Love Is Death.

What’s the difference between you and death?

Without you I die and with you I live,

Cause you always loved me and I loved death,

You are my life, forever you’ll be,

Without you I’ll be not complete,

I love you and you love me,

But death is something you can’t see.

Author's Note

This is the only decent poem I have. The rest of them are very embarrassing . And umm... This is my first poem I ever wrote. So yeah, go ahead and criticize it.

Reviews

[Bright Ocean Star]

No criticism here! It is great! I don't pretend to understand it completely, or why someone would have a love for death, but then there is much to this life I don't understand. All I know is that I love the rhythm, it obviously came from your heart, and it is deep. Great writing, my friend...:)

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Ocean Star. :)
I love this poem. It truly defined the me at the age of 13.

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked how you defined love.
"Without you I die and with you I live,"
Love can be twisted. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Coyote. 😄

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[R Smith]

that was your first poem then i have to say it pointed the way ahead and showed you have a fine future as a writer, well done and Happy new year to you and your family :)

[Simran Kewlani]

Thanks a lot, Richard. This means a lot to me. Happy new year to you too and your family. :)

[Lenah Mehzabin]

Haha no it's ok ''sometimes when we re depressed these beautiful lines are automatic created by our mind,very nice poetry !

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Lenah.

[Terrence Chang]

Interesting Simran. It is short but has a deep thought. Dark yet fun to read. Well thought concept and nicely executed keep up the good work.

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Terence. It was the first one I wrote so it may not be as good as the ones I have written recently.

[Terrence Chang]

Oh I see. But usually the first one is one of the best cause the idea is fresh.

[Saddam]

It is not for very first, it is ability- extreme talent to see the fact. You are right, sometimes love comes with death like feelings. You are very good on those words..... Mmmm thanks for this.

You are my life, forever you’ll be,
Without you I’ll be not complete,
I love you and you love me,

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, SSADD. :)

[Saddam]

You are welcome!!! :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

Dark and thought provoking.
Very good for first poem.
I liked it!!!!
:)
P.s. a suggestion:5th line: instead of 'be not' maybe 'not be' sounds better.

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you. I think I can make that change, I'll think over it.
Thanks for reading it. :)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

You are welcome!!! :)

[Einstein Noodle]

thank you for sharing your very first poem ... for me it is a complicated weave of dark desire and grasping at something to hope in .. i think the first line is actually very powerful and thought provoking .. and emotive when one gives some thought to it .. to love someone that takes one on a path of self destruction is horribly tragic and happens too often in reality .. i love the word play i see in the second line .. "death" and "you" being interchangeable .. then it turns dark .. to the thought of suicide .. again .. something that youth more and more contemplate and succeed in .. then i see your closing line as giving up death for something tangible ... love ... you always have a way of writing that is straight forward and innocent .. i also see that in your first poem .. thanks for sharing ;)
E.

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, E. You have a way with words, ya. You make me feel more confident about my poems. Thanks a ton. :)

[Gee]

What's the difference between you and death,
without you I die,you are my breath.
Hi,might be a better start,might not.As a first poem very good

[Simran Kewlani]

Thank you, Gee. I won't change it because I want to keep it original. :)

[harshita]

i don't think it's smthing worth criticizing.... it's great actually :)

[Simran Kewlani]

Are you serious? This was my first poem I ever wrote. Thank you, though. I'm glad you liked it. x

[harshita]

i actually did. keep writing :)