intense, sad even. Nice writing. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Simran Kewlani]

Umm okay. Thank you. I tried using them, also I tried rhyming it but I was too stuck up in the theme to do it. Sorry. Thanks a lot for your honest review. :)

[Bright Ocean Star]

Poems don't need to rhyme. I wasn't referring to rhyme scheme. It just seems more structured for a short story. Perhaps it is a quasi-short story/poem. Don't mind me. My degrees were not in English literature. Regardless, you communicated your thoughts well, and I thought it was a well written piece. Have a great holiday.

[Wish]

Hi Simran. You did employ poetic devices and they are recognisable to those who detect assonance, alliteration, page structure - to name a few.

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Wish. You are a very good person. I look forward to read some of your works. :)